HARLOW
The rest of August passed in an empty haze. Once my anger subsided, sadness had set in and I felt as if a massive part of my life had been cut away.
Since our confrontation outside The Palace I hadn’t seen or heard from Heath. The next day had been his birthday and it had been hard not to share it with him. I lost count of how many times I’d held my cell phone in my hand desperate to speak to him. I wanted to wish him a happy birthday. Yet at the same time, I couldn’t stand the thought of seeing him, even though I missed him. Because then I’d think about what he’d done and I’d hate him all over again. It was doing my head in and had turned me into a freakin’ psycho!
Vengeance left town on their short tour with the Masters of Mayhem music festival. I told myself it was a good thing. It meant I wouldn’t have to worry about Heath turning up at work during my shift or running into him whenever I ventured out with Piper and Bridget.
Not that I did much of that.
Not that I did much of anything.
As August became September I sank into a zombie-like depression and hated myself for it.
Heath was gone. I had told him to go away and he had listened. Worse still, I had told him I could never love him again and he had believed me.
Ugh! I was such a teenage brat. I needed to grow up. I needed to grow up fast.
Heath was away on tour. Free as a bird. Probably in the arms of another woman. And where was I? Alone. Struggling with what had happened and my decision to break up with him.
But I knew I wouldn’t be able to get over what happened in Vegas. Trying to do so would be nothing but heartache for both of us. I would be suspicious of every girl he talked to and that wasn’t me. The best I could do would be to move on. But that was proving hard to do.
Even though I knew we could never be together again as a couple I missed him. I missed my best friend. If we could just talk, if I could just tell him how much I wanted to be his friend again …
Thankfully, Fat Tony had given me extra shifts at The Palace, which kept me distracted. And when Piper left to join the band on the East Coast leg of the tour, I took on her shifts as well.
But I missed her when she was gone.
In the weeks following the breakup she had been a bottomless source of comfort. She could always make me feel better. Now she was gone too and I was feeling sorry for myself.
The tour looked to be successful. From what I could tell from Facebook and Instagram anyway. And Piper texted me daily. Not that she ever mentioned Heath. Not once. And at first that was cool. But now that my anger was gone and I found myself missing him, I was desperate for any news about him.
Had he moved on? Was he with other girls? Was there anyone special or had he gone back to his old ways and started to nail a new girl in each city? Was he over me?
I was driving myself insane.
I had no right to know what was going on in his life. I knew that. After all, I had pushed him away with some pretty cold words. But for some reason my crazy heart still ached for him.
Sitting at the bar just before my Saturday night shift was due to start, I scrolled through the Vengeance Instagram site and my heart sank. There was Heath smiling brightly into the camera, his arm draped around the shoulders of a beautiful girl who was crushing her body against his. Jealousy spread through me like a brush fire.
It was irrational, I know. But seeing the picture made me feel sick and deflated.
I dropped the phone on the bar and rubbed my face wearily.
“Uh oh, what’s happened?” Leo asked, drying a margarita glass.
I shook my head and murmured an unconvincing, “Nothing.”
He nodded at my phone. “You’ve got a face like a trail of cat sick. What did you stumble across?”
“Nothing new,” I mumbled.
“Let me guess … you were cyber stalking your ex and found him in the arms of another girl?”
My head shot up. “How did you…?”
He held up his phone. “I saw it on Instagram too.”
I sighed. “Good news travels fast.”
He walked over to me, discarding his dishrag as he leaned his elbows on the bar in front of me. “She’s just a fan, H.”
I shrugged. “It’s not my problem anymore.”
“You sure about that? You’ve been miserable since the breakup. Even worse since he’s been gone. Why don’t you just admit it? You’re still in love with him.”
I chewed the inside of my lip and finally found the end of my tether.
“Fine. I’m still in love with him.”
Leo smiled. “So why don’t you go tell him? Put an end to this once and for all?” He straightened. “Tell him you’re still madly in love with him and want to have lots of nasty musician sex and make beautiful babies with him.” He smiled cheekily but when my eyes fell to my cell phone, he looked serious again. “He’s the lead singer in a band, H. Girls are always going to throw themselves at him. But it doesn’t mean he’s interested in any of them.”
I knew that.
“I know that.”
“Then what’s the problem, Patootie? Last I saw him, that guy was so beat up about you he couldn’t walk straight. Why are you making this so difficult on both of you? Wanna know what I think?”
“You’re going to tell me anyway.”
He ignored my sarcasm. “I think you should go and find him. Tell him you still love him. He’s never going to risk losing you again. Which kind of makes him the safest guy in the world to date, in my opinion. He’s done it once and it’s destroyed him. He won’t do it again.”
I hated how I felt. Torn in two. Miserable. Unsure. But it was easier to stay stuck in my misery than risk further heartache.
“Like I said, it’s not my problem.”
Leo gave up on me and returned to his tray of glasses, leaving me with my hearty helping of self-pity.
I was just about to torture myself by looking at Vengeance’s Facebook page when out of nowhere a cool pair of hands came from behind and covered my eyes.
“Guess who?” a familiar voice whispered in my ear.
I squealed. “Piper!”
She let go and I swung around.
“When did you get back?”
Before she could answer a pair of strong arms lifted me up from behind and twirled me around.
“Armie!”
He squeezed me into a big bear hug and then set me down, kissing me on the cheek. Behind him were Jesse, Zack and Tommy who each greeted me with hugs and winks.
I looked past them to the doorway, holding my breath as I waited for Heath to walk in.
But he didn’t.
“He’s not with us,” Piper whispered in my ear. “He and his brothers have gone for a drink with some friends. He said they might drop in later.”
Despite my disappointment I smiled brightly. “Are you guys hanging around?”
“Sure are.” Armie smacked his hands together and rubbed them together. “It’s beer o’clock.”
Apparently they had arrived back a few hours earlier and had gone home to shower and sleep. Friends of theirs were performing at the Palace so they would be hanging out to watch their friends play and to down a few beers.
Hearing this brought a much needed ray of sunshine to my mood and for the first time in weeks, I felt happy. I would get to hang out with my friends for the evening.
There was no further mention of Heath and despite knowing he was with his brothers, my imagination surged into overdrive and automatically arrived at the conclusion that the friends they were with included the girl from the picture on Instagram. I closed my eyes against my paranoia and shook my head at my own patheticness.
Thankfully it wasn’t long before we got super busy.
The band started playing—an acoustic band—and they were good. They had quite a big following so a decent sized crowd showed up to watch them play which kept us busy. Leo and Tony were flat out in the kitchen, making up pizzas and garlic bread, while Coralee, Bridget and I were rushed off our feet delivering beers, drinks and pizza orders to the tables.