Go back to sleep.
I buried my face in my pillow, trying to ignore the finality of his words, pretending I hadn’t felt his mind withdraw from mine, but it was no use. Despite my nightly pledge that I would not think of him, would not dream of him, and would not wake up crying, I did just that.
At one point I thought there might be hope of a future with Kristoff. That tiny little morsel of hope shriveled up to nothing and wafted away as my body curled itself into a fetal ball, the pain of Kristoff’s rejection leaving me racked with sobs as the long hours of the deep night passed into a joyless dawn.
CHAPTER 1
Crash!
“Sorry! I have a cart with a wonky wheel,” I said by way of an apology to the woman whose shopping cart I had just bumped into while trying to maneuver my own out the door of the grocery store.
My victim reclaimed the package of toilet paper that bounced out of her cart at the impact, and waved away my apology with a gentle, “That happens. Light be with you.”
“You called me up to tell me you have a wonky shopping cart?” An amused voice laughed softly in my ear as I swore under my breath, struggling one-handed to make my cart behave.
“No, I called you up because you left a message telling me to call you. Dammit! I’m so sorry, sir. It has a mind of its own. Are you hurt? Oh, good. I’ll back up so you can get your shoe from the maw of the beastly thing.”
A pleasant-faced young man gave me a somewhat weak smile as he knelt down to wrestle his shoe from under the wheel of the cart, his voice somewhat muffled by his position and the noise of the busy parking lot. “It’s no problem. Light bless you.”
“Oh, Pia.” Magda laughed even more vigorously, her voice spilling out of the cell phone I clamped between my cheek and shoulder as I fought to shove the cart the few remaining feet to my car. “Only you could find such comical happenings at a grocery store.”
“Well, it’s partially your fault,” I grumbled, giving in as the cart made a sudden swerve and seemed hell-bent on slamming into a sleek crimson Porsche sitting next to my somewhat battle-scarred Hyundai. I hauled the cart backward to my car. “The second you called the cart went wild on me, and it’s impossible to control such a thing with one hand. But it is nice to hear from you.”
“Likewise. And for the record, I was responding to your message when I called you. Are you stocking up on my behalf?”
“Yup. Per your request, I have purchased suitable amounts of animal flesh and seafood for my new grill. I promise you’re going to go wild over my ginger-garlic scallops.”
“Oh, Pia, about that . . .”
“Ma’am?” I turned at the tug on my arm. The man whose shoe my cart had tried to consume held out a bright blue package. “I think these fell out of your cart. I don’t use this brand.”
“My original plan was to stay with you for a week, and see my sister in Vancouver for a week, but . . .”
I made a face as I took the industrial-sized package of sanitary pads he shoved toward me. “Life seems to be bent on discomposing me today. Thank you.”
He laughed. “Don’t let it bother you. I have a wife, so I’m hip to all sorts of feminine products. Although I don’t believe I’ve ever seen this particular product before. Does ‘effusive flow’ mean what I think it does?”
“. . . and Ray managed to get away, so I thought I’d just switch to two weeks, if you don’t mind . . .”
I shoved the pads into the car and tried to will away the blush that was sweeping upward. “Thank you. I think I’ll just die of embarrassment now.”
He laughed again and sauntered away, waving a friendly hand. “I wouldn’t want to diminish any light in the world, least of all yours, so I’ll be on my way.”
“Pia? Pia? Are you listening to me?”
“Sorry. I was wanting a hole to open up and swallow me. . . .” I paused, looking back at the man as he hopped into a blue minivan. “Did he say what I think he said?”
“I don’t know; I couldn’t hear him-I was too busy telling you about the change in plans. Boy, you really are having a day, aren’t you?” Magda’s voice was choked with laughter.
“You have no idea. . . .” I thought for a moment, then shook my head. “I must have misheard. My day, as you said, has been interesting.” I flung the rest of the groceries into the car, manhandled the cart over to a designated holding area, and returned to my car, cranking the air-conditioning on high as I slumped against the hot seat. “Hang on a sec while I plug in the headset . . . much better. Now, where were we? Oh! You said something about a change in plans? Don’t tell me you’re not coming to visit after all?”
“Would I do that to my favorite Zorya?”
I grimaced at the word. “You know full well I’m an ex-Zorya. The nearest Brotherhood group is in southern California, and I’m not about to offer my services to them.”
“We can talk about your future when we get up there.”
“We?” I pulled out of the parking lot and drove slowly through the tiny town perched high in the mountains, located about an hour’s drive out of Seattle. My house, modest as it was, sat near the edge of the town, nestled between tall fir trees and a sheer rocky wall. “Who’s we?”
“Ray is coming with me. If you don’t mind, that is.”
“Mind? No, I like him.” I had to work a little to bring up my mental image of the man Magda had met on the singles’ tour we’d taken some two months before. All I could really remember of him was that he was tall and rather skinny, balding, with mild eyes and an innocuous manner. To be honest, he seemed to fade to near invisibility when Magda was around, but she had that effect on a lot of people. She was full of life and color, with snapping black eyes and a joy of life that was infectious. “So you guys are still going strong, eh?”
“More than ever,” she cooed. “He rearranged his schedule so that he’d have a month to spend with me before he has to go back to Denver. Isn’t that sweet? So I hoped you wouldn’t mind if he came with me to visit you. I swear he’s housebroken, and he’s promised he’ll be happy to just sit and read or watch movies if we want to have some girl time together.”
“Sounds perfect,” I said, parking my car in the tiny carport attached to my equally tiny house. I puffed a little as I hauled all the groceries inside.
“You OK?” Magda asked when I grunted with relief as I dropped the heavy bags on the kitchen table.
“Yeah, just out of shape. And before you ask, no, I haven’t found time to go to the ladies’ gym like I said I was going to.”
Magda giggled. “Plump is in, sweetie. I keep telling you that.”
“Uh-huh. Maybe your plump is in, but mine is spilling out all over the place. Whoever said that pining for a man would make you waste away to nothing was full of bull. I’ve gained ten pounds since I came back from Iceland!”
“Judging by the way you and Kristoff went at it while you were there, I’d say he was a man who appreciated a woman with abundant curves, and you have nothing to worry about.”
The vision rose in my mind of a midnight tryst in a barn, my body suffused with heat as I remembered the sensation of Kristoff’s mouth caressing the flesh of my neck and breasts. But with that memory came another one: that of Kristoff silently withdrawing his mind from mine.
I didn’t doubt that despite my physical flaws he desired me sexually . . . but a Beloved was supposed to be so much more than that.
How could I be anything to a man who didn’t want me?
“Pia, you still there?”
“Yes,” I said, clearing my throat and trying not to sound as if I were on the verge of tears.
Instantly, her voice was filled with sympathy. “Oh, honey, I’m sorry; I shouldn’t have brought up the subject of Kristoff.”
“No, it’s OK. It’s just that I had this strange dream this morning. That’s what I was calling about. You remember the messenger I told you the vampires were going to send me? I dreamed he came, and somehow you were here, and so were Kristoff and his brother, and it seemed so real until I woke up.”