Uncle Huaiji never did understand why, after steadily working his way through all those delicious jiaozi, he was politely shown the door, and then abandoned by his girlfriend.
For a long time after that, Uncle Huaiji went around in a daze, until one day his colleague at work, Yuman, told him bluntly that she had fallen in love with him. Yuman had a pretty name, but an extremely masculine appearance. When she was taken to meet the family, Aunt Hui cold-shouldered her. But regardless of her opposition, the couple eventually married. Worse was to follow: they immediately had a baby, and another, and another, until there were four children! Yuman became the butt of Aunt Hui’s jokes for ever after.
That made Aunt Hui a comrade-in-arms of Tianyi’s mother, Siqin, who only had to see Hui imitating Yuman flapping her fan around and fidgeting on her feet or in her chair, to burst out laughing. Tianyi heard her mother’s ringing laugh and her words: ‘You’ve got her to a tee! I can’t take her off half as well!’ But, child though she was, Tianyi also sensed that if her mother was not there, her aunt’s sarcasm might well find a new target for her jokes instead, and it might just be Siqin. Aunt Hui mimicked her mother’s affected complaints: ‘Oh dear me, how my stomach aches, how my liver hurts …’
But when Tianyi’s grandfather arrived, the butt of her aunt’s sarcasm changed again. It was now an old man, her father-in-law. ‘Such a feudal old stick,’ she said. ‘He comes rushing over here because now he’s got a grandson.’ She threw Tianyi a wry glance: ‘It doesn’t matter how clever you are, or how hard you study, you’re just a girl! Your grandfather’s such a feudal old stick. He’s certainly not come to see you!’
She was right, too. But the trip to Beijing to see his grandson was a disappointment to the old man. Tianke, was stubborn as a mule. Apart from stuffing his face and going out to play around in the streets, and mastering the most basic maths with the greatest difficulty, he never learned anything more. Not that many of his schoolmates bothered to study. As soon as classes were over, the kids ran off to their games. Especially at the height of summer when people came out of their houses to enjoy the cool evening air, it was common to see crowds of boys gathering in the lamplight, arms folded across their chests, laughing and telling jokes. Tianke was a past master at telling tall stories. And of all the kids in their courtyard, there was no one who could beat him at killing birds with a sling-shot! Years later, when Tianke had been fired for the nth time from his job, the only thing he could boast about were those long-unused childhood skills. He would stand there, paunchy, middle-aged, with grizzled hair, and tell his stories: ‘There was one time when my Dad used to be able to shoot a dozen birds in a day! And all you can do nowadays is play on your Gameboys! Once I saw a really fine bird…!’ Every time he got to that point, his wife, Xiaolan, would pull a face. She already had a lover and was demanding a divorce, but Tianke would rather be cuckolded than divorced. How on earth would he look after himself if he divorced Xiaolan, let alone his son and his elderly mother?
Tianyi’s grandfather racked his brains for a way to win the boy’s affections and decided to take him to a film. The weekly showing was Tunnel Warfare, and Tianke had been desperate to go and see it. But as soon as he heard his grandfather wanted to go, he changed his mind. He had so much homework, had to stay at home to do it, and so on and so forth. Tears trickled down his grandfather’s face and he set about buying a bus ticket home. Tianyi’s father was upset at his distress, but he could not control his son. The only thing he could do was sigh heavily and twist his good-hearted eldest daughter Tianyue’s arm. At his instigation, she offered to take her grandfather out for a stroll but the old man shook his head so vigorously, his snowy white hair and beard shook too. To Tianyi, he looked more like a hoary old wizard from a fairy story than a real person. In any case, he sat there in a wobbly old rattan chair, stubbornly refusing to go out with his eldest granddaughter. In those days, they had no TV, only a dilapidated old radio. Her grandfather told Tianyi to turn it on. It was a Story Time programme, Tianyi’s favourite.
The old man soon looked bored and got out some maths problems he had brought from the school in his home town, for Tianyi to do. It was a bit of a stop-start process at first, but once they had done a few sums, the old man’s eyes began to shine. When Tianyi’s father came into the room, his face was wreathed in smiles: ‘Ai-ya! What a little treasure you’ve got here! She got the right answer to sums that even our senior middle school students can’t do! It’s amazing, really amazing! You were never that bright when you were a child!’ Tianyi’s father was a considerate son and when he saw his father’s joy, a great weight fell from his shoulders. Even better, the child being praised was his favourite daughter. He beamed along with his father, a white-teethed smile of rare genuine happiness.
Siqin immediately jumped in. ‘What are you smiling about? Come on then, tell us so we can share the joke!’ When Tianyi’s father told her, she looked disdainful. Ignoring her father-in-law, she said pointedly to her husband: ‘So he’s heaping praise on that daughter you always make such a fuss of, is he? Well, “like father, like son”, why should I expect any different? The old man’s just saying what you’ve always felt!’ And she stalked off. In fury, Tianyi’s father shouted after her: ‘Isn’t she your daughter too?’ His wife turned around and retorted: ‘And Tianke’s not your son? Why do you give him such a hard time? If Tianke ever manages to please his granddad, you make a point of turning the old man against him! He’s not the brightest kid, he takes after me in that, but that’s no reason to dislike him so much!’ Under normal circumstances, her father would have backed down but today his own father was with him and he could not allow her to browbeat him. He parried, and the arguments went back and forth until finally Tianyi’s grandfather intervened with his daughter-in-law:
‘Now listen, Siqin, you’re in the wrong here. Your son and your daughters, they’re all yours and you should treat them fairly. While I’ve been staying with you, I’ve been watching you. My son goes to work and when he gets back, he has to rush around cooking dinner. That’s not good at all. You should take a leaf out of your sister-in-law’s book.’
Tianyi’s mother never forgot the old man’s words, and never let anyone else forget them either. ‘Take a leaf out of my sister-in-law’s book? That’s a joke! The old fool has no idea the kind of things Hui says about him behind his back! My trouble is I’m just too kind-hearted. I should have told him straight up. He would have been furious! It was time he knew who should take a leaf out of whose book!’
Tianyi’s mother was a very odd person. She gave the impression of being timid and naïve, but when she got fired up, she was anyone’s match. She was a wily strategist and tactician, playing weak, but adept at stealthily muddying the waters and turning the proposition on its head. Tianyi’s father was an intelligent man but, when her parents quarrelled, he never failed to fall into her traps and ended up bamboozled and defeated.