But he did have one question. "How long did he live after he accepted that he was going to the?"
"About eight or nine months."
That's what he thought Steven had always wanted someone to "go first" - whether it was telling Daisy she had abig ugly hair bow, or jumping off a roof, or throwing rotten tomatoes at cars. Growing up, it had never botheredhim, but that was a long time ago. "Then there was time to come and talk to me before he died. He didn't haveto send you."
She laughed ruthlessly. "You've obviously never seen anyone who's gone through radical cancer treatments. Ifyou had, you wouldn't say that." One of her hands dropped to her side, and tears shimmered along the bottomsof her eyelids as she gazed up at him. "You wouldn't have recognized him, Jack." One tear slid from her lashesand ran down her cheek. He clenched his hands to keep from reaching up and wiping it with his fingertips.
"Toward the end," she continued, "he forgot how to tie his shoes, but he insisted on getting dressed every daylike it mattered. So, I lied his shoes for him... every day. Like it mattered. And it did because it gave him a littledignity, I think. Some feeling like he was still an adult. A man."
A piece of his heart fell to his stomach and his breath with it. "Stop it, Daisy."
"Jack -"
"No." He knew she would not stop until she carved him up. Just like before. He wasn't about to let that happen.
Not again. Not for anything. "I don't want to hear any more." He was sorry for Steven. Sorrier than he wouldhave thought possible two minutes ago, but he would not let her tear him to shreds.
"I didn't mean to talk about this now." She wiped the tear from her cheek. "Meet with me later so you can hearme out."
The only thing I want to hear from you, Daisy Monroe, is the word goodbye," he said, and then he walkedaway. He moved back into the dining room and told his brother and Rhonda he was leaving. For once he wasgrateful to the damn dancing bears and their loud annoying music that didn't allow for questions. He gave hisnieces some money for game tokens and left. He didn't see Daisy when he walked back out, but he wasn'tlooking for her either.
He took a deep breath and kept right on moving. He didn't think he took a full breath again until he was home.
Shut up in his house. Locked tight against the memory of Daisy and Steven and him. But the memoriesfollowed him inside, and he sat down hard on his mother's piano bench and put his hands on his knees.
He'd hated Steven for about as many years as he'd loved him like a brother. But even in his earliest rage, he'dnever wanted Steven dead. Not really. Maybe there had been a time in the beginning when the thought ofSteven wiped off the planet had held a certain appeal, but he had never wanted him to die the way Daisy haddescribed it. Not like that. Not even back when his anger had burned the hottest.
When it came right down to it, he'd never wanted him to die at all. Because in the end, he understood Steven.
He understood that he had betrayed Steven every bit as much as Steven had betrayed him.
It'd been Steven who'd told him about Daisy being stood up for that damn high school prom their senior year. Ithad been both their ideas that Jack take her since Steven already had a date. It had seemed so simple at the time.
Take Daisy so she wouldn't spend the night crying her eyes out. No big deal, but that night had changed all theirlives.
Jack didn't really remember the actual dance, other than trying to touch as little of Daisy as possible. What hedid remember, though, was standing on her front porch looking down at her, wanting her so much he ached, andtelling himself to leave. To get into his car and drive away.
Then she kissed him.
Compared to kisses he'd experienced with other girls, it was nothing really. Just her closed lips pressed to his,but it had hit him square in the chest. He'd been stunned and angry and he'd pushed her away. Then she'dtouched the side of his neck and looked up at him as if she wanted him every bit as much as he wanted her. Asmuch as he'd always wanted her.
"Please, Jack," she'd whispered, and even as he'd lowered his mouth for more, he'd told himself it was amistake. Even as he'd stood there, kissing her and tasting her mouth, he'd told himself to stop. Even as he'd kepthis grasp on her shoulders, he'd pulled her into his chest and felt the weight of her breasts against hint Even ashe told himself that it could not happen again, he'd known that it would. He'd wanted her for years, and onelittle bite had not been enough.
Not nearly.
He'd told himself to stay away, but even if he'd been able to control his eighteen-year-old lust, Daisy wouldn'tlet him. At Jimmy Calhoun's party the next night, she'd pulled him into a dark closet and put his hand on herbreast.
"Touch me, Jack," she'd whispered into his mouth, and he'd about gone off in his boxer shorts.
A few days later he'd told Steven he couldn't hang out because he was grounded. Then he'd jumped in hisCamaro, picked Daisy up at her house, and they'd driven out to a deserted road. He'd parked and told her aboutSteven, about the two of them being attracted to her, and he explained why he andDaisy had to stop.
She said she understood. She agreed, then she'd kissed his ear and told him that Steven didn't have to find out.
"I love Steven. He's my friend," she'd said. "But I don't think of him the same way I think of you. I'm in lovewith you, Jack. I want more from you. I want you to show me how to make love."
That night he'd taken off her shirt and unhooked her bra. White with tiny blue dots on it Her breasts were themost beautiful things he'd ever seen. Firm and white, her tight pink nipples fit perfectly into his mouth.
He hadn't made love to her that night No, he'd tried to do the noble thing. He'd told her he didn't mess withvirgins. He'd told himself it was okay as long as he didn't stick his hand in her panties and touch her there. He'dtold himself to go slow with her, but that resolve quickly disappeared like a kid with candy. Then he'd had totell himself it wasn't really wrong unless he took her hymen.
After two weeks of touching and kissing and rubbing against each other, he'd picked her up and driven with herto a hotel on the outskirts of Amarillo. They'd taken it all the way that night, and he'd leaned the differencebetween sex and making love. He'd learned the difference between sex where just his genitals were involved,and sex that involved his soul. He'd learned that being inside of Daisy Lee burned hint up and left his chestaching. And the whole time he'd known it was wrong. He'd known Steven loved her as much as he did, but he'dtold himself that Daisy was right It was okay as long as Steven didn't find out.
In public, he and Daisy behaved as they always had, as friends, but it hadn't been easy. Seeing but not touchinghad driven him insane. Watching her walk down the school halls or jump around in her little cheerleader skirt,had made him insanely jealous.
He hadn't been the only one driven crazy by their situation. Daisy had always wanted him just as much as he'dwanted her, and when he couldn't meet with her, which wasn't often, she'd accuse him of not loving her. Ofbeing with other girls. She'd tell him she didn't love him anymore, then the next chance they got, they'd tear ateach other's clothes and satisfy the lust that burned too hot.
Neither of them wanted to hurt Steven and they decided to wait until he left for college to be more open abouttheir relationship. Steven had been accepted to the University of Washington, and after high school graduation,he planned to live with his sister and brother-in-law until he could afford his own apartment. Both Jack andDaisy planned to take classes at West Texas A&M, about seventy miles south. They'd planned to tell Steventhat they were in love when he came home for Christmas that year.
Jack rose from the piano bench and moved into the dark kitchen. He flipped on the light and opened therefrigerator. He pushed aside a quart of milk and reached for a Lone Star instead.