"She was mistaken."
His face fell with disappointment, and she felt an impulse to gather him close and soothe the pain away.
He forced a smile. "I should have known it was too soon. You're still mourning."
"No," she said. "Charles will always be with me, but the time for mourning is past."
"But you won't have me."
She shook her head.
"Then I'll wait. I'll wait forever."
He would do it. She gazed at him helplessly. "How can I convince you this is not a good thing for you?"
"It's a wonderful thing for me. The most wonderful thing that's ever happened to me."
"We live in different worlds."
"True. Won't it be interesting?"
"No, it will be cruel and hard and-"
"You're weeping," he said in wonder.
"I'm not without sympathy for your pain."
"And your own."
She didn't answer for a moment, and when she did, the words were nearly inaudible. "And my own."
His face lit with a luminous smile. "You love me."
"I… have a certain affection for you."
"You love me."
"All right, I love you," she burst out. "Are you satisfied now?" She took a swift step back when he reached out to touch her. "No!"
His hand fell to his side. "I won't move quickly. Not if you don't want me to."
She desperately wanted him to touch her, but she was afraid she would flow into his arms and all would be lost. She had to remain in control of the situation, or he would destroy himself. "I can't convince you to leave me?"
"Not in the next hundred years."
"Very well." She moistened her lips. "I'll let you stay, but it will be on my terms. There will be no marriage."
He gazed at her, waiting.
"We will talk. We will take walks. We will play cards and chess."
"Whatever you want. Is that all?"
"No, we will couple."
A wide smile illuminated his face. "Anything else?"
"Babies. I like babies. Then when you leave me-"
"I like babies too."
"But you must not feel it's necessary to stay with me because I have children. My people love babies for themselves, not because of words said over them by the Church."
"I won't feel it necessary to stay with you," he promised. "Anything else?"
She shook her head. "But you must not speak of marriage."
"Oh, I won't." He smiled and held out his hand to her. "Not for a long, long time. Maybe after our third child is born."
She gazed at him in despair. What could you do with a man like Bradford?
Love him, take care of him, reach out to him.
Reach out to life.
She took his hand.
Lightning seared the night sky to the east.
Not tonight, Cassie prayed. The horses had settled down wonderfully in the cargo hold, but a storm would mean she would have to spend the night with them.
The storm was far away, though; maybe it would skirt around them.
She paused outside Jared's cabin and dropped her cloak to the deck. She took a deep breath and opened the door.
He was sitting at the desk, fully dressed, his back to her.
"You're not ready for me," she said.
He went still, the line of his spine rigid. He slowly turned in the chair to face her.
His gaze traveled from her bare feet, to her sarong-swathed hips, and then to her bare breasts. He said hoarsely, "I didn't know I was supposed to be."
She closed the door behind her. "It's all right. Things are a little different now, anyway. I even wore a cloak."
"I'm honored." His tone was guarded.
"Well, it's very chilly outside." She shook her head. "No, that's not true. It's still difficult for me not to put up barriers against you. I did it because I knew the seamen seeing me naked made you unhappy."
"I appreciate your consideration. My temper is a little frayed these days."
"Then we'll have to do something to repair it." She moved toward him across the cabin. "I have a suggestion." She stopped before him and took his hand. "You're usually very relaxed afterward." She put his hand on her breast.
A long shudder went through him. "What the devil are you doing here?"
"I don't think I could make it any plainer." Her hands went to the knot of her sarong. "But I'll try."
He snatched her hand away. "Stop it. This isn't the time… Christ, what am I saying?"
"Foolishness."
He ran his fingers through his hair. "I think you're right. I should just reach out and grab… No, goddammit; it has to be right this time." He pulled her down to her knees on the floor in front of him. "Is it lust? Did you come here because it's the Josephine and it's what you became accustomed to doing? Because if it is, then you can just get out of here…" He muttered, "Maybe."
"There will always be lust." Her smile faded. "But that's not why I'm here." It was time. It had to be said, but she couldn't look at him when she said it. She laid her cheek on his knees. "I… love you. It would please me if you would marry me. I'd like to live with you all my life. I'd like you to give me children." Her throat was tight with tears and she tried to joke. "If you do, I promise I'll even let you ride Kapu."
"Then how could I resist?" She was suddenly on his lap, his face buried in her breasts. "God, I love you. I was afraid it would take months to get you to-" His words were muffled. "I didn't know what to do."
She held him fiercely close. She would never let him go again. She said shakily, "You did very well."
He lifted his head, and his blue eyes were gleaming with mischief. "I can do better." His fingers fumbled with the knot of her sarong. "Now that I know you're not just using me to quench your-"
The door of the cabin was flung open. "You've got to come quick!"
They both turned in astonishment to see Josette standing in the doorway.
"There's a storm coming. Can't you feel this deck pitching?" Josette said. "I've been trying to quiet them, but I need you." She suddenly became aware of Cassie's dishabille. "Oh, an orgy? How interesting. Well, you can do it later. Is that your sarong? You're right, it's much more shocking than my trousers. You must let me wear it sometime." She frowned as she returned to more important concerns. "Don't just sit there. I need help with the horses." She turned and vanished from the open doorway.
"I'm going to throw her overboard," Jared said through his teeth.
Cassie was still dazed. "She stowed away?"
"She must have sailed down the coast in her boat and managed to hide herself in the cargo hold before we arrived here." Jared stood up and put Cassie on her feet. "God in heaven, what am I going to do with her?"
Cassie started to laugh; she couldn't help it. Life would never go as expected for them. There would always be twists and turns, storms and sunlight. Well, what of it? Serenity would probably bore them both.
"Exactly what she told us to do. We're going to help her with the horses." She took his hand and lovingly smiled into his eyes. "And have our orgy later."
About the Author
Iris Johansen has won every major romance writing award for her achievements in the genre since the publication of her very first novel, which earned her the Best New Category Romance Author Award from Romantic Times. She has won the Affaire de Coeur Silver Pen Award as their reader's favorite author, and most recently was honored with Romantic Times's Lifetime Achievement Award.
