Damien nodded and kept his eyes closed.
“Are you okay?”
“I’m just enjoying this feeling of being close to you,” he answered as he opened his eyes. “I’ve missed you so much.”
“I’ve missed you too,” I said. “It killed me to shut you all out, but I needed to. I needed to reach this frame of mind where I was able to hear you out.”
“I know, freckles.”
When I kissed Damien, he was so surprised that he didn’t return the kiss for a few seconds, and when he did, it felt like magic. When we separated, he kept his hold on me.
“I want to talk to you about Alec,” he said. “He gave me permission to tell you this. This is something only I know, and by allowing me to tell you, he wants you to know that he loves and trusts you enough to keep this secret between the three of us.”
I reared back. “I don’t wanna know. I don’t wanna keep secrets anymore.”
“This is a secret that you won’t want to share,” Damien assured me. “It’s only to help you understand my brother and understand the level of love and trust he has for you after everything you have been through with Carter.”
I inhaled a deep breath.
“Okay.”
“Alec is thirty-one, and he is happy all the time.” Damien began. “He makes innuendoes, he overreacts about a lot of things, he has shits and giggles about random things that pop into his head. He is different. Have you ever stopped and wondered why?”
I raised my brows. “No.”
“Out of all my brothers,” Damien continued. “Alec is the one who deserves to smile and laugh over dumb shit because for a very long time, the bubbly, happy man you know didn’t exist. He was a shell of a person.”
“What?” I whispered. “Why?”
“He was heavily abused in his line of work.” Damien swallowed. “He was a prostitute in Marco’s eyes, but he considered himself to be an escort. Most of the time, he had consensual sex on the job, a lot of the time he didn’t even have to kiss his dates, but some of the time … he was forced to do things that I don’t want to go into detail about.”
“R-rape?”
“Yes.”
A cry bubbled up my throat, and I covered my mouth with my hand to contain it.
“It got bad.” Damien’s voice became rough. “When I was sixteen, a year after the jobs started, Alec was hurt by two men in a way I’ll never be able to get over.”
I felt sick.
“He always came home late, and this night, I got some midnight snacks when I heard him come in and go up the stairs. He was crying. I had never heard him cry before, so I knew whatever happened to him was bad. I followed him up the stairs after a minute or two, just to see if he was okay and …”
My heart stopped.
“He tried to kill himself, Alannah,” Damien said, a pained expression crossing his face. “He used a cable tie, threw it over one of the beams on the ceiling, and put it around his neck. What those men did to him made him want to die.”
“Oh, God.”
“I still don’t know how I got him down or got the cable tie from around his neck. It’s all a blur, but I’m just happy I was awake when he came home, and that I followed him to see if he was okay.”
I cried, and Damien held me.
“He told me everything that had happened to him and made me swear never to tell the others. Not because he didn’t trust them, but because he wanted to save them the pain of knowing.”
“Like … like you and the others tried to do with me.”
“Yes, because some secrets are best left buried, baby.”
I agreed.
“I’ll never tell,” I swore. “I promise, I’ll never tell. I won’t even speak of it to Alec.”
“I know you won’t.”
“I can’t believe he went though that.”
“All of my brothers have been through hell.”
I was quiet.
“It’s my fault,” he continued. “I ruined their lives because I couldn’t keep my temper in check.”
I could repeat to him over and over that it wasn’t his fault, but I wasn’t one of his brothers. He needed to hear it from them that he wasn’t to blame.
“Are you sure he never told Keela about this, though?”
“I’m sure.” He nodded. “When I came back, and when I was on my own with him, he explained that it was a part of his life he wanted to protect her from. Since he couldn’t protect her from the other parts of his life that had bad implications on their relationship.”
“Then why are you telling me?”
“Because he wants you to know just how much he does trust you. He hated how you looked at him the day Carter got in your head; it hurt him to see you scared of him. It’s just… he was silent for so long, but now he has a reason to be heard. Do you understand?”
“I do.” I nodded. “I really do.”
When I stood up, Damien looked up at me, frowning.
“What’s wrong?”
“Nothin’,” I answered. “I want to go up to Kane’s apartment so we can talk to everyone else.”
Damien got to his feet. “Are you sure?”
“I’ve never been surer of anythin’ in me life.”
When Damien and I entered Kane’s apartment, it was silent. We both entered the sitting room, and all eyes fell on us. Everyone’s eyes locked on mine and Damien’s hands, and they all seemed to release a breath of relief when they saw our fingers threaded together. Before anyone spoke, my eyes landed on Alec. I let go of Damien and all but crashed into him, wrapping my arms around him so tight. I knew I had to be hurting him, but he didn’t complain. He put his arms around me, rested his cheek on my head, and hugged me back.
“I love you,” I said, my voice muffled against his chest. “So much, you cup obsessed bastard.”
Alec vibrated with laughter.
“I love you too, you cup destroying bitch. You’re getting me a new one, by the way. I’m going to be a nightmare until to do.”
When we separated, I wiped my eyes as I laughed. I noticed everyone was looking at the pair of us with grins. I barely had time to look at Bronagh before she embraced me just as tight as I wrapped myself around Alec.
“I love you so much,” she cried. “I’m so sorry.”
“Don’t be sorry,” I told her. “Do not be sorry, I understand.”
I squeezed her and kissed her cheek.
“You’re me best friend, and I love you so much.”
She hugged me again, and when we separated, I looked around the room.
“I apologise to all of you,” I said, swallowing. “I understand why you all wanted to protect me from knowin’ about your past, and I’m so sorry I called you monsters. I hope you can forgive me.”
“Alannah,” Ryder said with a huff. “You were forgiven the second you said it, kid.”
I hugged him, and then everyone else in the room, before I returned to Damien’s side and slid my arm around his waist. Keela and Branna weren’t present, but I would reunite with them tomorrow and be sure to hug them just as hard.
“Me and Damien have talked, a lot, and he has told me everythin’ he needed to,” I said. “I wanted your stories to come from each of you, and I know you’re all willin’ to tell me, but as of right now, I don’t need to know anymore. If I do, I’ll ask. At this moment in time, I just want to leave the past in the past and focus on all of our futures.”
“I couldn’t have said it better myself, Lana.”
I looked at Nico when he spoke and smiled.
“I just need you four to help me with somethin’,” I said, nodding to Ryder, Alec, Kane and Nico. “Somethin’ important.”
“Anything,” they replied.
“I need to you tell Damien not to blame himself for all the horrible things Marco and those other people involved have put you guys through because he blames himself and doesn’t believe me when I say otherwise. He doesn’t feel like he is truly a brother to you lads, and it breaks me heart that he feels that way.”