…Abimagique Abi Abi Abimagique…
that time in the lab when you made love by the light of the Bunsen burners, she wandered about afterward in the dark, materializing as she passed by the flames like a voluptuous spook
…Abimagique Abi Abi Abimagique Abi…
you’re not sure you want to fly to Cleveland, because what if it’s a trap, what if it’s all the Bottom now, what if God now owns everything except this one scrap of protoplasm, you, and the rest has been swallowed up and spat out and reconstituted as evil
…Abimagique Abi Abi…
you don’t know anything, you have never known anything, and the chances are you never will, because here you are running off to meet this Stevie Nicks sound-alike who promises she’ll explain everything later, who likely wears gypsy skirts and plays a mean tambourine, stands four feet eleven and fucks like a champ, a woman to whom you’ll be no more than a dick, a launching pad
…Abimagique Abi Abi…
fuck it, you’ve had it with all the mystic claptrap, all the you-cannot-hope-to-understand-it-until-you-experience-it bullshit
…Abimagique Abi Abi Abimagique Abi Abi…
you’re glad the bus is close to the exit that leads onto Airport Drive, it runs for miles past hotels shitty burger joints topless bars and if you decide you don’t want to know how it ends, you can tell the driver to let you out anywhere
…Abimagique Abi Abi Abimagique Abi…
but who’re you kidding, you’re hooked through the gills, you’ll fly to Oberlin, you’ll have Mauve or, should you say, she’ll once have you, because that’s the only way you’ll find out what happened and is happening, and even if what you find out is bad, painful, the end, well, at least you’ll understand the reason why you went through all you did with
…Abi Abimagique Abi Abi…
you do know one thing, though it’s certainly nothing cosmic—she’s already unraveling in your memory, and part of the pain you feel comes from trying to hang on to her reality, and you’ll keep trying to hang on until the pain is all you have left of her
…Abimagique Abi…
there should be permanent memorials in the mind, shrines with candles, enormous tombs stuffed with tastes and sights, cenotaphs and gigantic statuary, and not just these gauzy tatters of memory
…Abi Abimagique…
and what does this say about you, about us, about the way we are as friends, children, lovers, about God and the Bottom and human nature, that when people die, all that seems to happen is they fall out of the dream we’re having about the world
…Abi Abi Abimagique…
THE LEPIDOPTERIST
I found this in a box of microcassettes recorded almost thirty years ago; on it I had written, “J. A. McCrae—the bar at Sandy Bay, Roatan.” All I recall of the night was the wind off the water tearing the thatch, the generator thudding, people walking the moonless beach, their flashlights sawing the dark, and a wicked-looking barman with stiletto sideburns. McCrae himself was short, in his sixties, as wizened and brown as an apricot seed, and he was very drunk, his voice veering between a feeble whisper and a dramatic growclass="underline"
I’m goin to tell you bout a storm, cause it please me to do so. You cotch me in the tellin mood, and when John Anderson McCrae get in the tellin mood, ain’t nobody on this little island better suited for the job. I been foolin with storms one way or the other since time first came to town, and this storm I goin to speak of, it ain’t the biggest, it don’t have the stiffest winds, but it bring a strange cargo to our shores.
Fetch me another Salvavida, Clifton…if the gentleman’s willing. Thank you, sir. Thank you.
Now Mitch and Fifi were the worst of the hurricanes round these parts. And the worst of them come after the wind and rain. Ain’t that right, Clifton? Ain’t that always the case? Worst t’ing bout any storm is what come along afterwards. Mitch flattened this poor island. Must have kill four, five hundred people, and the most of them die in the weeks followin. Coxxen Hole come t’rough all right, but there weren’t scarcely a tree standing on this side. And Fifi…after Fifi there’s people livin in nests, a few boards piled around them to keep out the crabs and a scrap of tin over they head. Millions of dollars in relief is just settin over in Teguz. Warehouses full. But don’t none of it get to the island. Word have it this fella work for Walmart bought it off the military for ten cent on the dollar. I don’t know what for sure he do with it, but I spect there be some Yankees payin for the same blankets and T-shirts and bottled water that they government givin away for free. I ain’t blamin nothin on America, now. God Bless America! That’s what I say. God Bless America! They gots the good intention to be sending aid in the first place. But the way t’ings look to some, these storms ain’t nothin but an excuse to slip the generals a nice paycheck.
The mon don’t want to hear bout your business, Clifton! Slide me down that bottle. I needs somet’ing to wash down with this beer. That’s right, he payin! Don’t you t’ink the mon can afford it? Well, then. Slide me that bottle.
Many of these Yankees that go rushing in on the heels of disaster, these so-called do-gooders, they all tryin to find something cheap enough they can steal it. Land, mostly. But rarely do it bode well for them. You take this mon bought up twenty thousand acres of jungle down around Trujillo right after Mitch. He cotching animals on it. Iguana, parrots, jaguar. Snakes. Whatever he cotch, he export to Europe. My nephew Jacob work for him, and he say the mon doing real good business, but he act like he the king of creation. Yellin and cursin everybody. Jacob tell him, you keep cursin these boys, one night they get to drinkin and come see you with they machete. The mon laugh at that. He ain’t worry bout no machetes. He gots a big gun. Huh! We been havin funerals for big Yankee guns in Honduras since fore I were born.
This storm I’m talkin about, it were in the back time. 1925, ’26. Somewhere long in there. Round the time United Fruit and Standard Fruit fight the Banana War over on the mainland. And it weren’t no hurricane, it were a norther. Northers be worse than a hurricane in some ways. They can hang round a week and more, and they always starts with fog. The fog roll in like a ledge of gray smoke and sets til it almost solid. That’s how you know a big norther’s due. My daddy, he were what we call down here a wrecker. He out in the fury of the storm with he friends, and they be swingin they lanterns on the shore, trying to lure a ship onto the reef so they can grab the cargo. You don’t want to be on the water durin a norther ceptin you got somet’ing the size of the Queen Mary under you. Many’s the gun runner or tourist boat, or a turtler headin home from the Chinchorro Bank, gets heself lost in bad weather. And when they see the lantern, they makes for it in a hurry. Cause they desperate, you know. They bout to lose their lives. A light is hope to them, and they bear straight in onto the reef.
That night, the night of the storm, were the first time my daddy took me wreckin. I had no wish to be with him, but the mon fierce. He say, John, I needs you tonight and I hops to it or he lay me out cold. Times he drinkin and he feel a rage comin, he say, John, get under the table. I gets under the table quick, cause I know and he spy me when the rage upon him, nothin good can happen. So I stays low and out of he sight. I too little to stand with him. I born in the summer and never get no bigger than what you seein now.