He'd begun avoiding Manak. He knew it hurt the old man, but the fleet chaplain knew him too well. Manak's own faith might be hardening into a desperate conviction capable of ignoring the reality of impending defeat, yet he could hardly fail to spot the admiral's steady spiritual rot.
Not for the first time, Lantu cursed the stubborn streak in his own soul, for there was such a thing as too much integrity. If he could only have left well enough alone, he might not face these agonizing doubts. Might not have to worry that he might fall prey to the Inquisition.
Yet he was what he was, and he could no more have stopped himself than he could let his fleet die at Redwing. He'd been careful enough no one suspected-he hoped-but he'd delved deeply into the New Hebridan libraries and data base. He'd compared the Federation's version of history to that of the Church and found . . . divergences. Inconsistencies.
Lies.
And try as he might, he could not convince himself it was the humans who'd lied to him.
Caitrin's face was worn as she tossed another branch onto the fire. Then she leaned back against the cave wall, and Angus tightened his arm around her, trying to comfort without revealing his own anxiety. She would never admit exhaustion or fear, but he felt them sapping her inner strength like poison, and his hand brushed her ribs, then darted away from the slight swelling of her belly.
It was too much, he thought bitterly. A guerrilla war and pregnancy were just too much, and he cursed himself as the cause of it.
"Stop that." She caught his wrist and pressed his hand to the small bulge of their child. "I had a little something to do with it, too."
"Aye, but-"
"No 'buts'! It wouldn't have happened if I'd remembered my implant was running out-and if I weren't such a stubborn bitch, I'd have had it aborted."
Angus's arm tightened, and she pressed her face into his shoulder in silent apology. He would have understood an abortion-he'd spent seven years off-planet-but New Hebridans were colonials, not Innerworlders. Babies were precious to them in a way that went beyond logic, yet he knew Caitrin's decision went even deeper. She was determined to keep their child because it was part of him, and if the Shellheads caught up with him, she wanted that bit of him to remember and love.
He made himself loosen his embrace as Tulloch scooted into the cave.
"All under cover," he said tiredly, and Angus nodded.
"We mun make better time tomorrow."
"Aye." Tulloch glanced at Caitrin from the corner of one eye, then shook himself. "Weel, I'm off tae set the sentries."
He vanished, and Angus frowned into the fire.
"I've been thinkin'," he said slowly. " 'Tis but a matter o' time-and no sae much of it-afore the Shellies move back tae Aberdeen, Katie."
"I know," she said tiredly.
"Weel, then, 'twould be as well tae set up fall-backs now."
"Where?"
"Doon south. The weather's no sae cold, and we'd have better cover."
"That makes sense."
"Aye, sae I ken. But 'twill need one of us tae see tae it."
He felt her stiffen and stared steadfastly into the flames, refusing to meet her eyes. She started to speak, then stopped, and he knew she knew. If he sent her south, away from their current operational area, she'd have to cross an arm of the Zone, but the chance of interception was minute. And he might keep her safe . . . for a time, at least.
"How far south?" she finally asked tightly.
"A gae lang way-doon aboot New Gurock, I'm thinkin'."
"I see." He felt her inner struggle, her own stubborn strength rebelling against being sent to comparative safety. Had it been another woman and another child, she would have agreed instantly; that, too, was a factor in her thinking. And, he knew, she was thinking of him. Thinking of his need to see her as safe as he could make her.
"All right." Her voice was dull when she spoke at last. "I'll go."
Lantu flipped the last chip into his "Out" basket with a sigh of relief. Rain beat on the window, but the office's warmth enfolded him, and he stretched his arms hugely, rotating his double-jointed elbows.
"Lantu?"
He looked up quickly as Hanat closed the door behind her. Her face was anxious, and the use of his name warned him.
"Yes?"
"One of the flagged names has come up." She wrung her hands in an uncharacteristic gesture, and Lantu lowered his own hands to his desk and sat very still.
"Where?"
"Checkpoint Forty-One. Routine papers check and the Warden's stamp was wrong. At least-" she tried to look as if she felt it were a good thing "-it wasn't a Warden post."
"True." He studied his interlaced fingers. "Which name was it?"
"MacDougall," Hanat said softly. Lantu flinched, then gathered himself and met her eyes.
"Use my personal code to lock the report and have her brought here."
"Lantu-"
"Just do it, Hanat!" His voice was far harsher than he'd intended, and he smiled repentantly. "Just do it," he repeated more gently, and she nodded miserably and left.
"Nay, Angus!" Sean Bulloch shook him fiercely. "We cannae lose ye both, mon! Are ye gone clean daft?!"
"Stand out o' my way, Sean Bulloch," Angus said coldly.
"Sean's right, Angus." Tulloch MacAndrew was almost pleading. "And Katie'd no want ye tae do it, lad. Ye know that!"
"I'll no say it again. Stand out o' my way, the lot of ye!" Angus reached for his grenade launcher before he could make himself stop, and his dark eyes glared at his friends.
"Would ye do it fer anyone else, then, Angus MacRory?" Sean asked very softly, and Angus met his gaze squarely.
"Nay. But 'tis no anyone else, now is it?"
Sean held his eyes a moment, then his own gaze fell and he shook his head slowly and released Angus's shoulders.
"Then there's nowt more tae sae," Angus said quietly.
"But what d'ye think ye're gang tae do fer her?" Tulloch asked. "If the Shellies ken who she is, she's likely dead, mon!"
"I think ye're wrong. If they ken sae much, they ken I'll come fer her. Lantu's nae fool, Tulloch. He'll use her tae get at me."
"Which is nae less than he's done already!"
"As may be, I've nae choice."
"Then I'll no let ye gae alone." Angus glared, but his beetle-browed lieutenant glared right back. "D'ye think ye're the only one tae love her, ye bloody fool? If ye're mad enow tae gae, there's many o' us mad enow t' gae wi' ye."
"I'll no let any-"
"And how are ye tae stop us?" Tulloch asked scornfully. "If ye're daft enow tae try, we'll only follow. Better tae take a few lads willin', like."
Angus glowered wrathfully, but he saw the determination in Tulloch's eyes. When he looked to Sean the same stubbornness looked back, and his shoulders slumped.
"Weel enow," he sighed, "but nae more than ten men, Tulloch!"
CHAPTER TWENTY-THREE An Admiral Heretical
Caitrin MacDougall sat on the low bed, braced against the wall, eyes closed, and fought despair. The Wardens had changed their travel permit stamps only two days ago, but she was Angus's chief intelligence officer. She should have known; she hadn't, and though she'd managed to wound three of the guards, she hadn't made them kill her, either.
That was what terrified her, for the way she'd been whisked away, the crisp commands for the guards to forget they'd ever seen her, the curiosity in her "escort's" amber eyes, filled her with dread. The Shellheads had learned the value of intelligence since Lantu displaced Colonel Huark, and the way she'd been treated told her they knew who she was. What she was . . . and what might be forced from her. Her death might have broken Angus's heart; her survival might kill him.
One hand pressed the swell of the new life within her, and a single tear crept down her swollen cheek.