I felt my face twist in misery, and she went on: “We’ve all taken it bad. Well, there was no one like her. Never was and never will be. She was one on her own. But it’s gone and we’ve got to try to forget. But … what wouldn’t I give to have her back. Come to my room and we’ll have a little chat. Jane, tell Carrie to bring up some of that special wine and the biscuits to go with it. I baked a fresh batch of them only this morning.”
I felt I should not have come. It was too painful. Every part of the house reminded me.
We sat in her room and she said: “How are you getting on with Mr. Charlie?”
“Oh, there’s a beautiful house, but I am not sure whether I shall be staying there. I have to make plans, you see.”
“We were hoping you’d be coming back.”
“It isn’t my house now, Mrs. Crimp.”
“Well, Monsewer Robber wouldn’t mind. He’s an easygoing gentleman. Not here much. It’s a funny sort of arrangement. Here we are, qualified butler and housekeeper, and no one to buttle and housekeep for. Different from the old days. My goodness, the comings and goings then. Now Monsewer Robber looks in for a while and that’s all. Gives us a free hand to keep the place going. I reckon he’d be glad if you came back to us, Miss Noelle. He was here two weeks ago. Wanted to know if you’d been back. I think he’d like you to make use of the place. That Miss Fennell seems to have made it her home.”
“Is she getting on all right?”
“She’s in that Rags and Tatters. It’s not doing bad, they say … and it’s not doing so well. How could it without … ? Miss Fennell’s pleased with herself. We hear her often practising the songs. She’s always saying she’s going to get a place of her own … but I suppose this is convenient and free … so you can’t blame her. We like to have someone about the place. It makes it a bit more lively. Monsewer Robber doesn’t mind. I think he’d rather there was someone here from the old days.”
“Is Miss Fennell here now?”
“No. She’s popped out for a bit. She’ll be pleased to hear you called. I’d have thought you might have stayed here. I’d have your room ready in a jiff. The place is all the same. Her rooms are not touched. Monsewer Robber didn’t want them to be. When he comes here he goes to her room and stays there quite a bit. I really get worried about him. He was so fond of her.”
“I know.”
“You’re not thinking of coming back?”
“My plans are rather uncertain at the moment.”
“We’d like to have you here,” she said wistfully. “I was saying to Mr. Crimp only the other day, I said, ‘If Miss Noelle came back, it would be a little like the old days.’ “
“People can’t go back, Mrs. Crimp.”
“That’s a fact, if ever there was one. Mr. Crimp and me … we get really down sometimes thinking of the old days. There was always something going on … that Mr. Charlie and that Mr. Robber and them all popping in, and as for that Dolly … he was a regular caution. Then there was that Martha Gee. She was a real old battle-axe, she was.”
I drank a glass of wine and complimented her on her biscuits, remembering how she had always loved receiving compliments.
“It’s like the old days, sitting here talking to you, Miss Noelle,” she told me. “You’ll have to have a word with Jane and Carrie. We don’t have a carriage now. No use for it. We’re a small household. Monsewer Robber would be so pleased if you was to come back. We understood he took the house so that you could use it. Now it seems he’s done it all for that Miss Fennell. That’s all very well, but she’s not the family, is she? Mr. Crimp and me … we’re always hoping you’ll come back.”
There was a pleading note in her voice, and I said: “I can’t say anything at the moment, Mrs. Crimp. I have to see how things go.”
“You like it in the country with that Mr. Charlie’s family, do you?”
“Well … it’s not my home, you see …”
“You’d be better with us. Oh, I know there’s all this to remind you. Every day something comes to me and I say, this is where she did this … or that. There’s no getting away from it. But I wouldn’t want to go away. I like to be in the old place, even though it’s so different without her.”
“I understand what you mean. I like to be here … and on the other hand there are all the memories to remind me.”
We sat in silence for a few moments thinking of her, then I said I would go.
“Just have a word with Jane and Carrie … and would you like to look at her rooms? Maybe not. Perhaps later. As I said, they’re all kept as they were. Monsewer Robber’s orders. When he comes here he goes up there. He even sleeps in her bedroom sometimes. He’s a funny man, that Monsewer Robber. Well, he’s a foreigner. He’s not like Mr. Charlie. You know where you stand with him.”
I had a talk with Jane and Carrie and I was gratified, for they showed as clearly as Mrs. Crimp had that they were delighted to see me.
How different from Lady Constance!
Perhaps I should come back … for a short while at least. Would it help me to sort out my life back in that house where her presence permeated the household so strongly?
I steeled myself to go to her rooms. They were just as she had left them. Her clothes were hanging in the wardrobe: I could smell her perfume still. It was almost as though she lingered on … reluctant to go.
In those rooms I could feel that she was somewhere close, looking down on me, caring for me, trying to guide me in the way I should go.
It was late afternoon when I returned to Charlie’s house. I felt emotionally drained and a little comforted.
I had not been in the house half an hour when I was told that there was a visitor for me in the drawing room.
I went downstairs. There was Lisa Fennell.
She looked well and prosperous.
She took both my hands and kissed them.
“They told me you had been,” she said.
“It was so good to see them.”
“I wished I had been at home. As soon as I heard you had called, I came right over. I can’t stay. I have to get to the theatre, but I had to see you first. How long will you be in London?”
“I only came for a day or so but I may stay longer.”
“Oh, you must. Noelle, how are you … really?”
“I’m all right, thanks. And you?”
“All right. It has been awful … I can’t forget. You’re better with Charlie.”
“He is going to be away for a few weeks.”
“And what about … ?”
“Roderick? Oh, he’s at Leverson Manor, of course. It’s a vast estate. Roderick and Charlie have to spend a lot of time on it.”
“I daresay they do. I suppose you and Roderick see a lot of each other?”
“Yes. He’s been teaching me to ride. I shall soon be proficient, he tells me.”
“That must be interesting. And Charlie, of course, is a dear man. And his wife … ?”
“Oh yes, Lady Constance.”
“I expect you get along well with her.”
“She is rather formal.”
She nodded, sensing the meaning in my words.
I said quickly: “But tell me, Lisa, how are you getting on?”
“I can’t grumble. It’s good to be working.”
“I heard. In Rags and Tatters. What sort of a show is it?”
“The usual song-and-dance affair.”
“And all is going well?”
“Not badly. Front row of the chorus, and what do you think? Dolly has made me understudy to Lottie Langdon.”
“That’s good, is it not?”
“I think so. I shall never cease to be grateful. I owe everything to your mother.”
“Well, she made Dolly take you in in the first place.”