Sky and Antoinette walked to Sky’s car, each holding a plastic shopping bag and the other’s hand. At the mention of Wylie Welborn’s name, Sky’s expansive mood seemed to deflate and fall again. He heard the Black Not cackling faintly in the background. He took a deep breath.
“Are you okay, Sky?”
“More than okay.”
“Was it what Johnny Maines said about the race?”
“Indeed. I’m trying to control my emotions.”
“Adam will arrange the meeting. You can get to the other side of this thing. I so believe in you.”
“You’re the only person in the world who does.”
“I almost never hear self-pity in you.”
“That was factual, not self-pitying.”
They walked the rest of the way to the car in silence and Sky took another deep breath. You can do this.
“What do you guess Adam and Teresa think of me?” she asked.
He looked at Antoinette. It startled him that someone with so much intelligence and good grooming could be so uncertain of herself in the eyes of others. “I think they were impressed but worried that we’re hurrying things.”
“Well, we kind of are.”
“Totally. It’s part of the rush. But, Antoinette, I’m nonbudgeable in what I feel for you. I’ve made up my mind. So it is written. I love you very much and want you to be my wife.”
They put the bags in the trunk of the Subaru; then Sky held the passenger door open for her. Before climbing in, she stepped up close to Sky and kissed his lips lightly. “I’m proud to be your woman. I’m going to be the best woman you’ve ever had. I’m so sorry about Robert. I still remember the day I skied with him. You reminded me of him the second we met.”
“We were — are very different.”
“Less than you think. And he didn’t have your disadvantages.”
“It wrecks my soul to see him,” said Sky. “But I try to be strong for Mom.”
“You’re a good son.”
“I’m not sure what to do with crazy people.”
“Just love them.” She hugged him tight. She was small and slender enough to practically disappear. Her voice came from almost behind him now, disembodied, like his father’s. But Antoinette’s voice was invariably positive, not negative. Not not. “You don’t feel the Black Not coming, do you?”
“A presence but not a threat.”
“It’ll pass. You can beat it! I’m with you, Sky.”
“I feel like I was raised by a gigantic ghost with a face bigger than the whole town of Mammoth Lakes, and she hovers just above the tree line and watches everything I do. Do you think Wylie will talk?”
“For Adam, yes.”
“But not for me.”
She broke the embrace, sat down in the car, and looked up at him as she swept the shoulder restraint into place. “You two are half brothers. You’re going to figure it out. Just remember to stick to your facts and your ideas when you talk with Wylie. We’ll write out the main points on four-by-six note cards you can take with you.”
“Awesome, Antoinette. You are awesome.”
Chapter Thirty
Then, as in a movie smash cut or in a dream, Sky was sitting in the same wing chair in his grandfather’s aerie without Adam or Teresa, only Wylie heavily seated where Antoinette had been, seemingly moments ago. It was night, and in the expanse of the outdoor lights Sky saw the thin carpet of boulder-strewn snow, and beyond that the blackness of the slope, then the distant twinkling Christmas globe of a town far below.
“What’s with the hair?” asked Wylie.
“Antoinette did the color. What do you think?”
“Well...”
“I may grow a beard and have her do it sky blue.”
Wylie nodded in his superior way, Sky noted, or was it pure disdain? “I’m glad you showed,” Sky said, looking down at the note cards. Antoinette’s handwriting was neat and as sweet as her voice. Clear air first. “I want to clear the air so we can have a good clean race.”
“I’m good with you, Sky.”
Recap facts of the attacks. “Not so fast. You forced me off the X Course last January. And knocked me out at Slocum’s.”
“To clear the air, you have to let go of those things.”
“Exactly.”
“I can’t let go of them for you, Sky.”
Politely restate request for apology. “But you can apologize for running me off the course. Then I can let go. Really, that’s all it would take.”
“Are those note cards?”
Wylie looked at him for a long beat and Sky returned it. Without his beard, Wylie looked less bearlike and less intimidating to Sky. With the long hair, Wylie could have a Jesus look going, if only he could bring spiritual credibility to his face. Sky could see their father’s bones in him, at least what bones he could extrapolate from photos and video. Sky also noted the skeptical, show-me stare that nearly every Carson had. And, as always, Sky saw something of the brute stubbornness that ran through the river Carson like a deep, wide undertow. Wylie still held his gaze.
“Sky. I brushed by you. I took the line and you lost it and canned up. I won’t endorse your lie. And I won’t apologize for what I didn’t do. Why would I do that?”
“Because I’m asking you.”
“I won’t. You can’t revise something once it’s done. You don’t get to. Nobody does. You have to see things for what they are. Not what you want them to be.”
“But you, Wylie, can change things with a simple apology.”
“No. I can’t change things at all, with anything. That’s the whole point, and you don’t get it.”
“I knew you’d be too stubborn and self-righteous to apologize.” There was a long silence, until Sky spoke again. He watched the snow slanting softly down. “And there’s the threat I made.”
“Right.”
“I won’t retract it.”
“I let it go, Sky.”
“Big mistake. I gave my word on it. And my word is something I don’t retract. Not anymore.”
“Right.”
Right. The inflection in Wylie’s voice hit Sky like the X Course rocks he’d busted up on that day. It was a revelation. He dropped the cards to the floor. He sensed the Black. Not nearby, eavesdropping on all this. He heard his father’s soft cackle. He tried to blot it out so he could hear Antoinette’s clear, logical, persuasive voice. “You don’t take my warning seriously.”
“No. I never did.”
“Never?”
“Not after I saw the water come out of the squirt gun.”
“Not even a shadow of doubt?”
“A very occasional one, maybe.”
“What if the gun had been real?”
“There you go again, trying to change what can’t be changed.”
“The realness of the gun is changeable. Didn’t you learn threat assessment in the war?”
“From the second I signed my name at the recruiting office.”
“Then how can you ignore this? You’re making a terrible mistake, Wylie.” Sky leaned forward, rested his arms on his knees, and stared down at the note cards splayed on the floor before him.
Accept apology with graciousness and retract threat sincerely.
Remember that your mutual love of Robert is behind all of this.
If no apology, withdraw threat ANYWAY to remove obligation and clear conscience.
Withdraw?
No, he thought. I won’t do that. Not again. As I have so many times before. I’m sorry, Antoinette, but that was the one card you wrote out that I didn’t agree with. I spoke very clearly, but you talked over what I was trying to say. Your clear, beautiful voice went right over me. But you can’t talk over me now. And I have to speak for myself.