My stomach fluttered with nerves.
“I was annoyed with Dominic for stepping in to defend me when I could do it myself, so I got him off Trent and intended to whoop him on my own, but he pulled a gun. If Nala hadn’t jumped on Trent’s back to distract him, he would have shot me. I saw it in his eyes, he was going to do it. I got the gun from him, thanks to Nala.”
He clenched his teeth together.
“When I think about that night, I can still hear Dominic plead and cry with me to throw the gun away because we weren’t our dad, and I wished I had listened to him. Because what I did ruined my brothers’ lives. I shot Trent, and when he hit the ground, he stopped moving. Blood was everywhere, and shit passed by in a blur after that.”
I began to chew on my nails.
“I knew what I had done would mean I would have to die. That’s just how it works, a life for a life. At the time, I was prepared to accept that. I felt so torn up over my parents, over the fact that I had turned out just like my dad, that I was willing to die just to escape everything. Ryder met with Marco, and I wasn’t dumb as to what it was about. If Marco killed me, he knew my brothers would retaliate, so they both discussed it until they reached a decision.”
“The life debt,” I concluded. “Morgan said your brothers started to work for Marco to pay off your life debt.”
“Yes,” Damien answered. “They cut me out of the deal to protect me.”
The resentment in his tone surprised me.
“You’re disappointed you couldn’t have a dangerous job?”
“No,” he answered. “I was disappointed that my brothers put their lives on the line to protect me and didn’t give me a chance to pay off the debt I brought upon us myself. That was the day I stopped being a brother.”
“What do you mean?” I quizzed. “You are a Slater brother.”
“On paper, yeah,” he said, “but inside, I don’t feel like one.”
“Why?”
“Because they don’t treat me like their equal,” Damien answered. “They treat me like the baby they were stuck with and had to raise. I hate it; I always have. Dominic is four minutes older than I am, and he was clued in on everything because he had a job for Marco.”
I didn’t know what to say, so I remained quiet.
“Anyway.” He cleared his throat. “I didn’t know that Nala was dead until we moved to Ireland and my brothers wanted out of their deal with Marco because they repaid the life debt and made Marco more money than Trent ever could. Marco wanted to keep my family under his thumb, so that night in Darkness when we were together, I was attacked until I fell unconscious. You were knocked out, too. Marco used us as bait to lure my brothers into his trap. It all went sideways for him. Trent admitted he raped and murdered Nala the day after I shot him. She came by looking for me and walked in on Trent being treated by a doctor. Marco couldn’t let her live after what she saw, so he let Trent kill her. He raped her, killed her, and then buried her in the grave that was meant for himself. She was ten weeks pregnant at the time; she had told me a few days beforehand, and I began to pull away from her because of that. I was terrified of having a baby, but it scared me more to love it in case I lost it.”
I began to silently cry.
“I didn’t know it when I was a kid, but I thought Nala’s dad packed her up and moved because I could never find either of them when I searched. I always thought she was alive and had our baby, and I was pissed at her for not allowing me to be apart of that. My parents’ death sent me into grief, but Nala kept me there, and because of her, I kept everyone at arm’s length. I was so angry with her … and all the while, I never knew that both of them were dead because of me.”
“Trent.”
Damien blinked. “What?”
“They died because of Trent, not you.” I sniffled. “You have to stop placin’ blame on your shoulders when it belongs on someone else’s.”
“Alannah—”
“No,” I cut him off. “You blame yourself for everythin’ that happened, but you were a baby. Fifteen years old. You had no control over what other people did, so stop blamin’ yourself. Marco tricked your family into workin’ for ’im. He is to blame for all of this, and Trent is responsible for killin’ Nala and your baby. Him, not you!”
Damien stared at me, and I knew it was difficult for him to do as I asked.
“You aren’t to blame.”
He blinked. “You don’t blame me for everything?”
“No,” I said. “And I know no one else does either.”
He looked down, and I knew in the back of his mind, he didn’t believe me.
“We can come back to that,” Damien said, clearing his throat. “I want to keep going.”
I nodded and waited.
“After all that happened. Everything with Darkness, with us, I decided to leave to better myself thanks to Bronagh.”
“Bronagh?”
“Yeah.” Damien nodded. “When she came by the room we were in, she was straight with me. She told me exactly how she felt, and how horrible I was for sleeping with you when I knew you liked me. She knew how much I never wanted to be like my parents, and she made me realise how I was treating girls, how I treated you, was wrong and something they would do. She was brutal, but no one else was going to tell me what I needed to hear. She flipped a switch in me.”
“What did you do when you went back to New York?”
“I removed the headstone for Trent on Nala’s grave and had a new one made for her and the baby. I know it was still inside her stomach, but it was still a baby, and I didn’t want people not to know he or she didn’t exist. You know?”
“Yeah, sweetheart, I know.”
Damien exhaled a breath. “Do you hate me for getting Nala pregnant?”
“Of course not,” I replied, shocked. “Damien, you didn’t know I existed when you and Nala were together. Don’t be silly.”
He nodded and looked down at his hands.
“Maybe … Maybe we can buy Nala and the baby a star, just like you bought me,” I suggested. “That way when we look up, we’ll know they’re out there watchin’ over us. Would that help you in any way?”
When Damien looked at me, my heart pounded when I saw unshed tears in his eyes.
“It’s okay to cry,” I told him. “You’re allowed to be sad and grieve who you lost. You don’t need to worry about how I feel about it. I’m sad for you and for Nala and the baby, too. No one deserves what she went through.”
I didn’t move when Damien got up and came to my side. I wrapped my arms around him when he hugged my body to his. He put his head on mine and cried. When he cried, it almost instantly set me off. I held him, rocked him side to side, and let him release everything he had been keeping inside.
“I have more to tell you,” he said, clearing his throat.
“More of your story or your brothers?”
“My brothers,” Damien answered, pulling back to look at me. “Mine ended after I … after I took Trent’s life.”
Hearing him say that out loud didn’t horrify me like I thought it would have; it gave me an incredible sense of relief and a huge sense of justice for Nala and the baby he killed.
“I’m glad,” I said, taking hold of his hand. “I’m glad.”
Damien closed his eyes and rested his forehead against mine.
“Also, I don’t want to hear your brothers’ stories from you. I want to hear it from them.”