Hank steered the BMW down the street, the car's windshield wipers beating against the rainstorm. "You're upset, huh?”
“It's been a long night."
"Can I know what happened?"
"Would you mind if we talked about it at home?" Nat felt too drained to go over it again. Now that the adrenalin had left her body, she was exhausted.
"Sure, no sweat." Hank steered the car around a corner, and water from the gutter sprayed to the middle of the car doors.
"Sorry we didn't stay over. I had to get out of there."
"I could tell. So could they."
"What's that supposed to mean?" Nat looked over, but Hank kept his eyes on the road. They stopped at a traffic light, and the brake lights of the car in front of them outlined his features in red.
"You kind of blew them off, didn't you?"
"It's late, Hank."
"I understand, but you should rethink your dad's offer about the lawyer. You're cutting off your nose to spite your face. He's just trying to help, Nat, and he'll pick up the tab."
"I make money, Hank."
"Not that kind of money."
A good point, but still. "It wouldn't end there. If I take his money, he gets involved in picking the lawyer, and if I persuade him to let me choose my own, he'll second-guess him to death. I'm on my own. Is that so hard to understand?"
"In these circumstances, yes. If the cops are talking about charging you with murder, you need the best lawyer you can get." Hank's voice echoed harshly in the car, and Nat could see a full-fledged car fight coming on, which was always the worst.
"What about the circumstances in which you tell my parents we had a fight?"
"So what?"
"That's our business." Nat didn't raise her voice. It wasn't her style. "It's between us."
"What's the difference? It wasn't a secret."
"It's personal, and you told him about Angus, too. He asked me if I was cheating on you, which is completely inappropriate."
Hank looked over, and so did Nat, unfortunately at the same moment. In car fights, nobody's eyes were supposed to meet, and even in the darkness she could see the question his eyes were asking.
"I haven't cheated on you, and I wouldn't." Natalie, listen. "Another man isn't our problem, we are. We have an issue with where we end and the Grecos begin. And in my life, I can make my own decisions."
"You're doin' a helluva job so far."
Ouch. "Thanks."
"I'm trying to get through to you." Hank braked again as the car slowed in front of them. They both looked into the distance, saying nothing. The only sound was the beating of the windshield wipers. It went on that way for almost forty minutes, and Nat felt finally as if she were about to burst, with what she didn't know.
"Hank, this isn't going to work."
"What isn't?"
"Us. Anymore."
"What?" Hank almost twisted around in the seat, a hand on the wheel.
"I'm sorry."
"What? Why? We're doing fine. I said I was sorry."
"We need to take a break. I need some time to think. I need to process what's going on." Nat stole a glance. Hank went back to staring straight ahead, straight-arming the wheel.
"You're just upset," he said. "It's a lot for one night. Too much.”
“That's not the problem. It's underlying everything, you and my family It's like I'm in some sort of net and I can't get free."
"I'm a net now?"
"I need to think. I need to concentrate on myself and the situation I'm in."
"You want space." Hank's voice turned sarcastic, but it was as good a way of putting it as any.
"Just give me some time."
"I thought you wanted space. Which is it, space or time?"
"Both."
"Fine, you got it, baby." Hank shifted in the driver's seat, facing forward. "How long?"
"I don't know." Nat made herself stay the course, as much as it hurt him. If she took it back, they'd go home, agree that they'd fought only because they were tired, and go to bed. She straightened up.
Hank drove ahead in silence, the rain pounding on the car's roof. After a while, he asked, "It's him, isn't it?"
"No," Nat answered, though in truth, she couldn't be completely sure. She flushed red and looked out the window, seeing nothing.
"So who gets custody of your parents?" Hank asked, after a time.
"You do," Nat answered, and they both faked a laugh. Two blocks from her building they could see a throng of reporters on the sidewalk out front, sheltered from the rain by a blue tarp. Nat said, "Oh boy."
"I don't suppose you want to stay at my place. Not enough time or space, huh?"
Awkward. "Please don't make this harder than it already is."
"Fine." Hank exhaled loudly, and they stopped at the light. "Then I suggest you go to a hotel."
"I'm not hiding. I have nothing to be ashamed of. Drop me off in front, please."
"Is that smart?"
"No, but it's right."
"You're a trip, you know that?" Hank chuckled sadly, and Nat felt tears come, but held them back. He stopped the car a short distance from her building, where he leaned over and gave her a dry kiss on the cheek.
"So this is it?" he asked softly.
"For now. I'm sorry." Nat opened the door, got out of the car, and hurried to her building in the rain. She flipped up the hood of her coat, and the press didn't recognize her until she was almost inside the building. They surged forward when they did, turning on klieg-lights and dogging her to the door with videocameras and microphones.
"Ms. Greco!" they shouted. "What happened tonight in Chester County? Why did the trooper stop you?”
“Were you drinking? Did you take a Breathalyzer?”
“Any comment?"
Nat hit the revolving door at speed, and it dumped her dripping into the lobby, startling the aging security guard, Bill Sasso. "Hey, Bill."
He rose slowly, eying Nat. "Professor Greco, I didn't expect you tonight. I thought the reporters would put you off. They been out there for two hours."
"Sorry about that."
"I told em you didn't kill nobody. You give me all those books, for my granddaughter."
"Thanks." Nat felt her throat catch. She went over to the marble security desk and leaned on the top. The TV was on mute, next to a half-complete Daily News crossword. "The cops kept my car and keys. I can't get into my apartment."
"I got ya covered, professor. I'll take you up." Bill set down his pencil, retrieved a jangling key ring from the drawer, and shuffled to the elevator with her. They rode up in companionable silence, and Bill walked her to her door and unlocked it. "Sleep tight."
"Thanks."
No problem. Stop by the desk tomorrow. I'll get ya a new key.”
“Thanks again." Nat opened the door to her apartment and switched on the lamp in the living room. The door closed behind her with a definite thunk.
For a minute, she stood in front of the door and eyed the apartment.
Book-lined, silent, and still. It smelled of chardonnay and forced air. It was home. She felt herself exhale, for the first time. So much had happened in one night. She thought of Barb, then the trooper, then the scene at the station. Jelly. Now she was home, but her world had changed. She was a murder suspect. She needed a lawyer and a plan. She'd have to defend herself at school. She was on her own, with out Hank. She felt completely at a loss, loosed from her moorings. Untethered. This was the freedom she'd wanted, so why did it feel so empty? She thought about calling Angus, but that was the wrong answer. She needed to think. To regroup. To figure out what had happened and what would happen next.
She crossed to the couch and sank into her favorite spot, like a soft beige nest. Her whole body finally relaxed, and in the next minute she felt tears come to her eyes and heard herself hiccup a sob. This time she let it come, because there were no reporters or brothers, and she couldn't hold it back even if she tried. She didn't know who she was crying for, whether it was Barb, Trooper Shorney, or Jelly.
Or even, ashamedly, herself.
Chapter 29