Gavin noted my tone and sighed. “Don’t start, bear. I’m not in the mood.”
Apart from my parents, Gavin was the only other person who called me bear.
“No, I will start,” I said, annoyed. “How did we go from seein’ each other every day to seein’ each other maybe once or twice a week, if even?”
“I’m busy,” Gavin answered. “Ye’know that.”
“No, I don’t know that ’cause whenever I ask what you’re doin’, you don’t answer me.”
“Ye’know I can’t talk about what I do when I’m with the lads,” Gavin said sternly. “I told you, don’t ask ’cause I’m not talkin’ about it.”
I shook my head. “I think you shouldn’t hang around with people and do God knows what if it’s takin’ you away from your family and friends.”
Gavin frowned at me. “I’m not bein’ takin’ away from you, bear.”
A lump formed in my throat. “What if you’re involved in somethin’ one day, like somethin’ you can’t talk about, and it does take you away?”
His frown deepened, and when he saw my eyes well with tears, his lips parted.
“Please, please, don’t cry.”
Too late.
“I worry about you,” I said, wiping my tears before they had a chance to splash onto my cheeks. “I know you don’t trust me enough to confide in me about things—”
“You’re the first person who popped into me head when Kalin told me she was pregnant.” Gavin cut me off. “Not Aideen, not me brothers, not Bronagh. You, Alannah.”
I snivelled. “I suppose.”
“We’ve been friends a long time, and we’ll always be friends,” Gavin assured me, tugging me closer to him. “Just because I can’t talk about work doesn’t mean I don’t trust you, okay?”
I nodded. “Okay.”
“You’re me girl.” Gavin gave me a squeeze. “If I didn’t love you like a sister, I’d have tried me hand in bein’ your lad a long time ago.”
I shoved him jokingly while making a face of complete disgust.
“If I didn’t know any better,” he teased, “I’d think you were repulsed by me.”
“Only if I have to think of you sexually.”
I heaved, for good measure, and Gavin laughed. He didn’t need me to tell him how good looking he was because I was sure he knew it. I just couldn’t ever imagine him in a sexual way; I couldn’t do it with any of the Slater brothers either. Well, except one of those brothers.
“I have somethin’ to tell you.”
Gavin eyed me. “You aren’t shaggin’ Harley or JJ ... are you?”
I slapped his arm as he laughed at me.
“Be serious.”
“Okay.” He chuckled. “Proceed.”
“I’ve two things to tell you, but I’ll start with the lighter one.” I exhaled a breath. “Damien kissed me yesterday in the back room of the garage before he and Dante fought, and I kissed ’im back.”
Gavin whistled. “Did that fuck your head up more than it already was?”
“Yeah.” I sighed. “When we spoke a little last night, he said he’d wait for me to decide if I want to try bein’ with ’im, and of course, me mind thinks of everythin’ that happened between us and automatically shuts it down because I’m scared of history repeatin’ itself. But then I spoke to Bronagh, and she said Damien would go as slow as I needed.”
“You’d have to go slow,” Gavin pressed. “You don’t know each other at this point in your lives. People can change in six years for the better or for the worse. Startin’ fresh makes sense.”
I nodded in agreement. “It doesn’t make me any less scared, though.”
Gavin patted my leg. “What’s meant to be will be.”
“Aideen said that to me yesterday!”
“Now I know where I got that sayin’ from then.” He chuckled. “What’s the second thing you wanted to tell me?”
My ma flashed across my mind, and I swallowed. I clasped my hands together on my lap and focused my breathing.
“Me ma is sick.”
Gavin froze, his eyes widening ever so slightly. “Sick?”
“Really sick.”
His lips parted but no words or sounds escaped.
“Breast cancer,” I managed to say around the lump in my throat. “It’s in the early stages.”
“Bear,” Gavin said and reached for me, pulling me into a hug.
I took deep breaths to keep from crying all over him.
“She starts treatment soon,” I said, my voice muffled. “I don’t know anythin’ more than that, but when I go see ’er tomorrow, I’m askin’ for information on everythin’ and what the course of action is.”
Gavin kept his arm around my shoulder. “I’m so sorry that she is goin’ through this.”
“Me too, bud.”
“And your da,” Gavin growled. “The piece of shite.”
“You don’t know the half of it,” I said, and then filled him in on the conversation I had with my da over his affair after the cancer bombshell was dropped on me.
“What a fuckin’ arsehole!” Gavin exclaimed when I finished speaking.
“I know,” I agreed, “but he is right. We need me ma to focus on beatin’ ’er cancer. If she knew he cheated ... I don’t want to think of how she’d react.”
“That’s fucked up, Alannah.”
“I know.”
Gavin removed his arm from my shoulder and scrubbed his face with his hands. “I thought I was in a fucked-up situation, but you’ve taken the cake, babe.”
I smiled at him. “Your situation ends with a little baby, though.”
“A baby,” he repeated in awe. “I can’t believe I’m goin’ to have a baby.”
“When are you goin’ to tell your family?”
“No clue,” he answered. “I need to absorb it first.”
I stilled when Gavin looked at me, his gaze hard.
“Don’t tell Bronagh.”
My mouth dropped open.
“No,” Gavin warned before I could object. “She’ll let it slip to Nico, and he’ll tell Kane, and Kane will tell Aideen, and shite will kick off.”
I scratched my neck. “Bronagh and I don’t keep secrets from each other, though. Ye’know that.”
“It’s only for a little while,” Gavin assured me. “Just until I get me ducks in a row and get the courage to tell them.”
I tilted my head back and sighed. “Fine.”
“I love you, bear.”
“Yeah, yeah,” I said, hugging him back when he pulled me into his embrace. “I love your dumbarse, too.”
When Gavin went home after we spoke, I was so drained from the day’s events that I didn’t go back to Bronagh’s house as I had initially intended to. I had planned to send her a text and tell her I’d swing by the next day instead, but I couldn’t find my phone. I thought of the last time I had it: after I spoke to Gavin and drove home from Bronagh’s house. When I realised where it was, I groaned in annoyance.
I left my apartment and made my way to the lobby of the building, waving at Joseph, the night guard as I passed by. When I retrieved my phone from my car and locked it, I heard a soft cry. A cry that was dangerously close to that of a baby. With my heart pounding, and all my senses on high alert, I spun around, and squinted my eyes, hoping it’d help me see better.
It didn’t.
I jumped when I heard the cry again, and walked briskly in the direction it came from. All sorts of scenarios were flooding through my mind. I had seen on the news plenty of times about people abandoning newborn babies and leaving them out in the open with no protection. I prayed to God that wasn’t the case, but when I came across a cardboard box in-between two parked cars, my entire body tensed, and I just about died on the spot. I crept forward, and when I found the courage to peek inside the box, I nearly deflated with relief when I saw it wasn’t a baby … but then sympathy flooded me when I realised what I’d stumbled upon.