She hit the End Call button and swore.
“Way to sound like a complete idiot,” she muttered.
She rubbed her eyes. Why hadn’t she at least had some coffee first so she could manage to make sense?
Tucking her phone into the pocket of her robe, she moved into the kitchen to get coffee started. Her cell phone rang.
Mick.
Her stomach knotted, her pulse fluttering.
Just breathe.
“Hello?”
“Hey, Allie.”
“Oh, hi.”
“Sorry I missed you. I was just getting out of the shower.”
Mick with hot water pouring over his muscular body . . .
She bit back a moan.
“I’m glad I didn’t wake you up.”
“Already went out for a run this morning.”
She had to smile to herself.
“So, how are you doing?” he asked. “Did you get some sleep?”
“Some, yes. And I feel okay. No sore spots.”
“What about the rest? Are you still sorry you got me to play you?”
“I’m only sorry you didn’t kiss me,” she said before she could stop herself.
There was a long pause. Then he said, “Allie,” in a low voice.
She ran her fingers through her hair, catching the tangles. “I know, I know. And that’s not entirely true. I’m sorry about the tears. The drama.”
“I told you last night that wasn’t your fault.”
“I don’t want to argue with you, Mick.”
“Good, then don’t. Just do as I say.”
“What?”
But the sudden authority in his tone was already making her bones melt.
“I thought about this a lot last night after I took you home, and more this morning. The way I see it, we owe it to each other to move ahead with the plan. I owe it to you.”
“To move ahead in what way, exactly? To do a scene at the club? You don’t owe me anything.”
“Don’t argue with me, Allie.”
She walked across the small kitchen, rested her back against the old pink tile at the edge of the sink. She didn’t know what to do, whether to argue or to let him take the lead. She wanted to be with him so badly it hurt. But what was he offering her other than another night of play, the opportunity to set things right in that arena?
“Mick, if this is just you trying to live up to your word as a Dominant, then . . . I don’t know if I can do that. Just have one more scene with you, try to make it a good one, then . . . I don’t know.”
There was a long beat. She could hear him breathing on the other end of the phone. “I don’t know, either, to be honest. And I have to tell you I topped out last night for the first time—that’s why I had to stop the scene. Don’t try to take the blame for it—it happens sometimes. You were doing beautifully. But last night started something, and I think we have to see it through. I don’t know where to, ultimately. But it’s you and me, Allie. We’re not just two people who met at the club and decided to take each other out for a spin. It can’t ever be that for us. Last night showed me that. Topping out showed me that. Part of it was the reality of being at the club with you. To be honest, it stunned me a little, which I didn’t realize until this morning. To know that you really are a part of the kink world—the sweet Allie I’ve known since we were kids. I have to wrap my head around that. But yeah, play for us can never be a casual thing. So if we’re going there at all, we have to be aware of that.”
“You’re right. But Mick . . . do we really try to do this? Because as you said, it’s us. And I’m still not sure that me pushing things wasn’t a huge mistake.”
“Maybe. Or maybe it’s time we figure out once and for all if we’re a mistake.”
Tears formed behind her closed eyes. Could she take it if they got any closer, only to find out they’d crash and burn?
“Allie?”
“I’m thinking,” she said.
“Don’t think. That gets us both into trouble every time, doesn’t it?”
“Can you tell me this isn’t about you having something to prove, Mick? To me? To yourself?”
“It’s always about trying to prove something to myself,” he said gruffly.
“But if that’s all it is—”
“It’s not.”
She exhaled, bit her lip. “Okay.”
“Okay?”
“Yes. Okay.”
“You’re not going to fight me on this?” he asked.
“I just said okay, Mick.”
He let out a small laugh. “Just kind of hard to believe.”
She laughed then, too. “I know.”
“The minute I get you back in that club I’ll find a way to curb your tendency to argue, Allie girl.”
A long, sweet shiver trembled through her body.
“That’s what I’m counting on,” she told him.
Things had shifted somehow from uncertainty and nerves to a hot sensuality in mere moments, it seemed. But that was Mick. Hard with her one minute and soft the next.
Hard with me . . . oh my.
“Now you tell me what your preference is regarding any sexual contact.”
“I . . .” She pressed her fingertips to her lips for a moment. “I really don’t want to be the first one to say it.”
“What if that’s an order?”
“Then I’ll disobey. Just accept that you’re not going to get me to roll over on this one, Mick.”
He laughed. “All right, stubborn girl. I’ll tell you that I think it’s a bad idea to put too many strict limitations on how things go. Again, this is us. We’re not strangers. We should give it every chance to allow things to flow naturally.”
“I agree. Except . . . actual sex is something else, Mick. It’s too intimate. We need to see how play goes, how we go, before we can even begin to negotiate that.”
“Agreed. But I’ll send my clean health papers to you. I get STI checked every twelve weeks. I’ll expect you to do the same in the name of transparency whether we’re having actual intercourse or not. So, we need to discuss when we do this again,” he said. “What’s your schedule like?”
“I don’t really have much of one yet aside from house renovations, which haven’t begun. Lunch with Marie Dawn today—”
“Good.”
“See? I can follow instructions sometimes.”
“Sometimes,” he said wryly. “What else this weekend?”
“That’s it.”
“Then we’re back to The Bastille tonight.”
The breath went right out of her. “Oh.”
“Is that an argument, Allie?”
“What? No. I just didn’t expect things to happen so fast.”
“I like fast.”
God, she was going wet just hearing the tease in his voice, the authority.
“You always have.”
“I’ll pick you up at eight. Be ready. Same instructions as last night.”
“Yes, Sir.”
“Don’t be smart, Allie. You’d do well to remember I’m as much a sadist as I am a rope Top.”
“And I’m as much a masochist as I am a rope bottom.”
They were both silent for several long moments while her system burned with desire.
“Tonight,” he said finally.
“Tonight,” she repeated.
They hung up and she clasped her cell phone in her hands, pressed it to her chest.
This was either going to be amazing or heartbreaking—again. She wasn’t sure she could handle heartbreak. But Mick was right: if they didn’t try, how would they ever know? She didn’t want to live with a head full of the might-have-beens. She’d been doing that for years, and she’d never gotten over it. But she also couldn’t go into this with a heart full of dread. She would need to gather her strength, to not let the fear defeat her. She would do it. For him.
And she would do it for herself. They both deserved, finally, to know.
* * *
SOMEHOW SHE’D KEPT herself busy all day, talking with Allister about the remodel, which he would start next week after a good look at the place on Monday, then at the hardware store, picking out paint and looking at kitchen cabinets. She’d taken a long bath, let herself sink into the ritual of smoothing lotion onto her body, doing her makeup, brushing out her hair until it shone.