She had lunch with Maddy; and heard the latest in the Amy-'Stasi feud. Which made her mad. "I could kill Stef Dietrich," Maddy said.
"Don't bother," Ari said. "I'll bet Yvgenia's already thought of that."
Mostly she thought about the colony-problem, around the edges of the Amy-'Stasi thing. And thought: Damn, the minute anything goes CIT, everybody's crazy, aren't they?
The office was shut when she got back. She waited at the door and waited, and finally Justin showed up, out of breath.
"Sorry," he said, and unlocked. (Although she could have had Base One do it, through Security 10, but that was overkill, and made Security records, and meant papers. So she didn't.)
"Grant's got some stuff over at Sociology," he said. "He's running a paper for me. I do get work done outside of this"
He was in a good mood. It cheered her up. She took the cup of coffee he made for her and sat down and they started at it again. "Let's assume," he said, "that whether or not kinships are instinctual, your socialized azi are likely to replicate the parent culture."
"Makes sense," she said.
"Likely quite thoroughly. Because they'll place abstract value on it, as the source of the orders."
She had never noticed the way he bit at his lip when he was thinking. It was a boyish kind of thing, when mostly he looked so mature. And he smelled good. A lot like Ollie. A lot like Ollie.
And she couldn't help thinking about it.
He and Grant were lovers. She knew that from gossip in the House. She couldn't imagine it.
Except at night, when she was lying in the dark looking at the ceiling and wondering what made them that way and whether
whether he had any feelings about her, and whether it was all just worry about Security that made him want Grant there all the time. Like he needed protection.
She liked being close to him. She always had.
She knew what was the matter finally. She felt the flux strong enough to turn everything upside down, and felt a lump in her throat and outright missed his next question.
"II'm sorry."
"The second-generation run. You're assuming matrilineal."
She nodded. He made a note. Tapped the paper. She got up to see, leaning by the arm of his chair. "You should have had an instructional tape in the lot to cover family units. Do you want to input one?"
"I"
He looked over his shoulder at her. "Ari?"
"I'm sorry. I just lost things a minute."
He frowned. "Something wrong?"
"Ia couple of friends of mine are having a fight. That's all. I guess I'm a little gone-out." She looked at the printout. And felt sweat on her temples. "Justin, did you everdid you ever have trouble with being smart?"
"I guess I did." A frown came between his brows and he turned the chair and leaned his arm on the desk, looking up at her. "I didn't think of it like that, but I guess that was one of the reasons."
"Did you" O God, this was scary. It could go wrong. But she was in it now. She leaned up against the chair, against him. "Did you ever have trouble with being older than everybody?" She took a breath and slid her hand onto his shoulder and sat down on the chair arm.
But he got up, fast, so fast she had to stand up to save herself from falling.
"I think you'd better talk this over with your uncle," he said.
Nervous. Real nervous. Probably, she thought, uncle Denys had said something to him. That made her mad. "Denys doesn't have a thing to say about what I do," she said, and came up against him and held on to his arm. "Justin, there's nobody my own age I'm interested in. There isn't anybody. It doesn't hurt, I mean, I sleep-over with anybody I want. All the time."
"That's fine." He disengaged his arm and turned and picked up some papers off his desk. His hands were shaking. "Go back to them. I engaged to teach you, notwhatever."
She had trouble getting her breath. That was a hell of a reaction. It was scary, that a man reacted that way to her. He just gathered up his stuff, went to the door.
As the door opened and Grant stood there taking in what he saw, with small moves of his eyes.
"I'm going home," Justin said. "Closing up early today. How did the run go?"
"Fine," Grant said, and came in and laid it down, ignoring her presence, ignoring everything that had gone on.
"The hell," Ari said, and to Justin: "I want to talk to you."
"Not today."
"What are you doing? Throwing me out?"
"I'm not throwing you out. I'm going home. Let's give us both a little chance to cool off, all right? I'll see you in the morning."
Her face was burning. She was shaking. "I don't know what my uncle told you, but I can find something to tell him, you just walk out on me. Get out of here, Grant! Justin and I are talking!"
Grant went to the door, grabbed Justin's arm and shoved him out. "Get out of here," Grant said to him. And when Justin protested: "Out!" Grant said to him. "Go home. Now."
They had the door blocked. She was scared of a suddenmore scared when Grant argued Justin out the door and closed her in the office.
In a moment Grant came back. Alone. And closed the door again.
"I can call Security," she said. "You lay a hand on me and I'll swear Justin did it. You watch me!"
"No," Grant said, and held up a hand. "No, young sera. I'm not threatening you. Certainly I won't. I ask you, please, tell me what happened."
"I thought he told you everything."
"What did happen?"
She drew a shaken breath and leaned back against the chair. "I said I was bored with boys. I said I wanted to see if a man was any different. Maybe he hit me. Maybe he grabbed me. Who knows? Tell him go to hell."
"Did he do those things?"
"He's screwed everything up. I need him to teach me, and all I did was ask him to go to bed with me, I don't think that was an insult!" Damn, she hurt inside. Her eyes blurred. "You tell him he'd better teach me. You tell him he'd better. I need him, damn him."
Grant went azi then, and she remembered he was azi, which it was easy to forget with him; and she was in the wrong, yelling at him and not at Justin; she had a license that said responsibility, and she wanted to hit him.
"Young sera," he said, "I'll tell him. Please don't take offense. I'm sure there won't be any problem."
" 'There won't be any problem.' Hell!" She thought of working with him, day after day, and shook her head and lost her composure. "Dammit!" As the tears flooded her eyes. She pushed away from the chair and went for the door, but Grant stopped her, blocking her path. "Get out of my way!"
"Young sera," Grant said. "Please. Don't go to Security."
"I never asked for this. All I asked was a polite question!"
" I'll do whatever you want, young sera. Any time you want. I have no objection. Here, if you want. Or at your apartment. All you have to do is ask me."
Grant was tall, very tall. Very quiet and very gentle, as he reached out and took her hand. And there was very little space between her and the desk. She backed into it, her heart going like a hammer.
"Is that what you want, young sera?"
"No," she said, finding a breath.
And did, dammit, but he was too adult, too strange, too cold.
"Sera is not a child. Sera has power enough to have whatever she wants, by whatever means. Sera had better learn to control what she wants before she gets more than she bargained for. Dammit, you've cost him his father, his freedom, and his work. What else will you take?"