“Oh, no!” Mapleshade yanked him back to face her. “You must listen to the whole story.” Her rank breath bathed his muzzle. “Their father blamed me! And RiverClan cast me out, too. Can you imagine what that feels like? To be rejected twice? To be a loner when all you tried to do was to love? But don’t worry, I made them pay. I looked for revenge wherever I could! Why do you think I’m here?” Her gaze flicked around the clearing. “I earned my place in the Dark Forest. But what made it worse was that the father of my drowned kits took a RiverClan mate! He promised he would only love me! They had a daughter, and she had a son, and do you know who that son was?”
Crookedstar shook his head, trying to keep up.
“Shellheart,” Mapleshade snarled. “Your father.” Her paws were trembling. “Do you see now? Do you understand?”
“Understand what?”
“You mouse-brain! My kin should have been the leader of RiverClan, not his! If ThunderClan hadn’t driven me across the river, my kits would never have died. If RiverClan hadn’t rejected me, I’d be their father’s mate, not some fish-hearted RiverClan queen.” Her breath was coming in gasps now. “I’ve endured so much betrayal! So many cats have hurt me beyond measure. And then you came, destined for so much greatness, when you should never have been born!” She shoved him away from her. “I wanted to test your loyalty,” she hissed. “I wanted to see if you were as weak and disloyal as your kin. I wanted to see if you’d betray me like they did.” She circled him, her lip peeled back. “Do you remember what I said? Do you remember my exact words? I can give you everything you ever dreamed of, power over all your Clanmates, if you promise to be loyal to your Clan above all other things. Do you make that promise? And you did! You promised! You chose to sacrifice every cat you ever loved. Your mother, your brother, your mate, and now your own kits: From that one promise, I could take them all!”
“You’re crazy!” Crookedstar whispered.
Mapleshade thrust her muzzle close. “But I’m also dead.” Her gaze glittered wildly. “Which means you can’t hurt me!” She barged past him and Crookedstar woke in his nest with blood welling on his pelt.
Chapter 40
Crookedstar nosed his way through the moss draping his den. Dawn was flooding the sky. Timberfur was already beside the reed bed organizing the patrols. Frogleap, Echomist, Owlfur, and Lakeshine clustered around him. Reedtail and Skyheart hurried from their den, closely followed by Blackclaw and Loudbelly. Crookedstar watched them listen to Timberfur’s orders. All of RiverClan’s warriors, keen and ready for duty, loyal to their Clan and expecting nothing but the same from their leader.
“Echomist, you take Skyheart and Reedtail fishing,” Timberfur meowed. “Head upstream. We’ve been over-fishing beside the stepping-stones. Owlfur, you take—” He glanced up as Crookedstar walked into the clearing. His expression was somber, clouded, as he studied his leader. Crookedstar tried not to flinch as, one by one, the warriors snatched a look at him before turning away, pelts pricking with unease. Suddenly Crookedstar felt like a kit again, leaving the medicine den for the first time after he’d broken his jaw. But this was worse.
“They don’t know how to comfort you.” Brambleberry’s mew snapped him back to the present. She stopped beside him, smelling of herbs and dew, and dropped a bundle of fresh leaves on the ground.
“There’s nothing they can do,” Crookedstar rasped. It was his first dawn without Willowbreeze. He could hardly believe the sun had risen. “How’s Silverkit?” he asked quietly.
“She’s fine. I’ll tell her you asked after her.” Brambleberry glanced at her herb-stained paws. “I’ve been collecting marigold for her, just to be safe. She doesn’t have any symptoms but I don’t think we can be too careful.”
Crookedstar cut her off. “I have to talk to you.” His ears twitched. “Alone.” He led her out of camp and down to the shore, padding on to a wide, flat stone that jutted at the water’s edge. The willows were starting to brown. Crookedstar watched a leaf flutter on to the river. The water swirled it and carried it gently away.
“Well?” Brambleberry prompted.
“I didn’t tell you everything.” Crookedstar searched the medicine cat’s gaze, frightened of what he’d find. She might never trust him again.
She blinked. “Go on.”
“I wasn’t just trained by a cat from the Dark Forest.” Crookedstar felt hot. “I made a promise to her. She told me she’d give me everything I ever dreamed of. She told me I’d be leader, but I had to promise to be loyal to my Clan above all other things.” He waited for Brambleberry to comment but she just watched him. “It seemed like such a small promise,” he went on. “Of course I’d be loyal to my Clan. I’d always be loyal to my Clan. But she wanted me to promise loyalty above all other things.” The words felt sour on his tongue.
“What did she mean by that?”
“I didn’t ask. I just assumed it would be easy.” His shoulders sagged. “I didn’t realize she meant I had to sacrifice every cat I ever loved.”
“You mean Willowbreeze?” Brambleberry asked.
“And Rainflower and Hailstar.”
“But you didn’t sacrifice them.” Brambleberry stared at him in dismay. “It was their time to die. It had nothing to do with you.”
“But it did!” Crookedstar lashed his tail. “They’d still be alive if I hadn’t made my promise. And Oakheart would never…” He stopped himself. Brambleberry didn’t have to know Oakheart had betrayed his Clan with a ThunderClan cat. He swung his head miserably. “Things would have been different if I hadn’t been so determined to become leader. Mapleshade would have left the Clan alone.”
I’ll have to stop being leader. Now that Brambleberry knew
it was his fault that RiverClan had lost so much, she’d
make StarClan take back his lives. Crookedstar hung his head and stared at the flat gray stone beneath his paws. He deserved it.
Brambleberry narrowed her eyes. “Why are you so certain that things would have been different? Does this Dark Forest cat really have the power to change a Clan’s destiny?” There was a challenge in her gaze. “Do you? Are you really so powerful that you can hold the lives of cats in your claws? Even when StarClan can’t?”
Crookedstar shifted his paws, his fur crawling with confusion.
“Oh, Crookedstar.” Brambleberry’s eyes glistened. “You’ve had to walk a dark and terrible path alone.” She climbed onto the stone beside him and leaned against his flank. “None of these deaths are your fault. I doubt if they’re Mapleshade’s fault, either. Sometimes bad things happen for no reason, or for reasons we can’t begin to understand.” She stepped back and held his gaze. “Please never feel like you need to suffer alone again. I will always be on your side. I’m your medicine cat. You can trust me with anything.”
“Really?” Crookedstar swallowed the emotions that bubbled in his throat.
“Really.” Brambleberry licked him on the cheek. “And hopefully Mapleshade has had her revenge and will leave you in peace.”
For the first time since he was a kit, Crookedstar felt free. He’d shared his secret. Completely. He felt light, relief washing his pelt. “Let’s get back to camp.” He hopped off the stone. “Timberfur may need help with the patrols.” He’d faced the Clan after he’d broken his jaw. He could face them now. They were his Clanmates; he was their leader. They needed him as much as he needed them.