As she reached the fire, the person stood up, and she saw that it was Nikanj. There was no sign of anyone else.
Lilith dropped her basket and ran the last few steps into camp. "Where are they?" she demanded. "Why didn't someone come to find me?"
"Your friend Tate says she's sorry for the way she behaved," Nikanj told her. "She wanted to talk to you, says she would have done it within the next few days. As it happened, she didn't have a few more days here."
"Where is she?"
"Kahguyaht has enhanced her memory as I have yours. It thinks that will help her survive on Earth and help the other humans."
"But. . ." She stepped closer to it, shaking her head. "But what about me? I did all you asked. I didn't hurt anyone. Why am I still here!"
"To save your life." It took her hand. "I was called away today to hear the threats that had been made against you. I had already heard most of them. Lilith, you would have wound up like Joseph."
She shook her head. No one had threatened her directly. Most people were afraid of her.
"You would have died," Nikanj repeated. "Because they can't kill us, they would have killed you."
She cursed it, refusing to believe, yet on another level, believing, knowing. She blamed it and hated it and wept.
"You could have waited!" she said finally. "You could have called me back before they left."
"I'm sorry," it said.
"Why didn't you call me? Why?"
It knotted its head and body tentacles in distress. "You could have reacted very badly. With your strength, you could have injured or killed someone. You could have earned a place alongside Curt." It relaxed the knots and let its tentacles hang limp. "Joseph is gone. I didn't want to risk losing you too."
And she could not go on hating it. Its words reminded her too much of her own thoughts when she lay down to help it in spite of what other humans might think of her. She went to one of the cut logs that served as benches around the fire and sat down.
"How long do I have to stay here?" she whispered. "Do they ever let the Judas goat go?"
It sat beside her awkwardly, wanting to fold itself onto the log, but not finding enough room to balance there.
"Your people will escape us as soon as they reach Earth," it told her. "You know that. You encouraged them to do it-and of course, we expected it. We'll tell them to take what they want of their equipment and go. Otherwise they might run away with less than they need to live. And we'll tell them they're welcome to come back to us. All of them. Any of them. Whenever they like."
Lilith sighed. "Heaven help anyone who tries."
"You think it would be a mistake to tell them?"
"Why bother asking me what I think?"
"I want to know."
She stared into the fire, got up and pulled a small log onto it. She would not do this again soon. She would not see fire or collect inga and palm fruit or catch a fish...
"Lilith?"
"Do you want them to come back?"
"They will come back eventually. They must."
"Unless they kill one another."
Silence.
"Why must they come back?" she asked.
It turned its face away.
"They can't even touch one another, the men and the women. Is that it?"
"That will pass when they've been away from us for a while. But it won't matter."
"Why not?"
"They need us now. They won't have children without us. Human sperm and egg will not unite without us."
She thought about that for a moment, then shook her head. "And what kind of children would they have with you?"
"You haven't answered," it said.
"What?"
"Shall we tell them they can come back to us?"
"No. And don't be too obvious about helping them get away either. Let them decide for themselves what they'll do. Otherwise people who decide later to come back will seem to be obeying you, betraying their humanity for you. That could get them killed. You won't get many back, anyway. Some will think the human species deserves at least a clean death."
"Is it an unclean thing that we want, Lilith?"
"Yes!"
"Is it an unclean thing that I have made you pregnant?"
She did not understand the words at first. It was as though it had begun speaking a language she did not know.
"You... what?"
"I have made you pregnant with Joseph's child. I wouldn't have done it so soon, but I wanted to use his seed, not a print. I could not make you closely enough related to a child mixed from a print. And there's a limit to how long I can keep sperm alive."
She was staring at it, speechless. It was speaking as casually as though discussing the weather. She got up, would have backed away from it, but it caught her by both wrists.
She made a violent effort to break away, realized at once that she could not break its grip. "You said-" She ran out of breath and had to start again. "You said you wouldn't do this. You said-"
"I said not until you were ready."
"I'm not ready! I'll never be ready!"
"You're ready now to have Joseph's child. Joseph's daughter."
"... daughter?"
"I mixed a girl to be a companion for you. You've been very lonely."
"Thanks to you!"
"Yes. But a daughter will be a companion for a long time."
"It won't be a daughter." She pulled again at her arms, but it would not let her go. "It will be a thing-not human." She stared down at her own body in horror. "It's inside me, and it isn't human!"
Nikanj drew her closer, looped a sensory arm around her throat. She thought it would inject something into her and make her lose consciousness. She waited almost eager for the darkness.
But Nikanj only drew her down to the log bench again. "You'll have a daughter," it said. "And you are ready to be her mother. You could never have said so. Just as Joseph could never have invited me into his bed-no matter how much he wanted me there. Nothing about you but your words reject this child."
"But it won't be human," she whispered. "It will be a thing. A monster."
"You shouldn't begin to lie to yourself. It's a deadly habit. The child will be yours and Joseph's, Ajahas' and Dichaan's. And because I've mixed it, shaped it, seen that it will be beautiful and without deadly conflicts, it will be mine. It will be my first child, Lilith. First to be born, at least. Ahajas is also pregnant."
"Ahajas?" When had it found the time? It had been everywhere.
"Yes. You and Joseph are parents to her child as well." It used its free sensory arm to turn her head to face it. The child that comes from your body will look like you and Joseph."
"I don't believe you!"
"The differences will be hidden until metamorphosis."
"Oh god. That too."
"The child born to you and the child born to Ahajas will be siblings."
"The others won't come back for this," she said. "I wouldn't have come back for it."
"Our children will be better than either of us," it continued. "We will moderate your hierarchical problems and you will lessen our physical limitations. Our children won't destroy themselves in a war, and if they need to regrow a limb or to change themselves in some other way they'll be able to do it. And there will be other benefits."
"But they won't be human," Lilith said. "That's what matters. You can't understand, but that is what matters."
Its tentacles knotted. "The child inside you matters." It released her arms, and her hands clutched uselessly at one another.
"This will destroy us," she whispered. "My god, no wonder you wouldn't let me leave with the others."
"You'll leave when I do-you, Ahajas, Dichaan, and our children. We have work to do here before we leave." It stood up. "We'll go home now. Ahajas and Dichaan are waiting for us."
Home? She thought bitterly. When had she last had a true home? When could she hope to have one. "Let me stay here," she said. It would refuse. She knew it would. "This is as close to Earth as it seems you'll let me come."
"You can come back here with the next group of humans. Come home now."