“Good,” Damien said with a nod. “I don’t need anything, so we can go.”
Robotically, I said goodbye to Bronagh, hugging her tightly before I turned away from her, then along with Damien, I walked down the pathway and climbed into my car. I put my key in the ignition, buckled my seat belt, but before I put the car in gear, I looked at Damien in the passenger side of the car.
“Is this a good idea?”
He focused on me.
“Just for right now, forget everything that was said between us last week, and everything that happened today. I know mountains need to be moved for us to make things right, but tonight, let me be there for you. Please.”
It was the first time in a long time that I didn’t need to have my arm twisted to be in Damien’s company.
“Thank you,” I told him. “I’m not sure how I’m feelin’ right now, to be honest with you, but I really appreciate you wantin’ to help me.”
“I’ve got you,” he said, the promise in his words not going amiss. “You’re my freckles.”
Those three little words wrapped themselves around my hurt heart, and to my immense surprise, they made me feel a tiny bit better.
I looked forward, then back at Damien. “Can you drive?” I asked. “I’ll put us in a ditch. Me mind is elsewhere.”
We switched positions, and in a comfortable silence, he drove us to my apartment and parked my car in its designated spot. As we headed up to my home, Damien let me lead the way because he had never been in my apartment before. I knew he’d been in Kane and Aideen’s, but he’d never been on my floor, so he wasn’t sure which apartment was mine.
As we neared my apartment door, I felt his eyes on me, so I glanced over my shoulder, and to my surprise, Damien’s eyes were on my behind. He looked up at me, as if sensing my gaze on him, and instead of being embarrassed by being caught ogling, he simply grinned at me and shrugged his broad shoulders.
I quickly turned my gaze forward, feeling my cheeks burn.
When we entered my home, I flicked on the lights and went to turn the central heating on. When I entered the kitchen, Damien already had the kettle plugged in and was filling it up with water. I left him be and went into my bedroom to change into pyjamas. I had just finished changing when, out of nowhere, I burst into tears. I covered my face with my hands and sobbed. My ma’s face filled my mind, and the thought of losing her was unbearable.
It hurt.
I was so lost in worry and devastation that I didn’t even flinch when the mattress dipped next to me and arms wrapped around my body. Damien went one step farther; he pulled me on his lap and cuddled me against him. I could hear him whispering words into my ear, but I couldn’t make them out over my cries. He held me and I let it all out.
“I’m sorry,” I wept. “I don’t mean to be such a blubberin’ mess.”
“Hey,” Damien said firmly, pressing his lips against my temple. “If you need to cry, then cry. I’m not going anywhere.”
I shouldn’t have been comforted by that statement, but I was.
I wasn’t sure how long we stayed like that—me crying and Damien consoling me—but eventually, I sat upright and took a deep breath. I had to get it together. Whenever something went wrong in my life, my reaction was to cry and feel sorry for myself, but it was a chain that I had to break. I looked at Damien, and with the light of the hallway, I could only partly see his face. Without thought, I reached up, and tugged at his hair.
“When we were kids,” I murmured, “I was convinced you bleached your hair.”
When he smiled, my breath caught.
“Why?”
“Because.” I shrugged, dropping my hand. “You have the same face as Nico but a different hair colour. I figured you weren’t identical if your hair was really this light when his was so dark.”
“Do you not think we’re identical?”
I considered that then answered, “Yes and no.”
“Explain.”
“You both have the exact same face,” I began, “but when I look at you, I don’t see Nico. It sounds stupid, I know, but whenever you wore a hat in school and tried to fool other people, you could never fool me.”
“Hmm,” Damien mused. “I remember that. You’d always be so pleased that I couldn’t trick you.”
I nodded. “I’d be chuffed.”
Damien gave me a squeeze, and he leaned his forehead against mine. My heart began to pound at the contact, and my body began to tremble at the small action of intimacy.
“You were perfect to me then,” he whispered. “And you’re perfect to me now.”
I closed my eyes.
“We should go out into the sittin’ room.”
“Before we get in trouble?”
At the mention of the word trouble, I was brought back to our night together when I asked him to get into trouble with me just before we had sex. I sobered, opened my eyes, and got to my feet.
“Yeah,” I answered. “Before we get into trouble.”
Earlier today, I lost all rational thought when Damien was close to me. It resulted in a toe-curling kiss that only confused me about him even more than I already was. If I had another moment like that in a bedroom with him, trouble would definitely take place. I wasn’t stupid enough to pretend otherwise, and I wasn’t stupid enough to think I was emotionally stable to handle it.
Damien didn’t object to us leaving the room. I think he needed to clear his head too, which was why he didn’t fight for more to happen between us at that moment. I always thought he was level-headed, but for some reason, he seemed to give in to his instincts around me, just like I gave in to mine when I was with him.
I didn’t know what to make of it.
“Do you want some tea?” he asked as we neared the kitchen. “I turned the kettle on.”
I chuckled.
“What’s so funny?” he asked, and I heard the smile in his voice.
I entered the kitchen, leaned against the counter, and folded my arms across my chest as I turned to face him.
“Askin’ if me or the girls want some tea is somethin’ you and your brothers say a lot,” I mused. “I think you’ve all been corrupted.”
“Tea calms you women down,” Damien teased. “That’s the only reason we offer it so much.”
I smiled and shook my head, amused. I watched as Damien made me a cup of tea, and I was surprised when he added three sugars and just the right amount of milk without needing to be told. I wondered if he’d watched me make myself tea in Branna or Bronagh’s house before. The idea of him observing me caused a shiver to run the length of my spine.
I grabbed some biscuits and plates while Damien made himself a cup of tea too, then carried both cups into the sitting room. Once everything was sat on my coffee table, I turned on the television and busied myself with it for something to do. I was suddenly very aware that Damien was in my apartment, and I didn’t know what to think or how to feel about it. For the longest time, I had been so keen on blocking him out, but tonight, I didn’t want that.
I wanted him there.
“Alannah?”
I startled. “Yeah?”
“Talk to me,” Damien said, flattening his hands on his thick thighs. “You look like you’re going to freak out.”
“Do I?” I blinked. “I feel fine.”
He raised a brow. “Don’t lie.”
My shoulders slumped as I raised my knees to my chest and wrapped my arms around them.
“This past week, I’ve been tellin’ meself there was a reason we’ve ended up the way we have,” I began. “I have to remind meself of what happened between us; otherwise, I’ll do somethin’ stupid.”
“Something stupid ... like kissing me back when I kiss you?”
I swallowed. “Precisely.”
“Alannah.” Damien sighed as he leaned forward and rested his elbows on his knees. “I’m going to wait until you’ve had time to absorb your mom’s news, but I want you to know that what happened between us is our past, but it doesn’t have to be our future.”