Beautiful.
“Heath.” I said his name, even though I didn’t know why. Maybe because in that moment, all I knew was him and the brilliance of his body sliding into mine. And not far off on the horizon ecstasy was on its way. It wouldn’t take much to reach it. I was almost there. I sighed and Heath ducked his head to bury his mouth against my neck. We moved slowly then. Skin against skin. Limb against limb. His hands tangled in my hair. His soft lips warm against my neck. My body moving deeper onto him with every rise and fall of my hips.
There was nothing else.
Nothing. Else.
But him.
Us.
“You are so beautiful,” he moaned, his fingers sweeping along the length of my arm to tangle with my fingers. His lips sought out my mouth and I curled my arms around his neck to pull him closer to me.
It took me then. Completely. The feeling. The euphoria. Like a bright white light. I tilted my head back and gave myself to it completely. Another thrust. Another glide of his tongue against my throat. And we came undone together.
“Harlow,” he breathed desperately.
He closed his eyes and together we left that room. Gone. A moment in time away from the pain of our reality.
Afterwards we lay in silence. Naked. Entwined. Together. My love for him was abundant and I felt fiercely protective of him.
He looked at me, his beautiful face softened by shadow. We were face to face, our noses almost touching, our lips only a breath away. His tender fingers found the curve of my shoulder and gently traced lines and circles like a whisper across my skin.
“Please stay,” he pleaded softly, his eyes gentle. “Until we’ve buried, Armie. Please just stay.”
I nodded. “I will.”
He searched my face and I could see the sadness etched deep in the blue of his beautiful eyes.
“I don’t want to do this by myself,” he whispered.
“You won’t have to. I changed my flight, Heath. I’m staying an extra week.”
He pulled me against his broad, naked chest and his warmth was infinite. Only an extra week. Nothing more. Nothing less.
And no holding back.
Chapter Nineteen HEATH
There was nothing right with the world. That was my first thought when I woke up. But then I saw Harlow curled up beside me and the surge of grief receded briefly, until I remembered that she would be leaving soon too.
For a moment I let myself watch her sleep. For three days she hadn’t left my side and I had fallen deeper in love with her for it.
At first I’d been hesitant. Having her around but knowing she would leave was almost unbearable, but it was so much better than the alternative of not having her in my life at all.
She was my perfect fit. And I knew I would have to work out how to go on without her. But not until I’d dealt with Armie’s death and his funeral.
Which was today.
I climbed out of bed and took my time as I showered. Today was going to be one of the hardest days of my life. Today I would bury one of my best friends and the thought punched a massive hole in my heart.
Under the warm spray I let myself remember back to when we were kids, back to when life was simple. When life was about getting out of chores to ride your bike down to the Pier and meet up with your friends. When the afternoon was heavy with the smoky aroma of dinner being cooked on the backyard barbeque. When your friends came around and you snuck beers from your dad’s cooler and drank them on the sandy beach as the sun went down. When your dream of being in a band was just that … a dream.
What I’d give to go back …
In my memories it was always summer time and the days were bright with sunshine and the salty tang of a warm sea breeze. They were carefree days, when adulthood was something we chased and wanted just so we could stay out after dark, drink beer and get laid. Because back then, when we were kids, being an adult seemed like one big party.
In my memories, it would always be the five of us.
In my memories, Armie would always be smiling.
Armie and me … we had wandered these streets as kids, looking for ways to occupy our young minds. Then our two had become three with Jesse, then four and five with Tommy and Zack. By the age of twelve, we were already a band.
Now our five was to become four when we buried our friend.
I let go of the wall that contained my grief and let the tears fall. I rubbed my hands to my eyes and let my face crumple.
Yeah. What I’d give to go back …
I drew in a deep breath and moaned. The tears needed to stop. I had to get it together. Pull my shit together and get through today.
I had no idea what lay beyond today. None whatsoever.
I just had to get through this.
Just. Get. Through. This.
* * * * *
It was a bright Fall day. The blue sky was a clear arc above us, the sun warm on our backs. As we stared at Armie’s coffin waiting to descent into his final resting place, the preacher spoke about great men and the footprints they left behind.
To control my tears and the urge to sob, I focused on the purple stole the preacher wore around his neck. I missed Armie. I missed him so bad. And to think I would never see him again. No! I sucked in a deep breath. I wouldn’t fall apart now.
Jesse stood to my left and Harlow to my right. Her fingers curled around mine. I could feel her stoicism radiating off her rigid body as she stood so straight and so strong beside me.
As they lowered Armie’s coffin into the ground, my heart finally broke and I faltered. Kelsey’s sobs were my undoing. I put my hands to my face and let my tears fall freely.
Why hadn’t I told Armie to get off the road?
Why did I have to leave right at that moment? A few minutes later and Armie would still be alive.
I ached to go back in time and change the course of events.
Harlow looked up at me and squeezed my hand. Her eyes were full of tears.
“You can do this,” she whispered and despite the pain ricocheting across my chest, I knew she was right. I could do this. I would get through this.
I didn’t have any other choice.
* * * * *
HARLOW
I wouldn’t have blamed him if he’d wanted to drink himself into oblivion. Hell, I wanted to.
But he didn’t touch a drop. Even as his friends, including Jesse, sank into the amber depths of their bourbon bottles, Heath didn’t touch a single drop of alcohol.
“I do stupid shit when I drink,” he reminded me regretfully.
Armie’s parents held the wake at his grandparents’ home in Bellflower. The old timber and stone home brimmed to overflowing with close friends of Armie and the band. Heath spent a lot of time with Armie’s family, talking about old times and the crazy things Armie would do. He would laugh that infectious laugh of his, but it didn’t quite reach his eyes. Outwardly he was broad and strong, while inwardly he was breaking apart.
Much later, when the sun began to set, he found me on the porch. His face was sad.
“I need to be away from it all,” he whispered.
We left at dusk and without a word I returned to his house with him.
He stood in the half light of his room, his shoulders hunched, his big hands covering his face. He looked so handsome in his suit pants and black tailored shirt. The skull ring on his left hand was bright in the dull light.
“Should I go?” I asked. “Do you want to be alone?”
He looked at me, heartbroken. Pain etched his face and he shook his head. “No. Please don’t go.”
I ran him a bath and together we sank into it. Candlelight shone on the porcelain tiles. I sat behind him amongst the bubbles and he leaned back into me, his head falling against my shoulder.
“I don’t know where to go from here.”
“Forward.” I said.
“I know. I just don’t know how we’re going to do it.”
I gently caressed his bare shoulder. It was slippery with water and bubbles.
“Just put one foot in front of the other. Day by day.”