Later, Beatrice came back to hang for a while, talk about things. She lay down beside him in opposition, head-to-toe, using both packs of thick boot socks for a pillow. She told him she was thinking about maybe not spending so much time up at Helixon’s — it was kind of a weird scene, with lots of pressure on girls to get high on drugs and go down on guys. And more. She wasn’t sure if she wanted to do all that just to be popular. Wylie disliked the idea of his sister’s having sex with someone he didn’t approve of, which was just about everyone.
“Not a good reason,” he said. “Popularity.”
“You’re a guy. Doesn’t that like betray the guy code or something?”
“I kind of liked being unpopular,” he said. “It was a form of privacy.”
“I don’t have that strength of character, Wyles.”
“If you said you did, you would.”
“That’s like something Dad would say. Like positive but totally not verifiable.” Bea ran her finger down the birch paneling of the wall, then picked a strand of her long blond hair and looked at it. “There’s one guy at Mountain High I wouldn’t mind talking more to. Kind of shy. He hasn’t said one thing to me about either drugs or sex. And he’s the most perfect dancer ever.”
“Sounds like a start, Bea.”
“It’s cool. I can be in the same room with him and not have him all over me.”
“You’re the boss, Bea. Don’t forget that.”
“Okay. I won’t. Wylie? I hope you’re not disappointed, but I’m not much interested in competitive boarding anymore.”
“I gathered that.”
“I hope I’m not letting you down.”
“There’s a lot more than competition, Bea.”
“I just don’t have the nerves. I get so damned scared before every event. Now Robert. Jeez, Wylie. I’m so afraid of that being me. If it can happen to Sarah Burke...”
“Ride your board for fun, Bea. That’s the beginning and end of it.”
No sooner had Beatrice left than Belle showed up, and Wylie got an earful of what fifteen-year-olds were up to these days, not all of it comforting, either. He figured he must be getting old. Belle had a weak spot for getting high, and she admitted it and told Wylie she was fighting off the urge most of the time. But it was hard. Wylie set his glass on the other side of the bed, where she wouldn’t be looking right at it, though he couldn’t keep the smell from her. Can you keep anything from someone who really wants it?
Belle didn’t seem to notice. She was talking fast about her ski-cross possibilities for next year as a sixteen-year-old, her good chances at making the team and maybe even a shot at the Mammoth Cup, and wouldn’t that be the coolest to both podium in their events, both be top of the box with gold? Wylie had to agree. Belle had always been fearless and direct on the course, a lot like Wylie. With hard training and good luck, she could be a contender in the under-eighteen category. The u-eighteens were stacked with talent, so Belle had lots of competition.
She went quiet then, and Wylie caught her looking at him while pretending not to. After a moment, she gave up the pretense and speared him with her serious gaze. She had fierce concentration when she needed it. “Tell me about the war, Wylie.”
“Not now. Some other time.”
“When?”
“Later.”
“You were a medic, right?”
“Unofficial. The medics were corpsman and I was a grunt. But I helped out some brothers when they couldn’t help themselves. I seemed to have some knack for that.”
She looked at him, half innocence and half suspicion. She had her mother’s dark hair and eyes. “Were you on the battlefield?”
“Yes, a lot, Belle.”
“Did you see people die?”
“I saw that, too.”
“Did you kill?”
“No,” he said, lying. In Wylie’s opinion, this particular truth would be of no help to Belle as yet in her life. And no help to himself to confess. He felt the boxes containing his troubling memories jostling around, way up on the shelves of his mind. “No. I helped some wounded men survive. Nothing really dramatic, though.”
“Oh.”
“It’s hard to think back, because you kind of have to live things again,” he said.
“It’s been two whole years.”
“I’ll tell you a battlefield story some other time, Belle.”
“Maybe just a short one now? A really small one?”
Wylie sighed and shook his head. “We got lit up on a trail and there was nothing to hide behind. Which is why they hit us there. Some of it was mortar fire, and that comes from above and drops down on you and the shells explode in big rings of shrapnel. I hit the dirt and crawled like a bug to the nearest cover. It was a little pile of rocks maybe the size of a suitcase turned over on its side. I got myself up against it the best I could and buried my face in the sand and held my helmet on hard as I could. The shells kept landing and I was waiting to not be here anymore, and then they stopped. It was quiet for a minute, which seemed like an hour. I felt someone touch my shoulder, and when I cranked up my face from the dirt, no one was there.”
“Who was it?”
“I don’t know.”
“How could they have gotten away that fast?”
“I don’t know.”
“Where was Jesse Little Chief?”
“A hundred feet behind me, half-dug into a low spot.”
“Just your imagination?”
“Sometimes I think so.”
Belle gave him an appraising look. “I’d like another story sometime.”
“Okay.”
“I’m holding you to that.”
Then Beatrice was back and they lounged around in the MPP with the double doors open to the cool summer air and the fragrance of conifers all around. It was well after midnight when Wylie shooed both girls back to the house and stretched out and read through some things he’d written, shaking his head at the nonpoeticalness of them. Maybe there should always be something in your life you want but can’t have, he thought. And I shall never write a good poem. He looked for a long time at the stars aglitter through the portholes. One of Wylie’s mental boxes — the one containing the Taliban fighter — began to slide from its place on one of the high, orderly shelves in Wylie’s mind. So he reached up and caught a bottom corner and pushed it back into place.
He went outside to view the MPP again in its entirety. Deep in the dark trees he saw movement, then none. He thought of the old toolshed he’d crashed into. And how the hill had seemed so high and steep to him at age five.
He went back inside and fell asleep. But that Talib sniper came back to life again in his dreams, shooting at him and the rest of his fire team through a murder hole in a mud-brick compound wall. And damned if Sergeant Madigan didn’t come back, too, just in time for the sniper’s bullet to go through his neck one more time. And damned if Jesse wasn’t there, the knife in his hand at a weird angle to the dead Talib’s head. And damned if Wylie didn’t take the knife and finish what Jesse had begun, in that moment conceiving the notion of mental boxes that could be locked and stored away forever, their secrets hidden, their devils screaming away unheard.
Chapter Fifteen
By the dawn’s early light, Wylie let himself and the girls into Let It Bean. It was the Fourth of July. Even in summer the mountain cast its cold shadow on the town, and Wylie saw his breath in the air as he stepped into the still-unwarmed bakery. It smelled as it always did: of roasted coffee, warm cream, baked spices and yeast and flour mixed into a sweet, invisible, almost narcotic cloud. He flicked on the lights and set the thermostat and stepped into the walk-in refrigerator for a supplies check.