"If we leave the damn place," Dr. Fraser said harshly, "we'll have to leave it pretty much the way we found it."
When they returned to the encampment, after a three week survey, they found that two permanent buildings of wood and stone had already been erected; a common recreation hall and refectory, and a building for use as a laboratory. It was the last time MacAran measured anything by weeks; they still did not know the length of the planet's year, but they had for the sake of convenience
and the assignment of duties and work shifts set up an arbitrary ten-day cycle, with one day in every ten a general holiday. Large gardens had been laid out and seeds were already sprouting, and a careful harvesting was being made of a few tested fruits from the woods.
A small wind generator had been rigged, but power was strictly rationed, and candles made from resin from the trees were being issued for night use: The temporary domes still housed most of the personnel except those who were located in the hospital; MacAran shared his with a dozen other single men.
The day after his return Ewen Ross summoned both him and Judy to the hospital. "You missed Dr. Di Asturien's announcement," he said. "In brief, our hormone contraceptives are worthless--no pregnancies so far except one very doubtful early miscarriage, but we've been relying on hormones so long that no one knows much about the prehistoric kind any more. We don't have pregnancy-testing equipment, either, since nobody needs it on a spaceship. Which means if we do get any pregnancies they may be too far advanced for safe abortions before they're even diagnosed!"
MacAran smiled wryly. "You can save your breath where I'm concerned," he said, "the only girl I'm currently interested in doesn't know I'm alive--or at least wishes I weren't." He had not even seen Camilla since his return.
Ewen said, "Judy, what about you? I looked up your Medic record; you're at the age where contraception is voluntary instead of mandatory--"
She smiled faintly. "Because at my age I'm not likely to be taken unawares by emotion. I've not been sexually active on this voyage--there's no one I've been interested in, so I've not bothered with the shots."
"Well, check with Margaret Raimondi anyhow--she's giving out emergency information just in case. Sex is voluntary, Judy, but information is mandatory. You can choose to abstain--but you ought to be free to choose not to, so run along to Margaret and pick up the information."
She began to laugh and it struck MacAran that he had not seen Judith Lovat laugh since the day of the strange madness that had attacked them all. But the laughing seemed to have a hysterical note which made him uneasy, and he was relieved when she said at last, "Oh, very well. What harm can it do?" and went. Ewen looked after her with disquiet, too.
"I'm not happy about her. She seems to have been the only one permanently affected by whatever it was that hit us, but we haven't psychiatrists to spare and anyhow she is able to do her work--which is a legal definition of sanity in any terms. Still, I hope she snaps out of it. Was she all right on the trip?"
MacAran nodded. He said thoughtfully, "Perhaps she had some experience she hasn't told us about. She certainly seems at home here. Something like what you told me about MacLeod knowing the fruits were good to eat. Could an emotional shock develop latent psi powers?"
Ewen shook his head. "God only knows, and we're too busy to check it out. Anyhow, how would you check out anything like that? As long as she's normal enough to do her assigned work I can't interfere with her."
After leaving the hospital, MacAran walked through the encampment. Everything looked peaceful, from the small shop where farm tools were being constructed, to the ship area where machinery was being removed and stored. He found Camilla in the dome which had been wind-damaged the night of the fire; it had been repaired and reinforced, and the computer controls set up inside. She looked at him with what seemed open hostility.
"What do you want? Has Moray sent you here to order me to transform this into a weather station or some such thing?"
"No, but it sounds like a good idea," MacAran said. "Another blizzard like the one that hit us the night of the fire, could wreck us if we weren't warned."
She came and looked up at him. Her arms were straight down at her sides, clenched into fists, and her face taut with anger. She said, "I think you must all be quite insane. I don't expect anything more of the colonists--they're just civilians and all they care about is getting their precious colony set up. But you, Rafe! You've had a scientist's training, you ought to see what it means! All we have is the hope of repairing the ship--if we waste our resources on anything else, the chances get smaller and smaller!" She sounded frantic. "And we'll be here forever'!'
MacAran said slowly, "Remember, Camilla, I was one
of the colonists, too. I left Earth to join the Coronis colony--"
"But that's a regular colony, with everything set up to make it to make it part of civilization," Camilla said. "I can understand that. Your skills, your education, they'd be worth something!"
MacAran reached out and took her shoulders in his hands. "Camilla--" he said, and put all his yearning into the sound of her name. She didn't actually respond, but she was quiet between his hands, looking up at him. Her face was drawn and miserable.
"Camilla, will you listen to me a minute? I'm with the Captain all the way, as far as acts go. I'm willing to do anything needful to make sure the ship gets off the ground. But I'm keeping in mind that it may not, after all, be possible, and I want to make sure we can survive if it isn't."
"Survive for what?" Camilla said, almost frantic. "To revert to savagery, survive as farmers, barbarians, with nothing that makes life worth living? We'd do better to die in a last effort!"
"I don't know why you say that, my love. After all, the first humans started with less than we have. Their world, maybe, had a little better climate, but then we have ten or twelve thousand years of human know-how. A group of people that Captain Leicester thinks capable of repairing a starship, ought to have enough know-how to build a pretty good life for themselves and their children--and all the generations after that." He tried to draw her into his arms, but she wrenched away, white and furious.
"I'd rather die," she said harshly, "any civilized human being would! You're worse than the New Hebrides group out there--Moray's people--that damnfool back-to-nature crew, playing right into his hands--"
"I don't know anything about them--Camilla, my darling, please don't be angry with me. I'm only trying to look at both sides--"
"But there is only one side," she flung at him, angry and implacable, "and if you don't see it that way then you aren't even worth talking with! I'm ashamed--I'm ashamed of myself that I ever let myself think you might be different!" Tears were running down her face, and she angrily flung off his hands. "Get out and stay out! Get out, damn you!"
MacAran had the temper usually associated with his hair. He dropped his hands as if he had been burned, and spun on his heel. "It will be a positive pleasure," he said between his teeth, and strode out of the dome, slamming the reinforced door until it rattled on its hinges. Behind him Camilla collapsed on a bench, her face in her hands, and cried herself sick, weeping frantically until a wave of violent nausea racked her, forcing her to stagger away toward the women's latrine area. At last she crept away, her head pounding, her face flushed and sore, aching in every nerve.