I could feel my cheeks flame and Cortland stared at me for a long moment before he spoke. “Or an immigrant preying on a lonely widow.”
If he hadn't meant it as a put-down before… “Oh, is that what you think?”
“If it's not love, it's at least convenient. A backyard beefcake at your beck and call.”
He hadn't sounded snappish-it's the women who come off that way-and I couldn't control the shrill of my tone. “Who do you think you are?” I grabbed my jacket to get up and leave, but he grabbed my hand.
“I'm sorry. I don't know why I said that. It was rude and completely out of line.”
I stood and fought back the tears, releasing his hand. “I started it. I'm sorry. I shouldn't speak that way about my own sister. I don't know what got into me.”
“No, I'm sorry. Now that I've acted like a complete dog, perhaps it's time we go look for one. If you'll still get in a car with me?”
His apology sounded sincere, and I really did want to surprise the boys with a dog. They'd been getting along so much better lately, and while their rooms still weren't immaculate, I didn't exactly set the best example in the good housekeeping department. We drove in silence most of the way to the breeder's house, my head pressed against the cool window as I watched the sunflower fields sway in the wind. The temperature had dropped considerably, and by the time we played with the litter of German Shepherd puppies in the breeder's backyard, it began to drizzle.
“Which one?” the breeder asked, tugging at his rain slicker, clearly ready to take cover.
A wooly gray furball pounced over and playfully bit my hand. Love at first bite. “I think he picked me,” I said, looking up at Cortland.
“You three will be very happy together,” the breeder said dryly, as he led us into the house to do the paperwork. Obviously, he thought Cortland and I were a couple, but I didn't correct him. Neither did Cortland.
“They can be tough to house-train,” the breeder said, handing the puppy over to me.
“I've done it before,” Cortland said assuredly, and I grinned at the prospect of his help. Presumptuous, but kind. I was probably his future sister-in-law and my sons, his future nephews. He was helping out family, was all.
“Could be fun,” he said as he peered over the backseat at the little pup whimpering in the crate, and then looked back to me again.
I don't know who needed more help at the moment-me or the dog-but I looked forward to it all the same.
Chapter 15
I LAY IN THE early light and swept my arms over Joel's side of the bed, sunken in where his body had lain. Joel used to joke he was climbing into his cocoon every night. I wondered if it would be weird just to move it to the garage to keep for old time's sake? Weird for a Normal, but perfectly normal for a Griever.
I'd progressed in leaps and bounds by adding a dog into our lives, but I couldn't get rid of Lumpy, even when I woke up with a backache because the mattress had given up support long ago. I'd had emotional attachments to objects before-my first designer bag in college, my grandmother's diamond earrings-but an ugly, worn-out, king-sized bed? I decided a marriage is a triangle made up of a man, a woman, and their bed. It was one of the last physical remnants of our union, and yet my back knew it was time to say goodbye; finally, so did I. If only I could gather the courage.
Da Vinci would've preferred Lumpy to the pull-out couch that became our regular venue for late-night romps. On Halloween night, after the boys had finally come down from their sugar high and gone to bed, I had slipped out to the studio, where more than two dozen candy wrappers littered his floor.
A few things began to bother me about da Vinci, high among them his trail of clutter wherever he went-this coming from the Clutter Queen. How could I tolerate it in myself, but despise it in others? Talk about a hypocrite. Used paper towels and wadded-up homework and wrappers of every size, shape, and color. Didn't they have wastebaskets in the Italian countryside, too? He was worse than my boys, and I already had to pick up after them. I forgot when you get a boyfriend, you get more than a late-night body warmer. It wasn't just his mess, either.
His work ethic was questionable. While he was good at a lot of things, he didn't like to finish anything he started. After a few days on a temp job, he was ready to move on. If they kept him on too long, he just didn't show up, which caused reprimands all the way up the ladder, and ended up being reported to Panchal, who had high expectations of his immigrants: on time, best effort, no excuses.
I dismissed it as his age, not knowing what he wanted to do with his life yet, or not yet feeling like he fit in, but the more time that passed, the more I thought it could just be da Vinci's personality. I wondered if he would wake up one day and see that I wasn't so interesting after all-just a regular woman with two boys and a mortgage she could barely pay.
And what was with that notebook? He carried it with him everywhere, but when I tried to find it, it was nowhere to be found. What could be inside? Sketches of me and the boys? Love poems? A journal of his new life in America? Da Vinci was still a mystery to me. On any given day, he went from incredibly simple to preposterously complex. He was both or neither or I was just overthinking him. Well, I had a right to, hadn't I? Wasn't he my boyfriend now?
Halloween night, after a quickie on top of the sheets, we lay naked on our bellies and ate more bite-sized candies. He threw his wrappers on the floor and I tossed mine on the side table.
“There are three trashcans in here,” I said, motioning to the one just a foot from where he was tossing the trash.
Da Vinci stuck a Tootsie Roll in his mouth. “You sound like my mother.”
Ouch. “I was just pointing out an obvious fact. Fine. Whatever. You're a grown man. If stepping on candy wrappers and getting chocolate goo on your bare feet doesn't bother you, then why should I care?”
“You shouldn't.”
“Fine.”
“Fine.”
I tried to lighten the mood. “I guess you enjoyed trick or treating? From the looks of it, you really cleaned up.”
“Stop with clean house. Got lots of candy.”
“Sorry. That's an expression: ‘Cleaned up‘ can mean you really did well. As it, got lots of candy.”
“Yes, lots of candy. Candy bars very big in America.”
“Chocolate releases endorphins in the brain,” I said. “Mimics the feelings of love.”
“I don't need chocolate,” he said, playfully hitting my foot with his. “You are one big chocolate factory.”
I kissed him, one chocolatey kiss that had the power to pull me on top of him. “So I saw you writing in your notebook when you and the boys got back. What do you put in there?”
“I already told you. Things.”
“So it's like a diary, then? Anh thinks you write down observations about life, like your namesake did. Is that what it is? Borrowing an old trick from the old man da Vinci?”
In fact, Anh believed he could be da Vinci reincarnated, finally getting to visit America. I would not share this with him, or anyone else, for that matter. I liked to keep my friend's loopy ideas under cover. Besides, it wasn't reincarnation that gave him so many similarities with the genius da Vinci, but his name. Perhaps his parents, even in their small Italian village, fostered creativity and curiosity in their little da Vinci, hoping he might grow up one day to master any of the many things in which the genius da Vinci was gifted. Many people didn't know the old da Vinci had done everything from party planning to war strategy and everything in between: scientist, horseman, astrologer, artist. I had never seen my da Vinci draw or paint anything, though I'd tempted him a few times when the boys were doing crafts, but he never did. Perhaps that's what I was hoping I would find in his notebooks: proof that he was or wasn't da Vinci reincarnate. Besides my da Vinci's skill at landscaping, horseback riding, and taking care of his body, the most obvious shared trait was his proclivity to leave projects half-finished. Hardly a way for him to make his own name for himself, let alone the old guy's.