Even though it was past midnight, I wasn’t all that sleepy. I looked at the notes I had scribbled after my meditation one more time, searching for something comforting. Goddesses were listed on the left side of the page, and words on the right. I scanned the list of goddesses, and my stomach sank as I recognized the names: Aphrodite, Pele, Kali, and Freya. On the other side of the page, I skimmed the words I recalled from my meditation: fire, lust, destruction, chaos, blood. My mouth felt dry as I stared at the list.
Each branch of magic taught at Trinity had a patron or patroness among the Pagan gods. Most of the instructors said it was old-fashioned to work with a patron, and that modern Witches could do magic with the aid of all the gods without swearing allegiance to any one god in particular, but Trinity still focused on the connection between the gods and the different kinds of magic. We had mostly studied the Greek gods, with Demeter and Dionysus in charge of Green magic, for example. I knew that other deities were associated with the three colors in some way, and I also knew that none of the goddesses on my list were linked with the three colors I was familiar with.
Aphrodite was the goddess of love in the Greek tradition, and she was famed for her short-tempered acts of vengeance when she was displeased. I swallowed, my eyes skimming the list again Despite Trinity’s focus on the Greek gods, we had covered other mythologies briefly, and I wracked my brain, trying to remember what I knew about the other names on my list.. Pele was a Polynesian goddess, but I didn’t remember much about her. Kali terrified me; the Hindu goddess symbolized blood lust and chaos. I didn’t know anything about the last name on my list, but Freya sounded like something Celtic. I would have to do more research on the four goddesses, and maybe then I’d understand a bit more about Red magic.
A soft knock at my bedroom door jolted me out of my reverie. I shoved my notebook under my bed before standing up to call, “Come in.”
My dad entered the room, carrying a stack of newspapers. I tensed and crossed my arms over my chest, waiting for him to berate me for coming in so late. Instead, he wore a strange expression that I couldn’t decipher.
“These were delivered. For your first lesson.” He extended the stack of papers to me as if they might burn him, and he wiped his hands on his jeans once the newspapers were handed off. Dad looked like he wanted to say more, but instead he walked back into the hall, shutting the door quietly behind him.
I looked down at the stack of newspapers in my arms. There was a yellow sticky note on top of the pile: “read these—look for chaos—lesson one.” The handwriting was spidery, and with a chill I felt certain that Hecate had been the one who delivered my homework. No wonder Dad had looked disturbed! Gingerly, I moved the stack of newspapers to one side. I didn’t want to deal with them tonight: between the meditation and the note from Hecate, I was starting to get a picture of Red magic, and it wasn’t one I liked. Exhausted, I fell into a deep sleep.
Chapter Four
Dinner the next night was a strained affair. I guess I could have stayed in my room. I always kept a stash of granola bars and dried fruit that I saved for whenever I can’t bear to be around my parents (plus, eating after doing magic is one of the quickest ways to bring you back to reality), but I felt like I owed it to them to at least pretend to be their normal daughter for a bit longer. Besides, I hadn’t really seen them since the day after Hecate’s visit, and sooner or later, Mom was bound to come looking for me.
Mom’s a vegetarian and she does the cooking, so I’ve grown up on tofu and lots of spices. Vegetarian food is great, but for some reason, I was craving a juicy, red steak. I’d never had a steak before, juicy or otherwise, so I thought this was pretty weird and didn’t say anything. I just tucked into the chana masala Mom served, keeping my mouth as full as I could to avoid talking.
I was sopping up the last of the spicy orange sauce with a piece of freshly baked flatbread when Dad cleared his throat. He set down his glass of wine and looked at me. Mom paused, her fingers twitching with anticipation, and I looked at them both, too nervous to swallow the food that sat on my tongue.
Instead of the lecture I was expecting, Dad reached his arms across the table, clasping my hand and Mom’s in his. Now was not when I would have expected Dad to start saying grace at the table. Besides, we were done with the meal. I looked at him curiously. Mom squeezed my other hand in hers, but didn’t speak.
“Darlena,” Dad began, “I know I may have sounded harsh yesterday. This—” He cleared his throat. “Your path has come as quite a shock to both your mother and me. However,”—he looked at Mom for a minute, and she nodded back at him gently—“we are your family. It is up to us to raise you, to shelter you, and to aid you, even in the face of something like this.” He was staring at me intently, and I forced a small smile. I still didn’t understand what Red magic entailed, but his words were the first real comfort I’d had since Hecate had appeared in the living room.
Mom began to speak. “There will be many things you can’t tell us, and many things we might not want to know. But you need to know that we will support you, and if our actions can ease this burden you now bear, we will do what we can. We love you, Darlena.” I looked at my beautiful mother, realizing that she suddenly looked years older than she should have. I suppressed the feeling of guilt that surged into my mind.
They both looked at me expectantly, and finally I asked the question that I had been struggling with. “Just what exactly have I chosen?”
They looked startled, so I hurried to explain. “I know I said I would practice Red magic.” At the word ‘Red’, my mother blanched and my father looked angry, but I pushed on firmly, “But I didn’t know what I was saying. I thought it didn’t exist, but everyone seems to believe otherwise.”
Dad raised his eyebrow. “You swore to follow a path as a joke?”
I shook my head. “That’s not what I meant.”
“You just said you didn’t think it really existed. That sounds like some kind of ridiculous joke to me.” He crossed his arms and gave me the look. My dad had always been the disciplinarian, and his look could usually make me apologize for whatever he thought I’d done, but I resisted the urge.
“She was pressuring me! I didn’t know what I wanted; I still don’t.” I looked down, fiddling with the tablecloth. “I guess I thought that if I pledged to an imaginary path, everyone would back off for a while.”
Mom looked stunned. “What do you mean, everyone?”
I didn’t look up. “Ever since my birthday, it seems like everyone has been on my case about my stupid path.”
“It’s important, Lena. Your path is your future.” Mom touched my cheek, and I looked up into her concerned eyes.
“But I don’t even get why we have to pick our paths, anyway. Can’t I just practice magic and not worry about the color?”
Dad exhaled through his teeth. “That’s a childish thing to say.”
Mom shot him an inscrutable look. “Either way, her choice has been made.”
I swallowed my irritation at Dad. They seemed to know more about what was going on than I did, and right now, I needed all the help I could get. “I don’t know anything about any magic but the Trinity paths. I’m scared. Should I be?”
Dad nodded, and my heart sank. “The path you have pledged is challenging.”
“And dangerous,” Mom whispered.
“It is dangerous,” Dad echoed, “to others and to yourself.”
Confused, I looked at both of them, searching for answers. It was Mom who began to speak.
“The magic you will practice is ancient. And powerful. There is so much about it that is unknown, and so much more that seems like half-remembered myth. I don’t know enough to teach you anything.” Her face looked defeated, and I felt small and alone. My mother was brilliant and a skilled Witch; there had never been anything magical that she couldn’t explain to my satisfaction.