She had wanted him and had tried to take him. She had acted blindly, and the instinctive response frightened her. How could she be sure it wouldn't happen again?
"Let me go," she whispered.
His hands tightened on her shoulders and then fell away from her. "Not for long." He moved back to his seat across from her. "I swear to you, not for long, Cassie."
She leaned back and closed her eyes again, trying to shut him out. She could sense his gaze on her face, feel his presence as if he were still touching her.
Dear God, she could not close him away. She might never be able to do it again.
Thirteen
"Are you awake?" Lani whispered from the doorway.
"Yes." Cassie turned over on her bed to face the door. Lani was still in her ball gown; she must have barely arrived. "I've just gotten to bed. I'll get up."
"No, we'll talk in the morning. I'll stay only a moment." Lani glided forward, set the candlestick down on the bedside table, then sat on the edge of the bed. "I just had to know how you did it."
"I threatened her with the death Kalaniopuu dealt Cook."
Lani threw back her head, and her rich laughter rang out. "And she believed you?"
"Josette said she was a coward. I was angry. You would have believed me, too."
A smile lingered on her lips. "Perhaps." She bent forward and brushed Cassie's forehead with a kiss. "You should not have done it, but it pleases me that you did. It's good to have a loving friend." She picked up the candlestick and moved toward the door. "Good night, Kanoa. Sleep well."
Jared had said Kanoa was on the ascendancy, and now Lani was calling her by her Hawaiian name. Perhaps she had been more fierce than she had thought tonight.
Lani paused at the door and glanced back at her. "Kalaniopuu, truly?"
"It seemed appropriate."
"Oh yes, extremely." Lani's lips were still twitching as she gently shut the door.
Bradford straightened away from the wall. "Did you find out what our tiger did to the bitch?"
"Only a threat." Lani smiled. "But an exceptionally intimidating one." She started down the hallway. "What are you doing here? I thought you were going to your bed."
"Not until I was sure all was well with you. I knew you'd go first to Cassie." He fell into step with her. "I'll escort you to your room."
"That's not necessary. I do know the way."
He said with sudden violence, "For God's sake, let me do something for you."
She looked at him in astonishment. She had never seen urbane, mocking Bradford this upset. His hands clenched and unclenched at his sides as he strode beside her down the hall.
"And don't stare at me as if there were something outrageous about my wanting to protect you. It makes me want to shake you."
"I cannot see how you can want to do both. The two seem to be at odds."
"Not when a man is as frustrated as I am. Do you know how much I envied Cassie tonight? I stood there and watched her defend you, not even knowing from what insult. You didn't let me know. You wouldn't let me help you. You never let me close enough to-"
"I didn't need defending," she interrupted. "It would have been better if Cassie had let it alone. She may have done harm to Josette."
"And the harm to Lani doesn't matter?"
"Those people could not hurt me unless I let them hurt me."
"They hurt you. I saw it in your face."
"Then you were mistaken." They had reached her door and her hand grasped the knob. "You don't know me well enough to read me."
"The hell I don't!" His hands on her shoulders, he jerked her around to face him. His eyes blazed down at her. "I know you better than anyone in this world. I know your pride and your generosity, your intelligence and your stubbornness. I know you'd go through the fires of Hades for anyone you cared about, and I want to be one of those people. I want it so badly it hurts me."
His lips crushed down on her mouth.
Sensuality and passion enveloped her, taking her breath, sending heat spiraling through her. His action was so sudden she had no time to lift barriers against it. Instinctively her mouth opened and his tongue entered her. Her breasts were swelling against the broad wall of his chest, and she felt the familiar hot, tingling yearning between her thighs.
He lifted his head and said hoarsely, "You see, this is what we could have. You need me."
Dazed, she gazed up at him. In this moment he was totally masculine, totally sensual, and she was responding as helplessly as she had when she was a young girl with her first man.
Triumph blazed in his expression.
Her arms slowly slid around his neck and her head tilted back. Yes, come to me. Let my body sing. Let us join in the dance of-
No!
She jerked away from him and stepped back so hurriedly she bumped against the door. She shuddered as she realized how close she had come to yielding.
"Don't do this. You need me."
She drew a shaky breath. "I don't need you." She had to drive a wedge between them. "I just need a man."
Hurt flickered across his rough features, and then he forced a smile. "Then take me. I'm at your disposal."
She shook her head. "Charles would not like it."
"You wouldn't have to tell him." His smile became self-mocking. "You see how low I've fallen. I'm even willing to share you with him. I'll take you any way I can get you. What a pitiful specimen I'm turning out to be."
His bitterness hurt her. "You're not pitiful. You're a fine man." She paused and then said in a rush, "Even if there were no Charles, can't you see it would not be good between us? You were there tonight. Your friends think me a savage. They would never accept me."
"Then they will no longer be my friends."
"I do not like your England."
"Then we'll go wherever you like."
She shook her head in despair. "You would be sorry you married me."
"Shall we see? Go get your cloak and we'll be off to Gretna Green. By morning we'll be wed." His boyish smile was eager. "Let me show you how I can love you, Lani. I'll care for your needs, I'll satisfy your body. I'll never ask you to say you love me. I won't ask anything but that you let me love."
She closed her eyes. She could imagine what it would be like to let herself be loved by Bradford. Passionate, warm, and yet with a multitude of sweet challenges. He would keep her safe and value her. She had never known a love like that. All her life she had been the one to give. What a lovely life it-
Her lids flicked open as she realized where that path was leading her. She could not believe how tempted she had been. Honor and loyalty forbade her even considering Bradford's plea. "Impossible." She suddenly found her eyes stinging with tears, and she turned her back and fumbled for the knob. "I've told you before I cannot listen to this. I love only Charles."
"No, you don't," he said fiercely. "You may care about Deville, but, by God, you care about me, too. Every day it's growing. In another month you won't even remember what it was like to do without me."
She fled inside her room and slammed the door behind her.
Her chest was constricted, and she couldn't breathe without wanting to weep. The last few minutes had been more agonizing than those hideous hours at Carradine House. Dear God, she did not want to hurt Bradford. The last thing in the world she wanted was to cause him sadness or distress.
The last thing in the world.
Dangerous thought. Threatening truth.
She staggered over to the bed and sat down. She felt battered and bruised and a hundred years old.
Every day it's growing.
If that was true, then it must stop.
And she had a dreadful feeling it was true.
Josette was standing at Kapu's stall stroking him when Cassie came to the stable the next day.
Josette turned to Cassie with a triumphant smile. "I've saddled him for you. He's beginning to like me. It's just going to take a little more time, and I'll be able to ride him." She added quickly, "If you'll let me."