I woke with a start. I remembered my dreams vividly, and I had to count to one hundred while I lay there in bed before I really believed that I was safe in my room. The red numbers on the clock beside my bed were flashing twelve, and I blinked a few times before I understood. The power had gone out sometime in the night.
I dug my cell phone out from the bottom of my purse to check the time. It was almost four. I pulled on a pair of sweats and threw my hair into a messy ponytail just as Mom knocked at the door.
“Are you ready, sweetie?” She whispered through the door, and I opened it for her.
“Yeah. Do I need to wear anything special?” I hoped she’d say I was fine; I had no desire to fuss with anything right now. In fact, I was starting to question the wisdom of running off with Mom. All I wanted to do was curl up with a pint of ice cream and cry, just like the girl in the movie I’d watched with Aphrodite. But Mom looked chipper, and I didn’t want to disappoint her. Besides, she never took time off work; I didn’t want to spoil her day.
She shook her head. “Today isn’t about how you look. It’s about making you feel better.”
In the kitchen, Mom grabbed the old blue cooler off the table. She must have packed it the night before. Either that, or she’d been up way earlier than me. When we got in the car, I peeked inside the cooler. There was water, juice, fruit, and granola, enough snacks to get us through the morning. I was relieved, since I hadn’t grabbed anything for breakfast, and my stomach was starting to churn furiously.
“Do you want to stop for coffee before we head out?”
“No!” I blurted the words and Mom glanced at me, curious.
“I’ve never known you to turn down coffee.”
I groped around for a reasonable excuse. “I’m still tired. I thought I might doze in the car.” I hoped she couldn’t hear the panic in my voice; the thought of explaining the decimated coffee shop to her was too much.
She accepted my answer, and I breathed a short sigh. I settled back into my seat, but even though I closed my eyes, I didn’t sleep.
The drive to the Atlantic coast usually takes us anywhere from three to four hours, depending on the beach we're headed to. Mom likes to go fast, and she had the road mostly to herself, so it was just after six-thirty when I saw the sign for Wrightsville Beach.
There weren’t any cars in the public lot that early, and as I got out of the car and stretched, I breathed a deep breath, letting the stillness wash over me. Mom grabbed the cooler, locked the car, and strode purposefully toward the deserted beach.
The sun was just breaking over the waves as Mom and I cleared the sand dunes. Just as I had done a million times before, I stopped to unlace my shoes. Beside me, Mom slipped her sandals off. Dad was the only one who ever wore his shoes at the beach. Shoes in hand, we headed for the water, only stopping to set the cooler down near the edge.
Even at dawn, the ocean was active. The waves rolled to the shore with the sound of sandpaper, and seagulls cried overhead. It was breathtaking, and the closer we got to the water, the more I felt myself growing calm. I dipped my toes in the icy surf, and let my feet melt into the sand.
Boldly, Mom waded out past me, and I began to follow her. Despite the chilly morning and the fact that we were fully clothed, Mom didn’t stop until the waves lapped around her hips. I followed, and was instantly soaked. I stood next to her trying to keep my teeth from chattering. She raised her arms in the air, and recognizing the gesture from my ritual magic class, I did the same.
“Ocean, we beg you to wash clean our sad hearts.” When Mom began to chant, I was startled. What did she have to be sad about? But I kept my arms raised, and I listened intently as she continued. “Mother and daughter, we have come to you this morning for the chance of a fresh start.”
Wistfully, I thought of Persephone and the pomegranate seeds, safely tucked in the bottom of my sock drawer at home. I sighed, wondering if it was time for me to take my chances with the seeds. Mom started to lower her arms, and I followed suit, but she shook her head slightly. I raised my arms again, confused, and watched as she scooped up water in her cupped hands.
“May my daughter know no more sadness.” She leaned forward, spilling the water over my forehead. I shivered compulsively as the droplets cascaded down my neck, but I felt a rush at the same time, a sense of energy just out of reach. Mom raised her eyebrow at me and I nodded, lowering my hands and reaching into the freezing water.
I scooped the water up and raised my hands over my mother. “May my mother know no more sadness.” I repeated her words and doused her in salt water. She smiled at me, water dripping down her face like tears. My skin tingled in the crisp morning air, but I tried not to feel the cold. I wanted to savor this morning. I didn’t usually do magic with anyone, especially Mom, and it felt special to share this with her.
It was a simple ritual, but it was beautiful. As we waded back to the beach, I knew that my problems weren’t over, and I didn’t think my mother would be always happy now, either, but the words and intent of our trip to the coast lingered in the air. For just that moment, I stopped being sad. With a burst of Red energy, I lit a piece of driftwood on fire, stepping close to it to dry off. Mom watched me for a moment, standing a few feet away from the fire.
“Come closer and get dry,” I suggested, feeling the warmth coursing through me like magic.
She shook her head sadly. “Lena, that wasn’t the point.”
I felt like I’d missed something, but I didn’t know what. Embarrassed, I kicked sand over the fire until smoke curled lazily into the air. “Um, I’m sorry?”
Mom shrugged. “It’s okay. Let’s walk.”
Chapter Twenty-Four
We lingered at the coast for the morning, wandering around the beach barefoot and stopping to scoop up pretty shells every few feet. But by noon, we headed to the car and said goodbye to the ocean.
“That was really nice. Thank you.” I felt shy being confined in the car with Mom after the morning’s ritual. I hoped she wouldn’t mention the fire; I still felt like I had screwed up her ritual somehow, but I couldn’t explain Red magic without shattering the illusion that everything was fine. Mom and I didn’t usually work magic together, and there was a sense of intimacy hanging over us that I couldn’t reconcile with the fact that I had to lie to her about who and what I was. Still, I wanted her to know that our trip had helped me.
“Of course! Thanks for being willing to take an adventure with me.” She smiled and turned the car back onto the interstate. We drove in companionable silence for almost fifty miles, but then Mom spoke. “Darlena, I know there’s more going on right now. Justin isn’t the only thing upsetting you, is he?”
Stunned, I shook my head.
She smiled. “I thought so. I know you think you love him, but I didn’t raise you to cry that much over a boy. Can you talk about the rest of it, whatever it is?”
My heart swelled up with relief. She wanted me to tell her! I could reveal everything, and then I wouldn’t be carrying my burden alone. She would help me. I opened my mouth, and the image of my mother kneeling to Hecate came into my mind. Even if she knew everything, how much help would she be allowed to offer me? Hell, what if it wasn’t a question of offering me help; what if she would actively work against me to please Hecate? I closed my mouth and shook my head.
Her face fell. “I’m sorry you don’t feel that you can trust me. Please remember, if you ever do want to talk, I would do anything in my power to help you.”
My throat swelled, and I almost started to cry. Not trusting my voice, I nodded.
“Just remember, sweetie, whatever it is, you can’t change everything. Don’t bog yourself down worrying about things outside your control. Fix what you can, and leave the rest alone.”