She’d gotten what she wanted. But maybe she wasn’t quite prepared for that. What happened next?
Although she’d mostly been reacting and hadn’t really thought about what they were doing, she had thought she could do it—have this one time with the man she’d always wanted, one night of no-strings-attached, scratch-an-itch sex. But she may have misjudged her own ability to do that without involving her emotions.
Her heart sank, heavy and full. Because if she hadn’t gotten over Travis in the last seven years, how on earth did she think she was going to get over him now? Now they’d actually had sex…
“Samara.” He lifted her chin to look at her, concern in his blue eyes. Then she shoved at his chest and pushed herself away from him. She scrambled to sit, glaring at him.
“Why didn’t you stop me?” she demanded.
His eyes widened, and his head lifted off the pillow. “What!” He gave his head a shake. “Jesus. Here I was worried that you’d think you seduced me against my will. And you ask why I didn’t stop you?” He closed his eyes and dropped his head back down.
Something inside her quivered, and she felt her heart tumble lower. She was taking out her worries and fears on him, and he didn’t deserve it. He’d been worried about her. He hadn’t wanted to hurt her again. But...had she seduced him against his will? Oh dear lord...“Did you really want me?”
He opened his eyes. They blazed with a blue flame. “You are the most irritating, frustrating female I have ever encountered!” He shoved himself up to sitting and they faced each other. “I can’t do anything right! When I try to do the right thing and resist you, I hurt your feelings. When I give into temptation, I piss you off. Then you ask that! How can you even ask? Did you not feel me inside you?”
Uh, right. Okay, that had been a stupid question. There was no doubt in her mind that Travis had wanted her with the same desperate hunger she’d wanted him. An aching joy, a wistful satisfaction filled her, along with budding hope. “I just wanted to make sure,” she whispered. And then she crumpled, remembering...remembering why she’d been so hurt, why they couldn’t ever be together. Why she should be hating him. She covered her face with her hands and bent her head, her hair falling around her.
“What? What’s wrong, Samara?” He reached over to try to push her hair back.
“I can’t get past it,” she whispered. “I’m sorry, I just can’t.”
“Get past what?”
She drew a long shaky breath into her lungs. “You and my mother.”
She felt him go utterly still. After a tight pause, he said, “What about me and your mother?”
“The affair you had with her.”
He made a choking noise. “What!”
She chewed on her bottom lip. “I know about your affair.”
“What the fuck are you talking about?”
“Seven years ago. I heard you and my mom talking. It was just after...after that night when I kissed you. I heard you two talking about Dad.”
His eyes narrowed, Travis shook his head. “Yeah. So? I have no idea what you’re talking about, Samara.”
She blew out a breath. “I don’t remember every word, but she said dad knew, and you said you were sorry, that you never meant to jeopardize their marriage, and she said it wasn’t all your fault and that she hadn’t handled things very well either, and then she said maybe it was best for all of you if you moved to L.A. even though she didn’t want you to go. And you sounded very...close.”
“Oh, no. Oh, no, no, no.” Travis closed his eyes and rubbed his forehead. “And you thought we were having an affair? Me and your mother? Oh Jesus. Jesus Christ.”
“Was...were you...Travis...?” He looked like he was in pain but wanted to laugh. Doubts swirled inside her as she stared at his expression.
“It’s almost funny, except it’s so goddamn stupid and tragic,” he said roughly. “Please, Samara, please tell me that’s not why you ran away and barely spoke to your mother for seven fucking years.”
Her heart picked up a heavy sluggish beat, her body pulsing in time to it. She swallowed tightly. “Yes. That’s why. I was so...hurt. By both of you. You’d rejected me, and then I found out that was why, and I was furious with my mother. I felt like she’d...stolen you away from me.”
He made another sound like a low growl.
“And I was angry at her for cheating on my dad like that. Angry at both of you, for betraying him like that. He was your partner. I didn’t understand how you could do that to him.”
“I didn’t do that to him.” He grabbed hold of her upper arms and gave her a little shake. “Are you insane? I never had an affair with your mother!”
“Shh. She’s just down the hall.”
“I don’t give a shit!” But he lowered his voice. “Samara, I swear to you, there has never been anything between me and your mother.” He gave her a hard stare. “Jesus, Samara. That is so fucked up.”
“Then...what...” She couldn’t even ask the questions because his words took her world and shook it up like she’d been pulled into a rip tide. Everything she’d known and believed for the last seven years shattered and rained down around her in tiny pieces.z
“Oh god.” She thought for a moment, remembering the tension between her parents, and how she’d attributed that to the affair. Her mind raced from one thought fragment to another. There’d been no affair. There’d been no affair. All those years when she’d been hurt and pissed off at her mother had been for nothing. A wrenching agony ripped through her at how stupid she’d been. Heavy regret washed over her, and her eyes stung. She lowered her head and stared at the pink, chocolate and taupe duvet, forcing back the tears.
She was an idiot. The biggest, stupidest idiot in the world. She’d not only trashed her own life, but her mother’s, and she knew her father’d been deeply hurt by the rift between them too. She wanted to die. She wanted to just curl up and hide her face in shame and never emerge.
“I should be so pissed off at you,” he murmured. “That you’d think I would do something like that.”
“Yes,” she sobbed. “You should. You should hate me.”
“I don’t hate you, Samara,” he said wearily. “I know how pissed off at yourself you must be right now.”
She made a little noise of pain. “My mother...oh, god.”
“I know. I know. But you’ll talk. She’ll forgive you, Samara. She loves you.” He pulled her onto his lap and wrapped his arms around her.
She didn’t deserve it. She didn’t deserve Travis’s comfort either. But he was giving it to her, and she wanted it, and she wanted him. So much. Gratitude for his forgiveness and understanding swelled inside her, hot and soft in her chest, feeling a lot like...love.
She couldn’t be in love with him. Not after all these years. After only her own stupidity and stubbornness had kept them from being together.
Well. That wasn’t entirely true. She didn’t know what would have happened if she hadn’t run away all those years ago. She’d have gone away to college anyway, and even if she hadn’t believed Travis had betrayed her father and rejected her for her mother, they probably never would have ended up together anyway. Because―he’d rejected her. That still stung, but now, with the distance of time, she could finally admit Travis had been right. There was no way a twenty-five-year-old man would have had anything to do with a seventeen-year-old girl.
She’d been so young and stupid and blind.
She lifted her head from his now-wet chest and gazed up at him. “I’m sorry, Travis. I am so, so sorry. I’ve made such a mess of everything.”
The corners of his mouth tipped up, and he smoothed his fingertips across her wet cheek. “Yes, you have.”
“I’ve been trying so hard to show you I’m mature and responsible and capable, and the truth is I’m just an idiot who has no idea what she’s doing.”