Dead Before Dying

“You’re the Fire,” she said without thinking and took a money bag. She opened her cash drawer and began taking out notes.

* * *

Joubert came back from the bank robbery and had to run to pick up the telephone in his office.

“Hold on for Dr. Perold, please.”

He waited.

“Captain?”

“Doctor?”

“I don’t have good news, Captain.”

Joubert’s stomach muscles contracted. He wondered whether the doctor was staring at the telephone now with eyes narrowed over his reading glasses. Joubert waited.

“Your cholesterol, Captain. I sent the report to your commanding officer but I want to speak to you as well.”

“Yes.”

“It’s high, Captain. Very high.”

“Is that bad?”

The doctor made a curious sound at the other end. “That’s an acceptable description of your condition, Captain. Combined with the smoking, the excessive weight, and the family history, yes, I would describe it as bad.”

Should he tell the doctor that he had begun swimming on Saturday mornings?

“We must put you on medication. And a diet. Immediately.”

Joubert sighed. “What must I do?”

* * *

He bought a collection of short stories,

The 1990 Hugo Award Winners,

and a novel by Spider Robinson, strongly recommended by Willy. Children were playing cricket in the street in front of his house. He had to wait until they moved the cardboard box that served as wickets before he could get into his driveway.

The morning’s swim had given him an appetite. There was a lonely tin of baked beans in tomato sauce in a corner of the cupboard. He wondered whether it was bad for cholesterol. Tomorrow the dietitian would be able to tell him. He took a Castle from the fridge. He had read somewhere that beer was full of healthy vitamins and minerals. He unscrewed the top, took the plastic holder with the cholesterol pills out of his jacket pocket, put a pill on his tongue, and swallowed it with a swig of beer. The beer was cold and made him shudder slightly. He walked to the living room. He sat down and lit a Special Mild. The cigarette didn't satisfy him. Maybe he should go back to Winstons, only smoke less. Or did smoke also have an effect on cholesterol? He dragged deeply at the cigarette but it made no difference. He opened the paperback at the first story, by Isaac Asimov.

There was a knock at the front door.

Joubert put the beer behind his chair and got up. He opened the front door.

Jerry Stoffberg stood on the stoop. And behind him Yvonne hovered.

“Evening, Mat.” Stoffberg wasn'’t as cheerful as usual.

Joubert knew why Stoffberg was there and he felt pressure building in his chest and for a moment wondered whether this was the first sign of a heart attack.

“Hello, Stoffs,” he said, his voice strained.

“May we come in, Mat?”

“Of course.” Joubert held the door for them. He noticed that the girl wouldn't meet his eyes and he knew what he had to say to Stoffberg. Nothing had happened. Stoffberg had to realize that. Up to that moment nothing had happened— yet.

They walked to the living room in silence. Joubert’s cigarette was still smoking in the ashtray.

“Do sit down,” he said but Stoffberg was already seated on the couch. His daughter sat down next to him as if she needed support. Joubert swallowed. The pressure in his chest increased.

“Mat, I’m sorry to bother you but an unfortunate thing has happened in our family.”

“Nothing happened,” said Joubert apprehensively and heavily swallowed the excess saliva in his mouth.

“Sorry?” Stoffberg obviously didn't understand. Joubert saw Yvonne frowning angrily at him.

“My sister’s brother-in-law died last night. In Benoni. Heart attack. At thirty-eight. In the prime of life. Tragic.” He looked at Joubert’s cigarette in the ashtray. “He also smoked heavily, you know.”

A light went on for Joubert. For the first time he understood Stoffberg’s present attitude. It was the man’s professional face. The undertaker on duty. The pressure in Joubert’s chest disappeared.

“I’m sorry to hear that.” Yvonne’s frown vanished.

“They want me to bury him, Mat.” Stoffberg was quiet for a moment. Joubert didn't know what to say. “It’s a great honor for me. Not a pleasant task. But an honor. The funeral is Wednesday. But we have a problem. I need your help, Mat.”

“I’ll do anything I can, Jerry,” he said feelingly.

“You see, Bonnie starts at the Technikon on Wednesday.” Stoffberg put his arm around his daughter and looked proudly at her. His voice lost some of its gravity. “Ja, Mat, pa’s baby has grown up. She’s going to study public relations.” Yvonne Stoffberg turned her face into her father’s shoulder like a little girl and smiled sweetly at Joubert.

Stoffberg’s voice regained its professionalism. “She can’t go with us, Mat. And all her friends are still on holiday. I can probably ask Mrs. Pretorius on the corner if she can stay with her, but that redheaded son of hers . . .”

Stoffberg pressed the palms of his hands together in a pleading gesture. “Then Bonnie suggested we come over and ask you whether she can stay here, Mat.”

He didn't realize immediately what Stoffberg was saying because he was considering the irony of Stoffberg’s apprehension about the redheaded boy. Stoffberg interpreted the silence as hesitation.

“You’re the only one we can trust, Mat. After all, you’re a policeman. And it’s only for a week. Bonnie said she could cook for you and keep house. And stay out of your way. It’s only in the evenings, really. During the day she’ll be at home. I’d really appreciate it, Mat.”

“Hell, Jerry . . .”

“Tell Uncle Mat you won’t be in his way, Bonnie.”

She said nothing. She merely smiled sweetly.

Joubert knew what his reply was going to be. But he fought for his integrity.

“I often work at night, Jerry . . .”

Stoffberg nodded in grave agreement. “I understand, Mat. But she’s quite grown up, after all.”

Joubert could think of no other excuse. “When are you leaving, Jerry? I’ll have to give her a key.”

“Tomorrow morning.” Yvonne Stoffberg spoke for the first time, her eyes chastely fixed on the carpet.

He gave her a brief glance, saw her looking up quickly and smiling at him. He looked back at Jerry Stoffberg but avoided the man’s eyes.

11.

The water was as smooth as glass. Again he was the only member of the business club swimming that morning. He dived in and began with a breaststroke, slowly. He was looking for his rhythm. He didn't know whether he would ever find that old rhythm again. It was too many Winstons and Castles ago. A lifetime.

He tired more easily than on the previous two occasions. At least he had an excuse, he thought. A night of tossing and turning. Of wrestling with his conscience, caught between desire and a heavy feeling of guilt.