Somehow Shelly had convinced Mildred that he needed a receptionist/assistant, and Mildred had agreed. That should have made Shelly Minck suspicious. It made me suspicious, but that, when I am working, is part of my job.
“Mr. Peters,” Violet said, all business, picking up her pad. “You have calls. A Mrs. Eastwood. .”
“Former landlady, claims I owe her for damage to the room I rented,” I explained. “That was four, five years ago. Bad news.”
“Anne,” she went on. “She said you’d know who she was.”
“Good news, maybe. Former wife. That was more than four or five years ago. You remind me a little of Anne when she was your age. But Anne had a lot more. .”
Violet tore off the top sheet of her pad and handed it to me. I folded it once neatly.
The groan from beyond the inner door tore through me.
“Dr. Minck has a patient,” Violet whispered as if we were in a sick room or the Burbank Library. “Very sensitive.”
“Sounds it,” I said. “I have two questions, Violet.”
She folded her hands in front of her, and her red lips pouted seriously.
“First, how do you get through that narrow space to your desk, and second, what happened to the two chairs that Shelly moved into the hall for waiting patients to sit on?”
The idea was that Violet would have enough room to move her arms and other parts of her anatomy if patients waited outside.
“Chairs were stolen,” she said sadly. “And I can scrunch myself all together and just make it, but I can’t wear stockings. They’d snag. Not that I have the nylons to spare. But Doctor Minck says he knows where to get real silk stockings. He said he’d like to see me wearing silk stockings to work. It relaxes the patients.”
“I doubt it,” I said as a shriek of agony froze my spine. “Doesn’t that bother you, Violet?”
“No,” she said pertly. “My father was a light heavyweight. I love the fights. That’s how I met my husband. I’m used to pain and brutality.”
“I’m a fight fan too,” I said.
“Maybe we could go together sometime,” she said brightly.
“I don’t think that would be a good idea.”
She shrugged.
“Who do you figure in the Ortiz-Salica fight tomorrow?” I asked. Mexican Manuel Ortiz and Lou Salica of Brooklyn were battling for the bantamweight championship in Oakland.
“Ortiz,” Violet said. “It won’t go the distance.”
“Salica’s got heart,” I said.
“Ortiz has a right hand and fast feet,” she said, searching her desk drawer for something.
“Bet you lunch at Manny’s,” I said.
She found the pencil she was looking for, shrugged, and said, “Okay.”
“You like the job so far?” I said, reluctant to open the inner door and face whatever mayhem Sheldon was doling out to what may or may not have been an innocent patient.
“Not too many patients, not too many calls. Plenty of time to read and learn.” She opened a drawer in the little desk and in the small space behind the drawer wiggled out two books. “Dental hygiene and Spanish. Dr. Minck thinks there’s a whole new market of Mexicans out there,” she said with a wave of her hand. “Somewhere. Oh, God. I almost forgot. You’ve got someone in your office waiting for you. It couldn’t be, but I think it’s a movie star. You know the goofy one with the fat partner?”
It sounded like a description of me and Shelly.
“Laurel. Stan Laurel,” she said.
“Waiting in my office?”
“He didn’t give his name.”
I went through the inner door, closed it behind me, and found myself face to face with the rotund rear of Sheldon Minck draped in soiled white dental smock, as he huddled over someone.
“Almost. Almost. Almost,” Shelly chanted.
A pair of legs, female, squirmed, and their possessor whimpered in defeat.
“There. Hah. There,” Shelly said with a deep sigh, turning to look in my direction. In his right hand was a narrow pliers. Clutched in the mouth of the pliers was a bloody tooth. There were spatters of red on the front of Shelly’s smock and a look of triumph on his round, perspiring face. His thick glasses had slipped to the end of his nose and the few wisps of hair that still clung to the top of his head danced crazily.
He displayed the bloody tooth to the woman in the chair, who seemed to have passed out.
Shelly didn’t appear to notice. He dropped pliers and tooth on the little porcelain-top table next to the dental chair. He picked up the stump of a cigar from the table and placed it triumphantly and as yet unlit in the corner of his mouth.
“You should have seen it, Toby,” he said, fishing under his smock for matches. “Molar, almost impacted. Bad shape. Could have crumbled. And you know what that means?”
He found a match and lit the cigar.
“She fainted, Shel,” I said.
Shelly turned to the patient, squinted through his thick glasses.
“She’s breathing fine,” he said, turning back to me. “How do you like the office?”
I looked around. Violet had begun a major campaign against a decade’s worth of filth. There were no coffee mugs or dishes piled in the sink. There was nothing at all in the sink, in fact, it was clean. The trash can was not overflowing and had a cover on it. Magazines were no longer strewn over cabinets and counters. The yellow linoleum floor was spotless, except for the few splotches of blood from Shelly’s very recent triumph.
Violet had also put a painting on the wall to cover a bulging crack. The painting showed Napoleon, a sword in his right hand, on top of a white horse that was rearing back with his two front legs high in the air. Behind Napoleon were a bunch of soldiers in uncomfortable-looking uniforms, following him into battle.
“You’ve got a visitor,” Shelly whispered slyly.
“Stan Laurel,” I said.
“Violet told you,” he said. “Tell him I give a major discount to your clients.”
“No,” I said. “I don’t want you to talk to my clients, let alone work on their teeth.”
“I’m good, Toby. You know I’m good.”
“You’re fine, Shelly. I just don’t think it’s right to mix business with torture. I think you should do something about your patient. She’s a funny shade of orange.”
With that I turned to my office, a space just a little bit larger than Violet’s reception room. I tried not to see clients in the office. Most of my jobs were set up by phone calls. Not too many people stumbled on my office in the dark halls of the sixth floor of the Farraday while they were on the way to a music lesson and said to themselves, “Hey, a private detective. Wife’s been gone for a month. That is just what I need.”
Even if such an event did take place, few people would be filled with confidence by a private investigator who could only be reached by going through a dental office.
I opened my office door, and Fred Astaire turned in his chair. I closed the door behind me.
“They said. .” I began, shaking his hand as he stood.
“That I was Stan Laurel. I heard. Not all that unusual a mistake. I’ve got to confess that sometimes when I look in the mirror I could swear Laurel was on the other side.”
“Cup of coffee?” I asked, moving behind my desk and clearing away three days of mail to make room for the sheet from Violet’s pad with Anne’s number on it.
“No, thanks,” said Astaire.
There was one window in the room. Right behind the desk. Perfect view of the alley six flights below. If I leaned out, I could see my Crosley parked between the garbage cans. I opened the window, sat, and faced Astaire, who was wearing a perfectly tailored blue suit, an off-blue shirt, and a tie the color of the suit. He looked a little skinnier than he did in the movies, no more than one-forty, and he was about my height, maybe five-nine. I figured him for about forty, maybe a little older. He had less hair than I remembered, and the memory wasn’t that old. I’d taken Carmen, the cashier at Levy’s on Spring, to see You Were Never Lovelier about a month ago.