In the midst of all this excitement, Charlie returned.
He was delighted to hear about the discovery, and I was looking forward to telling him the news about Roderick and myself.
That night remains clear in my memory.
We were at dinner, and the main topic of conversation was the temple of Neptune.
“Which,” said Roderick, “means that our site here could prove to be one of the most interesting in the country.”
“That might well be,” said Charlie. “How did they come to find out what was down there?”
“Of course, you haven’t heard,” said Lady Constance. “There was an accident.”
Charlie looked from one to the other of us in concern.
“An accident,” he repeated.
“It’s all over now,” said Lady Constance. “And all this has come out of it. If we hadn’t fallen, Neptune and his temple might never have seen the light of modern day.”
We gave Charlie a brief account of what had happened. He was dismayed.
“What a lot has happened since I have been away,” he said. “Thank God you are all right.”
“The temple was helpful,” I explained. “You see, we fell into it, which probably saved us from being buried in all that loose earth.”
“There is something else,” said Roderick. He was looking at me and smiling.
“Well?” said Charlie.
“Noelle and I have decided … well, we are going to be married.”
I was watching Charlie closely. I saw his face frozen for a moment, and then it seemed as though an expression of dismay crossed his face. I was amazed. I had expected him to be delighted.
I immediately thought: He is worried about Lady Constance. I wanted to tell him that he had no need to be.
He smiled, but I fancied it was a forced smile.
“Oh,” he said. “I see.”
Lady Constance put in: “We don’t want there to be any delay.”
“You … seem pleased,” said Charlie.
“I am,” replied Lady Constance firmly. “Very.”
“I … I see,” said Charlie.
He was smiling. Of course he was pleased. After all, why should he not be?
It was about ten o’clock next morning. I was preparing to go out with Roderick, and we were to make our first call at the temple.
Gertie came to me. She said: “Mr. Claverham wants you to go to his study, miss.”
“Now?”
“Yes, miss. He said now.”
I went down immediately. I was surprised to see that Roderick was there.
Charlie said: “Come in, Noelle. Shut the door. I have something to say to you both. I am afraid this will come as a terrible shock to the two of you. I blame myself. I should have seen the possibility. I have been pondering all night as to what is the best thing to do, and I have come to the conclusion that the only thing is to tell you the truth. You have to know. There can be no marriage between you two. You, Noelle, are my daughter. Roderick is your brother.”
PARIS
At La Maison Grise
I was sitting in the train which was taking me to London. I was still reeling from the blow. When Charlie had told us, we had been too stunned to take in what it meant at first. With a few words he had shattered our dreams; the whole world was falling about us. We could only see our lives in ruins.
I do not know how I lived through the next few days. We talked. Was Charlie sure? All the time, he had known, he said. There had been no secrets between him and my mother.
“You should never have met,” he said. “I should have known better than to bring you down here. I am to blame. I thought Roderick would marry Fiona Vance. They seemed to have such interests in common. Your mother would have been so distressed if she knew what had happened. The last thing she wanted was to harm anyone … least of all you, Noelle. She loved you more than anyone. She always wanted what was best for you.”
There was no way out of the situation. Whichever way we looked, we came face to face with the impossibility. Then I saw that there was only one thing for me to do, and that was to go away.
Where could I go? What could I do?
There was my old home … Robert Bouchere’s now. I could go there for a while. He had told me I must always regard it as my home. I could stay there while I tried to make some sense of my life, to start again, to try to build something out of the ruins.
Charlie said: “You must let me look after you, Noelle. In view of our relationship, it is only right that I should do so. I shall make you an allowance.”
I was not listening. I could only think: I always wanted to know my father. Oh, Charlie, why did it have to be you!
Poor Charlie was deeply distressed. His infidelity towards his wife had lain heavily on his conscience, and now this. The sins of the fathers visited on the children. Both his children … Roderick and myself … must pay the cost of his sin.
He was a most unhappy man—as unhappy as we were.
I wrote to Mrs. Crimp and told her that I should be coming to stay until I made plans. What plans? I wondered.
I cannot bear to dwell on that time. Even now, I want to put it out of my mind. The death of my beloved mother, to be followed so soon by this dark tragedy, overwhelmed me.
I just wanted to go to my old room, to shut myself in, to pray for strength and the will and the power to pick up the shattered fragments of my life and try to rebuild something from it.
Through the familiar streets where I had ridden with her on our way back from the theatre … back to the house … the house of memories. Briefly, I had believed I had escaped from the clinging past … only to find that I had stumbled into a second tragedy as great as the first.
I knew I had to stop brooding on my misfortunes. Self-pity never helped anyone. I had to force myself to look around me, find an interest in something … anything to take me out of this melancholy into which I had fallen.
Mrs. Crimp welcomed me warmly.
“I’m right glad to see you, Miss Noelle, and so will Mr. Crimp be. Your room is ready … and you can have your dinner when you want it.”
“I don’t feel much like eating, Mrs. Crimp, thank you.”
“Something on a tray perhaps? Something you could have in your room?”
“That sounds nice.”
Lisa Fennell was coming down the stairs. She ran to me and embraced me.
“I was so thrilled when Mrs. Crimp told me you were coming,” she said. “How are you?” She was looking at me anxiously.
“Oh … all right,” I answered. “And you?”
“Fine! Let’s go to your room. Mrs. Crimp says it is ready.”
She was watching me intently, and when we reached my room, she said: “My poor Noelle. Something terrible has happened, hasn’t it? Is it … Charlie?”
I shook my head.
“Lady Constance has been difficult?”
“No … no.” I hesitated. Then I thought: She will have to know. It is better to tell her now.
I said: “Roderick and I were to be married.”
She opened her eyes wide, and I felt my lips tremble. “But,” I went on, “he is my brother, Lisa. My half brother. Charlie is my father.”