She pursed her lips, then smiled again. "I think you want to hear me out," she said. "This is your dream, after all. If you truly wished me to begone, don't you think you could make it so?"
"Maybe it's the hot tub," I suggested.
"I saw that you'd never experienced one," Lasciel said. She dipped a toe into the pool and smiled. "I have, often. Do you like it?"
"It's okay," I said, and tried to look like I didn't think it was just about the nicest thing ever for an aching and tired body. "You know what I know, eh?"
"I exist within your mind," she said. "I see what you see. Feel what you feel. I learn what you learn-and quite a bit more besides."
"What is that supposed to mean?" I said.
"That I can do you a great deal of good," she said. "I have the knowledge and memory of two thousand years of life upon this world, and infinite thousands outside it. I know many things that could be of use to you. I can advise you. Teach you secrets of your craft never known to mortalkind. Show you sights no human has ever seen. Share with you memory and image beyond anything you could imagine."
"By any chance does all of this knowledge and power and good advice come for only three easy installments of nineteen ninety-five plus shipping and handling?"
The fallen angel arched a golden brow at me.
"Or maybe it comes with a bonus set of knives tough enough to saw through a nail, yet still cut tomatoes like this."
She regarded me steadily and said, "You aren't nearly as funny as you think you are."
"I had to come up with some kind of response to your offer to corrupt and enslave me. Bad jokes seemed perfectly appropriate, because I can only assume that you've got to be kidding."
Lasciel pursed her lips, a thoughtful expression. It made me start thinking about how soft her mouth looked, for example. "Is that what you think I want? A slave?"
"I got a look at how you guys work," I said.
"You're referring to Ursiel's previous host, yes?"
"Yes. He was insane. Broken. I'm not eager to give it a whirl for myself."
Lasciel rolled her eyes. "Oh, please. Ursiel is a mindless thug. He doesn't care what happens to the holder of his coin, provided he gets to taste blood as often as possible. I don't operate that way."
"Sure you don't."
She shrugged. "Your derision will not unmake the truth. Some of my kindred prefer domination in their relationships with mortals. The wiser among us, though, find a mutual partnership to be much more practical, and beneficial for both parties. You saw something of how Nicodemus functions with Anduriel, did you not?"
"No offense, but I would shove a sharpened length of rebar into one ear and out the other if I thought I was going to turn into anything like Nicodemus."
Her expression registered surprise. "Why?"
"Because he's a monster," I said.
Lasciel shook her head. "Perhaps from your perspective. But you know very little of him and his goals."
"I know he did his damnedest, literally, to kill me and two of my friends, and God knows how many innocent people with that plague. And he did kill another friend."
"What is your point?" Lasciel asked. She seemed genuinely confused.
"The point is that he crossed the line, and I'm never going to play on his team. He doesn't get understanding or sympathy anymore. Not from me. He's got payback coming."
"You wish to destroy him?"
"In a perfect world he would vanish off the face of the earth and I would never hear of him again," I said. "But I'll take whatever I can get."
She absorbed that for a few moments, and then nodded slowly. "Very well," she said. "I will depart. But let me leave you with a thought?"
"As long as you leave."
She smiled, rising. "I understand your refusal to allow another to control your life. It's a poisonous, repugnant notion to think of someone who would dictate your every move, impose upon you a code of behavior you could not accept, and refuse to allow you choice, expression, and the pursuit of your own heart's purpose."
"Pretty much," I said.
The fallen angel smiled. "Then believe me when I say that I know precisely how you feel. All of the Fallen do."
A little cold spot formed in the pit of my stomach, despite the hot tub. I shifted uncomfortably in the water.
"We have that in common, wizard," Lasciel said. "You've no reason to believe me, but consider for a moment the possibility that I am sincere in my offer. I could do a great deal to help you-and you could continue to live your life on your own terms, and in accordance with your own values. I could help you be ten times the force for good that you already are."
"With that power, I should have power too great and terrible. And over me the Ring would gain a power still greater and more deadly," I said.
"Gandalf to Frodo," the demon said, smiling. "But I am not sure the metaphor is applicable. You needn't actually take up the coin, if it did not suit you to do so. The aid I can offer you in this shadow form is far more limited than if you took up the coin, but it is not inconsiderable."
"Ring, coin, whatever. The physical object is only a symbol in any case-a symbol for power."
"I merely offer you the benefit of my knowledge and experience," she said.
"Yes," I said. "Power. I've already got more than I'm comfortable with."
"Which is the foremost reason that you, of all people, are capable of wielding it responsibly."
"Maybe I am," I said. "Maybe not. I know how it works, Lasciel. The first taste is free. The price goes up down the line."
She watched me with luminous blue eyes.
"See, if I start leaning on you now, how long is it going to be before I decide that I need more of your help? How long before I start digging up the concrete in my lab because I think I need your coin in order to survive?"
"And?" she asked quietly. "If you do need it to survive?"
I sat in the swirling hot waters and sighed. Then I closed my eyes, made an effort of will, and reshaped the dream we stood within, so that the hot tub was gone and I stood dressed and facing her on a solid cavern floor. "If it comes to that, I hope I die with a little bit of style. Because I'm not going to sign on with Downbelow. Not even in hell's Foreign Legion."
"Fascinating," Lasciel said. She smiled at me.
My God, it was beautiful. It wasn't merely physical loveliness or the appearance of warmth. It was the whole sense of her, the vibrant, glowing life of the being before me, a life with energy enough to ignite a star. Seeing her smile was like watching the sun rise on the very first morning, like feeling the caress of the first breeze of the first spring. It made me want to laugh and run and spin around in it, like the sunny days of a childhood I could only dimly remember.
But I held myself back. Beauty can be dangerous, and fire, though lovely, can burn and kill when not treated with respect. I faced the fallen angel cautiously, my posture unthreatening but unbowed. I faced her beauty and felt the radiant warmth of her presence and held myself from reaching out for it.
"I'm not fascinating," I said. "I am what I am. It isn't perfect, but it's mine. I'm not making deals with you."
Lasciel nodded, her expression thoughtful. "You've been burned in bargains past, and you have no desire to repeat the experience. You are wary of dealing with me and those like me-and for good reason. I don't think I would have had any lasting respect for you, had you accepted my offer at face value-even though it is genuine."
"Gee. I would have felt crushed by your lack of respect."
She laughed with a lot of belly in it, genuinely pleased. "I admire your will. Your defiance. As something of a defiant being myself, I think we might forge a strong partnership, given time to develop it."