Jack slipped an arm around her shoulders and eased her against him, pressing a kiss to the top of her head. It was all he needed to do. Laurel splayed her hand against his warm bare chest, above the pristine white bandage that bound his ribs, and simply cherished the way his heartbeat felt beneath her hand.
"I would have been there for you if I could have."
She looked up at him, her face carefully blank as she tried to assess the shift of feelings in him and between them. "You don't do funerals."
"Yeah, well…" He sighed, fixing his gaze on the roses that climbed the brick wall beside them. "That doesn't stop me from losin' friends, does it? It only stops me from being one."
"Is that what we are?" Laurel asked quietly. "Friends?"
"You saved my life."
"And you saved mine," she returned, rising to pace in front of the bench with her arms crossed tight against her. "What does that make us? Even?"
"What do you want it to make us?" Jack asked, hearing the edge in his voice and cursing himself for it. He hadn't come here to fight with her. He had come for-what? And why? Because he couldn't stay away? Because he thought he had to end what had taken root and twined around his heart like the ivy that curled around the foot of the bench? You can't have it both ways, Jack.
"I want more," Laurel admitted. If that made her a fool, then she was a fool. If it made her weak, then she was weak. It was the truth. Too much of her life had been tied up in lies. She stopped her pacing and looked him in the eye, as sober as a judge. "I love you, Jack. I keep telling myself I shouldn't, but I do."
"You're right, angel." Gritting his teeth against the pain, he rose slowly. "You shouldn't," he murmured and moved toward the gate, avoiding looking at her. If he looked at her, he would never be able to walk away.
"Not because you don't deserve it, Jack," Laurel said, catching hold of his arm. "Because it would be easier not to. But I had an easy relationship once, and it might have been safe, but it wasn't fair to either of us.
"I can't take the easy way out, Jack," she murmured, already trembling inside in anticipation of his answer. "Will you?"
"Sure," he said, his voice little more than rough smoke, his eyes trained on some indistinguishable point in the middle distance. "Haven't you figured it out by now, sugar? I'm a coward and a cad-"
"You're neither," Laurel said strongly. "If you were a coward, they would have buried me beside my sister today. If you were a cad, you wouldn't be trying so damn hard to do the noble thing and walk away from this."
Tears rose effortlessly in her eyes, riding on the crest of her emotions. She tightened her grip on the solid muscle of his biceps, her small fingers barely making a dent. "In a lot of ways you're as good a man as I've ever known, Jack Boudreaux," she said hoarsely. "I'd like a chance to make you believe that."
And he wanted to believe it. God in heaven, how he wanted to believe it. The need was an ache within him he had spent a lifetime trying to bury. The need to be worth something, the need to be important to somebody.
He closed his eyes against it now, terrified the need would swallow him whole, terrified this moment was just a dream, a cruel joke, as every small hope of his childhood had been a cruel joke. It didn't make sense that she should love him. It didn't follow the plot line of his life that he should have this chance at happiness. There had to be a catch. The other shoe would drop on his head any minute now.
He just stood there, waiting, staring past her. His chin was quivering as he pressed his lips into a thin line. He blinked to clear his vision.
"Haven't you paid enough, Jack?" Laurel whispered. "Haven't we both?"
"I dunno." He tried to shrug, winced at the pain. "You want a husband? You want babies?"
More than anything, she thought. The idea of giving him a second chance at those dreams, the idea of giving him a child, of the two of them creating a brand-new life that would begin with no mistakes and no regrets was a wish she had scarcely let herself imagine.
"I want a future," she said simply, the wish too precious, too fragile to voice. "I want to go beyond the past. I want you to go with me."
A life beyond the past. A life he had told himself he could have only in his dreams. He stepped back from her, slicking a hand back through his hair to rub the back of his neck.
Laurel watched him, holding her breath while her heart raced.
Jack turned and faced her, seeing all her hope, her fear, her pure, sweet beauty.
"I told myself if I had a drop of honor in me, I'd walk away from you," he said softly. His lips twisted at the corners into a crooked, ironic smile. "Lucky me, I never had much to start with."
Laurel went into his arms, her heart overflowing. She pressed her cheek against his chest. "You've got more than you know," she whispered.
"I've got all I need if I've got you," he said, and he lowered his mouth to hers for a kiss that was both bonding and beginning, promise and fulfillment… and love.
Epilogue
The pirogue slices through the bayou, as silent as a blade. The sun melts down in the west, as rich and warm as molten gold. All around, the swamp is dim and hushed. Waiting, peaceful. The frogs sing among the lilies. An egret glides down to join its mate in their nest of sticks on the trunk of a fallen cypress.
I look down at the woman in the boat. She smiles as if I own the moon. The courage of a tiger. The gentleness of a dove. My wife. I was nothing without her.
I pole the boat forward, toward home, and know contentment for the first time in my life.
Alfred, Lord Tennyson
The Lotus-Eaters
Glossary of Cajun French Words and Phrases Used in This Book
allée – avenue, path
allons danser – let's dance
allons jouer la music, pas les femmes – let's go play music, not women
arrête sa – stop it
baire – mosquito netting
bâteau – boat
beau-père – stepfather
bébé – baby
bon à rien, tu, 'tit souris – good for nothing, you, little mouse
bon Dieu – good God
bon Dieu avoir pitié – good God have mercy
bonjour – good day
c'est assez – that is enough
c'est la vie – that is life
c'est vrai – that is true
c'est la guerre – that is war
catin – doll
cher/chère/chérie – term of endearment
coonass – slang term for Cajun, often derogatory
dépêche-toi – hurry up
espèces de tête dure – you hardheaded thing
etalon – stud, stallion
grand rond – literally "big circle," traditionally called at the start of a fight
grand-mère – grandmother
gris-gris – spell, charm (as with voodoo)
joie de vie – joy of life
jolie fille – pretty lady
laissez le bon temps rouler – let the good times roll
Le Mascarade – The Masquerade
ma belle – my beautiful
ma douce amie – my sweet love
ma bon pichouette – my good little girl
mais oui/mais yeah – but yes
mais sa c'est fou – that's crazy
ma jolie fille – my pretty girl
"Ma Petite Fille Est Gone" – My Little Girl Is Gone
merci/merci boucoup – thanks/many thanks
mon ami – my friend
mon coeur – my heart
oui – yes
pas de bétises – no joking
pas du tout – not at all
petite fleur – little flower
pirogue – canoelike craft
restaurant et salle de danse – restaurant and dance hall
roux – flour browned in fat, used for thickening gravy etc.
s'il vous plait – please
sa c'est de la couyonade – that is foolishness
sa me fait de le pain – I'm sorry
sa c'est honteu – that's a shame
son pine – his penis
techeue poule – chicken ass
'tit boule – little balls
'tite ange – little angel
'tite chatte – little cat
traiteur – folk healer
tu menti – you lie
une belle femme – the pretty woman
va-te'n – go away
"Valse de Grand Mèche" – The Big Marsh Waltz
viens ici – come here
