He asked me out for lunch, and I suddenly felt like my private relationship with Dante was a noose around my neck. It was a bizarre feeling, but I felt like Damien had a right to know I wasn’t available. Not because Dante and I were in a friends-with-benefits relationship, but because I didn’t want him to have the false hope that something might develop between us. Not that he had any hope at all or wanted anything other than a real friendship, but I wanted to be as upfront with him as he had always been with me.
I knew he wouldn’t disregard the warning as foolishly as I had.
“How are you goin’ to get there?” Aideen had asked me when I told her about my meeting to interview a potential assistant for my graphic design business. “I know your car is at me da’s garage gettin’ a diesel pump repaired.”
“I was goin’ to walk.”
“I can drop you,” Damien offered, straightening up from playing with the kids. “Ry and I don’t need to be back to work for an hour and thirty minutes.”
I was hesitant. “I don’t want to be a bother.”
“You’re never a bother,” Damien said, his cheeks flaring with a little bit of heat. “We can get lunch or something after your interview, if you aren’t busy?”
Shite. Shite. Shite.
“I can’t.”
“Why not?” Damien asked, crossing the room, frowning.
I avoided looking in Aideen’s direction, knowing what I was about to say would set her off.
“I’m kind of seein’ someone.”
Everyone went deathly silent, even the kids; it was like they knew something was up.
“Who?” Bronagh asked first.
“Yeah,” Damien said, his voice shockingly low. “Who?”
“It doesn’t matter who—”
“It bloody well does!” Bronagh cut me off.
I looked at my friend. “I was goin’ to tell you, I promise, but I knew you’d tell Aideen, and I didn’t want a big deal made of it.”
“Why would she tell me?” Aideen quizzed with furrowed brows. “And why would a big deal be made of it?”
I groaned and put my face in my hands.
“Oh, my God!” Bronagh suddenly gasped. “It’s one of ’er brothers, isn’t it?”
“What?” Aideen asked, her eyes wide. “You’re goin’ out with one of me brothers?”
I looked up, and instead of looking at Aideen, I looked at Damien as I said, “Yes.”
Damien balled his hands into fists. “Which Collins?”
I swallowed. “Dante.”
My chest constricted with pain when I saw the hurt in Damien’s grey eyes.
“I have to go,” he said and turned to walk out of the room.
On instinct, I grabbed his arm. “Wait. Look, we need to talk.”
“No,” Damien said and removed my hand from his arm. “We don’t.”
“Please, I don’t know why I’ve brought this up, but we have to try—”
“I have tried with you.” He angrily cut me off. “I’ve tried to be patient. I’ve tried to show you how sorry I am for what I did to you. I’ve tried to befriend you. I’ve tried to give you space ... I’ve tried to show you how much I care about you, but you don’t want me. I see that now.”
“Damien—”
“No, Alannah,” he cut me off. “You’re with Dante Collins, and I’m done.”
“It’s not a relationship,” I blurted. “We aren’t datin’. He is just ... there.”
“What the hell does that mean?” Aideen angrily snapped.
I didn’t look away from Damien’s back.
“He helped me get over you—”
“By getting under him?” he snapped.
I winced. “That’s not fair, Damien. You were gone for so long, and we weren’t on good terms.”
“I left for you!” Damien shouted as he spun around to face me. “When I realised how much I hurt you, when Bronagh told me the things no one else would, I made the decision to leave to better myself but also to give you time. I didn’t know how to make things right back then, but I was always going to come back for you, Alannah. I would fix everything, but you’ve made it so hard.”
A lump formed in my throat. “I ... I didn’t know.”
Damien shook his head. “I have to go.”
He turned around and walked out of the kitchen, but I quickly followed him while everyone else stayed rooted to their spot.
“Damien, please,” I pleaded, grabbing his arm again.
I could hear the kids begin to cry, most likely from all the shouting.
“Let go, Lana,” Damien replied, his tone low.
“No,” I stated. “We need to talk.”
“What we need to do is be away from each other,” Damien replied. “Go to Dante; I’m sure he’ll be more than happy to comfort you.”
“Damien, stop. You don’t mean that.”
“Alannah. Let. Go.”
“No, I won’t.”
He turned his head in my direction and stared down at me. I could still see the hurt in his eyes, but there was anger there, too.
“Why do you want to talk all of a sudden?” Damien demanded after a few moments of tense staring. “Why not the first million times I’ve asked?”
“Because I’m ready to deal with all of this.”
“It took you long enough!”
“Don’t be nasty,” I hit back. “None of this is me fault. I’m the one who was hurt and embarrassed and have been carryin’ it around for years, not you.”
“Not me?” Damien bellowed. “I’ve carried it around since the second I did you wrong, and I fucking know it. I know what I did, and I’ve tried to make it right, but I can’t. You’ve made it impossible.”
“How?”
“By being with him!” Damien roared. “I haven’t touched anyone since I touched you. I haven’t kissed anyone since I kissed you. I haven’t looked at another woman since I was fucking eighteen, but that ends tonight. If you have moved on, then so will I.”
I felt my mouth drop open with shock at Damien’s admission, and my heart pounded against my chest, but his latter words stuck with me and held my attention.
“Fine,” I hollered, but my voice cracked ever so slightly, indicating that I was going to cry. “Go be with some bitch ’cause I won’t be ’ere when you get back. You say you’re done? Well, so am I!”
Damien humourlessly laughed. “You’ve been done with me for years, and you know it!”