Their relationship caused storms at home. The intensity of their mother’s reaction was frightening. For the first time, battle lines were drawn between mother and son. Tianke began to suffer what Tianye had had to put up with in the past, the only difference being that his mother was objecting because she loved him. His mother’s hysteria wound him up, the tensions threatened to boil over. Tianke flew off the handle for the most trivial of reasons and, once, even demanded his wedding present to Tianyi back. It was only a cheap diamante necklace, but worse than the fact that he insisted on her giving it back, what really hurt Tianyi was that he passed it straight on to Xiaolan.
Tianyi bottled up her feelings until finally she had had enough. ‘Tianke,’ she burst out, ‘Why can’t you behave like a decent human being? If you can’t get something like that right, then don’t even bother!’ Back in those days, she was a feisty young woman. When driven to it, she went for the jugular. Tianke flew into a terrible rage and kicked her violently in the stomach. She was four months’ pregnant. That kick was the last straw for Tianyi and Lian. They had to move out.
Many years later, Tianyi recalled that time of her life and thought that her child really must have been some sort of divine gift. Otherwise, how could he have survived the trials and tribulations of her pregnancy and been born such a strong, healthy little boy?
For the time being, Lian’s work allowed Tianyi and Lian to have a room in the old Daoist Temple on South Lishi Road. It was shabby and dingy, and they shared the kitchen and the toilet with another couple. The man, a Mr Sheng, did everything in the home. At the start, Tianyi and Lian had no coal stove so they borrowed the Shengs’, with Tianyi usually cooking first and then old Mr Sheng. Tianyi was perfectly happy with the arrangement: now heavily-pregnant, she waddled out to do the shopping, then returned to cook. The two families got on well, even emptying each other’s rubbish. Lian was moved to comment on how frugal the Shengs were. They hardly had anything to throw away, even a water melon was eaten right down to the rind. Tianyi, aware that old Sheng only ever cooked one dish for dinner, nodded in agreement. Mrs Sheng largely stayed indoors. She had suffered a mental breakdown and had a volatile temper. Just once, Tianyi saw her outside by the stove using the curling tongs. The smell of singeing hair filled the passageway.
One day, Lian’s parents came over. It was very hot and Lian’s mother wore a short-sleeved blouse and fanned herself vigorously. Tianyi happily showed the old folks her collection of little ornaments displayed in a cupboard, but her mother-in-law ignored them. Instead she asked, eyeing Tianyi’s belly: ‘Have you had a scan?’ When Tianyi shook her head, the older woman looked annoyed. Tianyi cooked four dishes for them and brought the food to the table. Mr Wang took one mouthful and said with a smile: ‘Our Lian’s a lucky man!’ His wife glared at him and asked: ‘How come he’s not back for lunch?’ ‘He has his lunch in the canteen most days now,’ Tianyi explained. He doesn’t want me to tire myself out with the cooking.’ ‘Aren’t you a lucky girl,’ was the acid response, ‘Dad was never so lovey-dovey when I was pregnant.’ Old Mr Wang hurriedly changed the subject: ‘Mum’s worried none of your clothes are big enough for you. She wanted to buy you something new but wasn’t sure what you’d like. Why don’t we go down the market after we’ve eaten, and have a look around?’ Tianyi was overcome with gratitude, and said so. She felt as if the new clothes were already in her hands. But when they got to the market, her mother-in-law looked at the goods disdainfully and they left without buying anything.
Tianyi didn’t care, though. She had fallen in love with her new life, and with their comfortable little room. She was filled with good will towards all and sundry. At last she had her own home! At last! Every day, as soon as Lian had left, it became her domain. It might be too small to swing a cat, and dreadfully shabby, but it had made her independent. She looked around at the flimsy furniture and cramped space — she had waited thirty years for this!
In the evenings, Tianyi got on her bike, with her big belly sticking out in front, and pedalled to the Film Institute to watch a French film retrospective. There were forty films showing and Tianyi watched one after another, right up until she was due. Of course, the dubbing was not totally perfect, but she was happy. Although it was the mid-eighties, nude scenes in films were still a big draw. It was odd how people seemed to know in advance about these nuggets of nudity. Every time there was a risqué film on, crowds of people queued up and Tianyi was forever being asked: ‘Got any spare tickets?’
Tianyi had loved films since she was a little girl. From the first notes of the film score, she had a strange sense of excitement. She found herself crying and laughing along with characters in the film, even though in real life she hardly ever got emotional. Her friends used to tell her she lived inside art and literature.
Every day, when the film finished, Lian waited for her outside the cinema with his bicycle. Even though her husband was a short man, and ordinary in every way, Tianyi was supremely content with life.
Things had not changed for the Shang sisters, however. When they dropped by to see Tianyi, the conversation was still about boyfriends. Tianyi assumed the air of someone who had been through all that. The maxims tripped off her tongue. ‘Don’t get so serious about marriage, it’s just a threshold. Grit your teeth and step over it!’ she advised them. Or, ‘If you can’t find someone to love, at least find someone who loves you.’ Or, ‘Whatever you do, don’t confuse love and marriage, or you’ll never find someone to marry.’ Or, ‘What a marriage needs isn’t love, it’s affection’ … and so on and so forth. Di and Xian, soaked it all up, nodding as if their heads were pestles pounding garlic in a mortar. They were hardly in a position to quibble, after all.
One evening, Di turned up at Tianyi’s apartment. Lian, an enthusiastic host, fried up all five small fresh fish he had brought home for their dinner. Di was a hearty eater and watching her tuck in gave Tianyi an appetite too. Before Lian had had time to dig his chopsticks into the dish, the two women had cleaned the plate between them. Tianyi felt a little unwell after dinner but went out as usual to stretch her legs before getting ready for bed. Then, in the middle of the night, she was woken by stabbing pains in the gallbladder. She endured them for a while until finally she was rolling around the bed in agony. Lian, in a panic, called for a taxi to take them to the nearest hospital, where she was diagnosed with acute cholecystitis. Obviously pain killers were not an option as they might harm the foetus. Tianyi had never been in such agony in her whole life. For the first time it dawned on her that motherhood meant sacrifice. How difficult it was to be a mother, at least a good one, not like her own mother.
Tianyi, although outwardly easy-going, was in truth deeply self-absorbed. Growing up unloved had given her a giant chip on her shoulder and she was always trying to make it up to herself. She joked that she always put herself before anyone else. She had not asked to get pregnant but now she was, and there was nothing to be done except grit her teeth. Her husband, and even the doctor, could only give her moral support, which did not ease the pain at all. Tianyi suddenly thought that you might go to heaven with a companion, but the road to hell you had to tread alone.