Francine was looking at me steadily. She sensed the alarm her admissions had aroused in me. For a moment I saw a certain softness come into her eyes.
She said, and there was sincerity in her voice: "I like you, Mistress Kate."
"Thank you, Francine." I was gratified, but very much afraid.
I did speak to Luke. I told him what Francine had said.
"Those two old women," he said. "One in her dotage and the other a wreck! How could they harm me?"
"They can talk. You see how it has come back to me, through Francine."
"That crazy child!"
"She is strange, I grant you, but they must have been talking of you. I have seen Margaret Galloway in conversation with Tom Crabber. There is a man I do not like. And you were talking very rashly when he overheard you."
Luke was thoughtful. He realized the truth of that. I said: "Think of those men. They were our father's guests. There they were, laughing, talking, being merry with us all, and now . , . what are they? Rotting corpses, their heads doubtless on London Bridge, a warning to all men. Luke, please take that warning."
"My dear sister, I love you dearly, and I believe you are very fond of me, but ..."
"You are my brother. Let us not forget that. Promise me that you will heed this warning. We have enemies, Luke, here in this house. Those two women in that part of the house which they have made their own. Imagine them ... resentful ... unhappy. Blaming fate. What can it be like? Their only pleasure is in planning revenge on us."
"You take too much notice of that crazy child."
"I think I am rather grateful for the warning of that crazy child. I think we should remember the times we live in. They are dangerous indeed."
The new year would soon be with us. Christobel's baby was due in July, a month after my eighteenth birthday.
My father had not suggested that Luke and I should accompany him to London after that first visit, although he himself went frequently.
I was happy enough, although Luke would have liked to go.
Occasionally Sebastian went with my father. He was known everywhere, of course, as the heir of Rosslyn Manor. I wondered that he had not married by this time, but perhaps he was too lazy to bestir himself. He seemed very content with life as it was.
Kirk well was working very hard and, Christobel told me, with good results. James, who knew of such matters, said that Featherston had taken a new lease on life and was becoming as it had been in its most prosperous days. Kirkwell had worked wonders and many of the neighboring squires had said they found it hard to believe. James declared he had not. He had known from the start that Kirkwell's hard work would show results.
I often called at Featherston and when she was feeling well enough Christobel accompanied me, but on this occasion I went alone.
I found Kirkwell in his office, where he spent a great deal of time. He now had several men working for him, which meant that he had more free time to spare.
His face brightened when he saw me. It was always a pleasure to see, for he showed so clearly how delighted he was to see me.
"Come along in, Kate," he said. "For so long I have wanted to talk to you alone. It is not always easy to find you alone, and when I do ... I wonder ... if it is time. But I can wait no longer. You know I love you, that I always have. We've seen how happy Christobel and James are. Well, I want that happiness for us. Kate, I want you to marry me."
I was not really taken aback, but I seemed so. I knew that he loved me. He had told me so a long time ago and it had always been clear to me. And I loved him. But for some reason I was dismayed. I did not want to change anything yet. It was foolish of me, I suppose. It was not that I did not love him. I did. It was just that I did not want change.
He was looking startled. He said: "Why, Kate ... I thought you cared for me."
"I do. Kirk, I really do. It is just that ..." I stopped, for I could not explain.
"You are not ... surprised?"
"Well, not exactly. But I felt that : .. well, that is for later."
"You will soon be eighteen, Kate, not a child any longer."
"I know. But things have happened suddenly ... coming here ... the change of it all. And then all this trouble about the Plot and all that."
"That is not our concern, Kate."
"But it is the concern of us all."
"It makes no difference to our loving each other."
"I think that perhaps I am not ready yet, Kirk. I hadn't expected it yet. I think perhaps in a few months' time ..."
He looked faintly relieved and I clung to this idea. I could not bear to see him look hurt. Surely that was a sign that I loved him?
"Yes," I said. "That is it. I just want time."
"But I thought you knew ..."
"I did, and I love you, Kirk. I'm sure of that. It is just ... Could we leave it for a little, just a little while? I just feel ... not ready."
"Well, if that is what you wish."
"I wish I could make you understand."
"I think I do."
"Oh, Kirk, Kirk. Please do. It will be all right in the end, I'm sure. It's just that for the time being I just want things to go on as they are. Only for a little while. I want to think about it all."
"This place is going to grow prosperous, Kate. You won't be ashamed of it."
"Oh, Kirk, as if I should. As if it were important. If you had a little cottage it would make no difference."
"I wanted to make sure that I could get things right here before I asked you."
"That is of no moment."
"It is of the utmost importance."
"No, Kirk ... Oh, Kirk, I do love you. I was thinking of that terrible time when you hid in the Devil's Tower. Do you remember? If you could know how I felt when I used to make my way there."
"I never forget that time."
"I shiver now at the thought."
"Your coming to me like that was wonderful."
"They all came, did they not? Christobel, James, Luke, all of them."
"And you came too. That was the best time. I remember your little face so anxious, and I was almost glad to be there because of that. I thought you must love me. But now ..."
"Of course I love you. It is just that I want to wait. Say on my eighteenth birthday. It is not long now, as you say. Suppose we announce it then."
"Do you mean that?"
"Yes ... I think I do."
It must be, I told myself, because I was thinking of him now as he had been in the Devil's Tower and of my anguish at the time because I feared that he was in danger.
I had ridden over to Christobel. I did not tell her that her brother had proposed marriage to me. She would have been delighted, I knew, but I should never have been able to explain to her my feelings. She would have laughed them to scorn. But how can we explain our innermost thoughts? Well, more than thoughts, really: it was a kind of instinct, something which said no, no, wait.
When I returned to Rosslyn Manor, I left my horse in the stables and was walking into the house when I met my father.
"Is all well?" he said.
"Thank you, yes," I replied.
"I thought you looked a little ... distrait."
"Oh, did you?"
"You have something on your mind, have you not?"
I hesitated too long, and he said: "So, you have."
As we crossed the hall, he took my arm and drew me into that little room which he used as his study.
"You shall tell me all about it," he said.
I was nonplussed. He was the last person to whom I could have explained my innermost thoughts. I was quite fond of him, but we were scarcely close.
He looked at me steadily, and then said: "Come ... tell me."
I found myself saying: "I have had a proposal of marriage."
The change in his expression surprised me.