“We’re not given equal things.”
“Isn’t that a bottomless excuse?”
“To be met with bottomless forgiveness. You can afford it, Wylie. You’re more fortunate than he is.”
“But it’s my trailer that my got burned to nothing.”
“You’ll get another one.”
“There was only one MPP,” he said, taken aback by his own pouting lameness. Wylie felt her fingers tracing S’s down his back, one fingertip on his left side and two fingertips in close parallel down his right, miming their run down Solitary, that second run they’d made, when they knew the mountain enough to relax and move together, then apart, then together again, as the run demanded. “I had this out-of-nowhere idea that you were the one who bid the twelve grand on eBay. For the MPP.”
“Oh, really?”
A beat of silence while her fingers rode down his back again. He felt his goose bumps rising, tiny moguls on the course. The fire was hot on his face and chest and the aloe was still cool.
“It was going to be your Christmas present, Wyles.”
“You shouldn’t have.”
“Why not? Tell me why I can’t help your family have a roof and give you back something you loved?”
“It seems wrong. I know I’m being a stupid prick, but I can’t help it.” Wylie had never in his life felt this divided but pigheaded at the same time.
“I have something to say.” She spread her hands across his thighs and dug in her thumbs, kneading the muscle. He felt her face and breath warm on his back. “We can stay in this house through the Mammoth Cup. We’ll train all day, then lock the doors and draw the blinds and be together. We’ll eat good food and get lots of rest. We’ll read and watch movies and you can write as good as Rexroth. After the cup, I’m off to Aspen, then Europe for the FIS circuit. You will podium here in Mammoth and do well at the X Games, and make the World Cup tour, too. Adam so wants to sponsor you, to make it real for you. Now listen, it gets better. We can see each other on the FIS circuits, Wylie. There’s some overlap at the venues. And a little time between contests. And when we’re competing, we’ll kick butt from one end of the tour to the other. We might fall sometimes, but we’ll help each other even if we’re apart, and we’ll get up again and win medals and fight our way into the Olympics. We can do this. We can have each other and the world, Wylie. I believe it. I can taste it.”
It was abruptly illuminating for Wylie to hear his Olympic goal analyzed in this clear, direct, can-do way. To have it sound possible. To consider a future tied to hers. To this April Holly. And it was wonderful to be nudged through the forest of his own doubtful pessimism, as if her hand were on his elbow. “Well. It...”
“Well it what?”
“Sounds impossibly good.”
“Impossible? Banish that word from your vocabulary! It is your enemy. You win from within, correct? So we must live from within, too. I’ve seen you ski. I know what you’re up against and what you can do. You have the tools. You have a gift. So you’re right about this plan being good. Our success will give Beatrice and Belle a chance at something bigger. And when we’re done with the competition, we’ll open a ski and boarding school right here in Mammoth. I know Adam will help. He adores you. With our Olympic medals, we’ll draw students from all over the world. They will flock to Mammoth Lakes. They’ll buy their coffee and pastries at Let It Bean. I’ll teach the boarders and you the skiers and we’ll have babies and teach them, too. And we will gradually become plump and wrinkled by the mountain sun and we’ll start repeating ourselves in conversation, but we’ll be happy and together and nobody will ever, ever, ever be able to take it away.”
A long moment passed. “I’m speechless, April.”
“Step up to it, Wylie!”
“I think we... could do it.”
“What does your heart say?”
“It says we can.”
“I know we can. You have to believe in it. Everything follows from belief. Nothing exists without belief being there first.”
“I...”
He felt her warm cheek on his back, her fingers walking his waist around to the front. His belt tightened, then went slack. He heard the dull pop of pant studs and felt cool air coming in. Brain and body on scramble.
April sighed. “Oh — just FYI and by the way, I made an offer on this place this morning. Cash, short escrow, low end of asking. Realtor says it’ll probably go. I love it here. It will be our home on this mountain.”
“You scare me.”
“I scare me, too. Such a wonderful thing to do. I’d never dreamed of scaring myself until I met you, Wylie. It’s like you got sent here by God. To undo my straitjacket.”
“I make you crazy?”
“You just let me bean.”
“Hmmm...”
“But serious, too. We’re good for each other in different ways. You let me be free and I help you believe. You keep everything in and I let everything out. We’re a good, good fit.”
“I think I like it.”
“He thinks he likes it. Thinks. Well, at least you’re cute, Wyles.”
“Never been accused of that.”
“Want to, like, celebrate? Maybe on that fake bearskin rug?”
Chapter Thirty-Six
Snow stood twelve feet deep on Mammoth Mountain for the Gargantua Mammoth Cup men’s ski-cross finals on Saturday, January 16. The temperature was thirty-one degrees, with a light breeze, and the sky was a hard pewter gray.
Wylie juiced his skis in the waxing area set up near the X Course starting house. His Sabers lay on the sawhorses and he waited for his secret concoction of waxes to reach the right temperature. He wore a respirator against the noxious fluorinated vapors. Some of the wax technicians stood by, drinking coffee in colorful steel mugs, waiting their turn. The techs were there for the Mammoth freeski team members only, but even when Wylie was part of team, he’d always done his own waxing — part science and part meditation. His wax recipe was on the grippy side, because his racing style was for speed. He ironed it on in long, even strokes, the hot fumes wafting witchingly into the cold air. He was inwardly focused and borderline oblivious to things around him.
Later behind his starting gate, Wylie stretched, yawned as always before a race, felt that temporary standoff between fear and adrenaline. He glanced at the several TV cameras that would broadcast the start of the race to the big screens down at the finish. Thoughts careened through his mind as if on casters, suddenly changing directions, some linked and others rogue and random. Claude’s CR Fives the best. Invincible on them. Breathe deep. Patrol in Kandahar and racing down a mountain. Lose a leg, break a neck. Will and luck. The fall line is your bro. Boxes locked and shelved and you fuckers will not open until I tell you to. Good poachers for breakfast, pepper and butter on top. Start me up. Watch me go. Robert, Robert. April down there at the finish. April Holly. Ten thousand prize money. Ten thousand! Remember let mind go. Let mind wander. Worst loss was ‘cause I thought too much, concentrated too hard, and made the body wait. Body knows best. Big picture only, eyes ahead, don’t fight yourself, man. Miss the MPP, get another someday. Lucky on the burns and April’s aloe vera. Love to kick Sky’s ass. Going to kick Sky’s ass, you just watch. Hope that wax was right, been a while...
Yesterday, Wylie’s qualification and semifinal races had been good enough but imprecise, leaving him the fourth gate pick for this final race. For the cup, Mike Cook had outfitted the X Course with drop-in start gates to space the racers safely, and these gates were positioned fairly and evenly. Wylie was secretly pleased to get the least-wanted gate, number 1, on the far left. It would leave him the longest line into the first X Course feature — a right bank — but he would be making that turn on the strength of his dominant left foot, on which his best speed and balance had always been built.