I sucked in a deep breath trying to fill my heavy chest with oxygen. I smiled brightly and exhaled deeply to shake off the pain.
It was then I heard the song playing in the jukebox. ‘I Want Her’ by Blind Truth. The song Piper had insisted Heath sing at karaoke. Which he had sung to me in that glorious, raspy voice. I know what’s best and I confess that I want her …
The memory was like a horse-kick to the chest and I couldn’t stop my eyes from flicking across the table towards him.
He recognized the song too and his sparkling eyes found mine. He winked, raised his glass and smiled. I forced myself to smile back and nod, as if my heart wasn’t breaking over and over again with every damn minute that passed.
But the moment was over just as quickly as it had begun. He looked away and continued talking to Jesse, and didn’t glance back at me. Just like that. It was all over. He didn’t look sad. He didn’t look nostalgic. He looked … okay.
I swallowed deeply. I could barely stand it any longer.
“Okay, okay, time for the guest of honor to bestow us all with a speech!” Bridget insisted.
Suddenly, everyone was looking at me and encouraging me to make a speech. I hated being the center of attention and usually did what I could to avoid it. But that wasn’t going to happen thanks to my insistent cousin and Leo. I threw back a shot of tequila that Leo put in front of me. The tequila burned my throat and chest on the way down and my insides lit up.
It took me a moment to collect myself before I could speak.
“Where do I start?” I breathed, nervously.
“How about with how awesome your fellow colleagues and friends are. Namely me,” Leo heckled.
I smiled. “Well that is true. For sure.” My eyes swept across the faces of my new friends and I couldn’t stop the sadness from passing over my expression. “You have all been such an important part in making my time here … brilliant. Each and every one of you.” I looked at them all, except Heath, because it hurt too much to look at him. “I had no idea what I was going to see and do when I came to California for the summer. I just knew something amazing was going to happen. And boy,” I exhaled deeply, and smiled, “did it ever. I have had the most extraordinary five months here and it’s all because of the people sitting around this table. Each one of you has helped to make this an adventure … one I will never forget … and I thank you, I thank you all so very much.”
“Don’t forget us, H.” Jesse raised his glass and everyone followed suit. “To Harlow … we will miss you.”
Piper jumped up and threw her arms around my neck. “I’m going to miss you so much.”
“The Palace isn’t going to be the same without you, sweet thing,” Coralee said, her large plastic earrings swinging as she spoke.
“You remember you gotta job here any time. Got it, kid?” Fat Tony patted my shoulder.
“Are you sure you’ve got to leave?” Leo asked quietly as he hugged me, “I’ve heard education is totally over-rated you know.”
“Yeah, but I heard it helps avoid law suits if you actually practice medicine with a degree and a license.”
He pouted. “Well I’ve heard Georgia is nice in the spring. Maybe I’ll come for a visit.”
I grinned. “You’d better.”
My heart stalled when Heath appeared in front of me.
“Listen, I have to go. We start in the studio tomorrow, so there’s a few things I need to do—”
“Of course.” I smiled but it was awkward. So was the hug he gave me.
When he stood back, his eyes finally found mine. “Thanks,” he said.
“What for?”
He smiled softly. “We sure had some fun, huh?”
I licked my lips to stop my damn chin from quivering, and nodded. Despite the agony in my chest, I smiled brightly. “We sure did.”
He went to say something else but stopped himself. Instead, he smiled resignedly. “Well, I guess this is goodbye, then.”
I nodded.
“Take care Harlow.” He grinned, all white teeth and dimples.
And then he turned and walked out of my life.
* * * * *
HEATH
Not once.
Not one fucking time.
During her entire speech, not once did she look at me.
Those beautiful eyes of hers cast over everyone there except me. Like I had been just a small, insignificant moment in her life.
She avoided looking at me.
We are over. So why not look me in the eye? I’m doing exactly what she asked me to do and still it’s not good enough for her.
I thrust my fists into the bag, harder and harder. Thump! Thump!
We have moved on. Just like she wanted. I had deliberately avoided any unnecessary glances at her direction just to prove to her that I was over her. That I was okay with our relationship being over. What more could I do? I don’t phone her. I don’t ask about her. I don’t contact her. I haven’t done anything but move on. I fucked up. I get it. But goddamn it. Why wouldn’t she look at me?
Thump! Thump! Thump!
I know I should be grateful that she even acknowledged me after what I did to us. But goddamn it, how long am I going to have to pay for it? It made it easier to understand why we are moving on from one another. But I thought we were at least going to be friends.
I had left Fat Tony’s with a swift goodbye not long after her speech. Hell, I think I even patted her on the back as I gave her a quick farewell hug. But I had to get out of there before I cracked and fell apart.
It was all still too raw. Harlow. Armie. My head was a fucking mess. I’d hung in there for as long as possible but felt myself begin to unravel when that fucking song came on the jukebox. I just can’t shake this fantasy … that I want her.
So I left and hit the gym, hard. I didn’t want to think about her anymore. I didn’t want the reminder that tomorrow she’d be leaving California and turning her back on me for good. She would resume her old life back home in Savannah. Go to college. Get back with Colton. Probably get married and have a family with him. It wouldn’t take long and I would become nothing but a faded memory to her.
I shoved the boxing bag away from me and slumped against the wall. My skin was slick with sweat and my heart thundered against my chest as I tried to calm my breathing. I didn’t want it to be over. Goddamn it. I was so crazy in love with her I could barely see straight.
Everything was falling apart around me. I slipped to the floor and my head fell back against the wall. Armie was gone. Dead. And tomorrow Harlow would board a plane to Georgia.
I squeezed my eyes shut.
“Please stay,” I whispered into nowhere.
But I knew there was no hope. Tomorrow she would leave. Because even after all this time—after all the apologies, after everything—Harlow didn’t want me anymore.
* * * * *
HARLOW
God was mocking me. To signal the sad end to my Californian adventure, he made my last day a cold, uncharacteristically cloudy, grey day.
To make it worse, I think I woke up with a cold.
With a little bit of PMS thrown in for good measure.
I packed my bags with absolutely no enthusiasm. I didn’t want to leave. But it was time to move on. College would be starting soon and I had a life to resume in Savannah.
To make myself feel better I grabbed my iPod and hit shuffle. When ‘Dreamweaver’ by Gary Wright came on I sat back on my bed and looked out the little window to the beach in the distance. My heart sagged low in my chest. Grey clouds gathered over a bleak ocean and suddenly everywhere seemed completely devoid of warmth and sunlight.
Summer was well and truly over.
I stood up and hit stop play. It was time to go.
“Let me get my keys,” Bridget said as I stood by the front door with my suitcases and carry-on bag.
As she looked for her keys I glanced around the little apartment I had called home for the last five months and wished desperately my summer was just beginning, and not ending. How was it possible for my life to have changed so much in such a short amount of time?