Her eyes went wide. Her heart sank. How could he know?
“Don’t be mad at me. I tried. Believe me, I tried. He wouldn’t listen.”
Jenny could breathe again.
“I told Danny I was going to get you when my shift was up, and he exploded on me. He said it was more important that you got your sleep. Then you came in last night all upset. You looked like you really needed the sleep. So… so I let you fall asleep and brought you back in here. I’m sorry. I mean, I know you really wanted to do it, but…”
“It’s not your fault, Matt.” She couldn’t help but smile with relief.
“It seems like you’re feeling better.” The weight of his arm fell across her waist. “What happened last night?”
His eyes showed concern, but the pressure she felt in her chest from just the thought of him already knowing, gave her the answer. There was no way she could let him know yet. “I—” She tried to think of something, anything to tell him before the tears forced their way out. “I just… You know how sometimes these houses—the ones that aren’t completely torn apart—you know how they get to me. I don’t know. Every time— I can’t help but feel normal again.” A few tears came, but for much different reasons than her words shared. Matt dabbed them away with his thumb. “Seeing this bedroom last night. Reading this stupid—” She took the diary from the nightstand and flopped it down on the comforter.
“What’s that?” He took it, flicked through the pages, and chuckled once it became evident what she had been looking at. “You really can’t help yourself from other people’s business, can you?”
Jenny’s face dropped, displaying very little tolerance for any sort of lecture this morning.
“I know…” His wounded voice trailed. He sighed then tried for a kiss, but Jenny drew her head back. Matt rolled his eyes and huffed, “I’m sorry, okay? All I’m saying is that you shouldn’t do that to yourself if it upsets you this much. I don’t like to see you hurt. It’s good to have hope, but don’t get carried away with it. You’ll just let yourself down. There’s already enough out there to worry about without building yourself up with the impossible.”
“I can’t help it. It’s a connection to life before all this shit. Sometimes… Sometimes, I need to feel normal again.”
“But it makes you sad, and then I have to deal—”
Jenny gave him a look. “You can’t help yourself this morning, huh?”
“What?!”
She yanked the pillow from behind his head and crammed it over his face. “Much better.”
Matt tossed the pillow aside and reached to stop her as she slid from beneath the comforter. “I was only teasing.”
“Sure you were,” she said over her shoulder, keeping her back to him while taking her boots from beside the bed and sliding them on.
“Where you going?” His hand still pawing for her.
“Checking on why Danny’s so hellbent on keeping me from doing anything to help the group.”
“He said he’d—”
But Jenny wasn’t interested in the rest of what Matt had to say—the closed door ensured she wouldn’t have to hear it.
Softly, she padded into the front room doing her best not to disturb the welcomed peace of morning. To her right, Danny sat atop the ledge of the bay window. His attention caught between the street and the disassembled pistol he had sitting in his lap—the rifle stood propped against the window frame, ready at hand. It seemed he hadn’t noticed her staring at him, his hands and eyes too busy. Sherman, however, did, hopping down from the couch which braced the front door. She knelt, and he was only too eager to say good morning. Yawning, he stretched back onto his haunches, curling his claws into the carpet.
“How’d you sleep?” Danny finally broke his gaze from the window. “Did you get enough?”
“I told you to let me take watch.” She didn’t even bother to look at him, instead, burying her face into Sherman’s muzzle, embracing his wet nose. “I’m part of this team too. I’m not different from Matt, except I actually train with you outside of these scouts.”
“It looked like you could use some sleep.” He smiled at her when she finally turned toward him. “You’ve been tired lately—dragging ass around town.” The words were stirred by his laughter.
“I have not.” She stood bolt upright. “I’ve kept up this—”
“Look!” Danny threw his hand up and got down from the window ledge “I’m not trying to argue with you. I tried to keep it light with a joke here and there, but truth is, you’ve been slipping.”
“Danny…” Two steps toward him.
“This isn’t a discussion! My team! My rules!” A redness began to fill his cheeks. “If you don’t like it, you can stay grounded. Stay at the Depot all day and do the shit you said you hated.”
“But…” Jenny started. Danny’s glare stiffened. She had seen it before. More times than she’d like to admit. Thinking better of complaining further, she let it go.
“Here, look.” He gestured to the food he had put out on the kitchen counter earlier. “Not a lot left in the house, but you need to take first. Take all you can eat. Me and Matt’ll have whatever’s left.”
“But—”
He only had to raise his eyebrows and Jenny ambled off toward the kitchen in silence, Sherman traipsing after her.
“Platz!” Danny commanded. “Greedy boy. You’ll get yours.”
Danny’s eyes followed her into the kitchen, still scowling at her, daring her to make another remark. He’s really on a tear this morning. I wonder what crawled up his butt. She began sorting through the food. “Thanks,” she muttered. Only a few things were expired, but she’d learned those dates meant very little. They were more of a… suggestion now.
If she was being completely honest, nothing sitting before her appeared particularly appetizing despite the void in her stomach begging Jenny to rip into all of it—everything—all the canned foods, chips, the torn box of granola bars. They hadn’t eaten since yesterday afternoon, and the more she thought about it, the more her mouth began to water. Her hunger began to take over. You are eating for two now. It tried to convince her. She took a deep breath, trying to rationalize with her appetite that she couldn’t take it all.
“Go on, eat!” Danny urged.
Go on, leave me alone. She didn’t need any coaxing. Forcing a smile, Jenny turned back toward him, but he had diverted his eyes, his hands now busily clinking the metal pieces of the pistol back together.
Why’s he doing this? He’s been treating me differently. When the hell did Matt become his favorite? She shoved a granola bar into her mouth then cordoned off the rest of what she felt appropriate. I’m tired of people being so damn protective. I thought Matt was bad enough, but now Danny’s getting so much worse. Telling me what I need to eat. When I need to eat. What the hell? She peered over her shoulder, his hands still tinkering away. It’s only going to get worse once they find out. I should probably keep—
“Jenny.”
Turning, she mumbled through the remaining bite of her granola bar, “What?”
“Here.” He wiped the pistol down with a dish rag then fed a round into the chamber. “You’re right about some things. Not a lot of things,” he emphasized, “but some. I’ll give you that, but you better not start getting a big head.” He flashed her some teeth. “You train hard. You do. Despite your slipping lately, you deserve this.” Grip forward, slide in his hand, he offered over the pistol. “Overall, you do good out here. Whatever you’re going through,”—he winked—“we’ll get through it, right?”
“Sure…” Her reply drifted off as she removed the magazine and expelled the round from the chamber. “Wait, this isn’t one of yours. Where’d you get this thing?”