"Is that why they didn't go all buggy and stuff like Merihem did? Because we didn't really kill them?"
"Yeah. Most higher order demons, like Merihem or Beleth, have the ability to walk among us unseen — to trick our eyes and minds into seeing them as human. They'll possess someone if it suits their purposes, but it's hardly a necessity. The foot soldiers don't have that kind of power. If they want to hide their demon natures, they're forced to take a human vessel. Of course, a human vessel is nowhere near as powerful as an actual demon, but the upside is, it makes the demon less vulnerable to attack — if they get bounced from their vessel, they just retreat to their physical selves. Merihem didn't have that luxury, and now he's gone for keeps — hence the big, messy exit."
Kate fell silent for a moment while she caught her breath. "So those people they — what's the word — inhabited?"
"Possessed."
"Right. Possessed. Those people they possessed — we killed them, though, right?"
"Sort of," I said. "I mean, it's complicated. See, when a demon takes a host, it's not like when I do. I was human once, so human is how I see myself. If I remake a vessel in my image, I'm just rearranging their thoughts, the occasional mannerism — and even then, it takes time. When a demon possesses someone, they have a tendency to warp that person in their image. To some extent, they can't help it, although many use it to their advantage, as our friends back there did — they bring with them their strength, their speed, their everything, until not much of the host being remains. Those guys back there warped those bodies faster than I'd ever seen. Even if we had the time for an exorcism — which we didn't — I doubt they would have survived."
"So what does that mean about me? How'd the demon that killed my family change me?"
I sat up and looked at her, unsure of how to respond. After a moment's reflection, I decided to tell Kate the truth. "I don't know."
She seemed to turn my answer over in her mind as if inspecting it, and then she nodded. "So where are their physical selves? Where do they go, when you expel them from their vessels?"
"I have no idea. Hell's a big place."
"I thought you said that this was hell."
"For me, it is. For others, as well. But hell's not just this island, this city, this planet; it's everywhere, just a hair's breadth away from the 'reality' you see. You ask me, that gives them plenty of latitude to hide."
"Can they come back?"
I nodded. "All we did was slow 'em down."
"Well, then," Kate said, climbing to her feet and extending a helping hand to me, "what do you say to not being here when they do?"
We emerged from the station at the corner of Lexington and Sixtieth. Overhead, the gray sky deepened toward black as evening settled over the city. Sirens wailed in the distance — in response to the train wreck, no doubt. The midtown traffic must've slowed them up, though, because so far, they were nowhere to be seen. My thoughts turned to the hulking mass of twisted metal that sat burning beneath our feet, and the people doubtless trapped within it. I pushed those thoughts aside. There was nothing I could do for them. And if I failed to keep Kate safe, there was nothing I could do for anybody.
"Come on, we've gotta get moving." I took Kate by the arm, and led her away from the station. But just a few steps later, I stopped cold.
The squat storefront of Mulgheney's sat huddled before me, spilling neon red across the sidewalk like the last sixty years had never happened. Actually, that wasn't quite true: you could see those years in the film of grime that coated the storefront windows, in the dulling of its chromed marquee; a few feet above the door, an ancient air conditioner — not yet present when I'd last laid eyes on the place — dripped rust down the transom below. But all of that was swept away by the wave of remembrance that washed over me. The reek of the place, all cigarettes and whiskey and cheap cologne. The heady mix of lust and greed, of sin, that I'd mistaken for good cheer, for the promise of a better life for me and Elizabeth both.
No. Looking back, that wasn't true. I hadn't mistaken it for anything. Even then, I'd known better. Somewhere, deep down, I'd known exactly what it was that I'd so blithely bargained away. After all, I know better than anyone that's the way these bargains work. If the mark doesn't understand the stakes, then the deal is null and void.
So yeah, I'd known. I'd known it all along. And if I had the chance to do it all again, I'd probably play it the same. Guess I'm not one for learning my lesson.
As I stood there, staring at the place, a shiver coursed down my spine. A bead of sweat trickled down my side. Kate peered at me with concern. "You OK?" she asked.
"Just a shiver," I told her. She put an arm around my shoulder and gave it a squeeze. Then, the sound of sirens growing ever louder, we set off down the street.
"Sam, what are you doing here?"
I looked at Elizabeth, clad in darkness, rubbing the sleep from her eyes with balled fists. But for the occasional snore from her fellow patients — each separated from one another by curtains that extended outward from the walls — the ward was quiet, and the nurses' station was empty and unlit. The only illumination came from the window at the end of the long shared room: city lights reflected cold and brittle off the walls, the linens, the floors. But even in the dark, her expression wasn't hard to read. Liz was frightened. Frightened and suspicious.
"I don't know. I–I just had to see you. To make sure you were OK."
"It must be three in the morning!" she whispered. "People here are trying to sleep!"
"I know," I said. "I'm sorry." Actually, it was closer to four. I'd been walking the streets of the city since Battery Park, since Dumas, trying to wrap my head around what I'd done, but it was no use. I'd never taken a life before — hadn't thought myself capable — and it was just too much for me to deal with on my own. I didn't know at the time that I was coming here, at least not consciously. But while my thoughts went round and round, my feet had other plans. So here I stood. Broken. Trembling. Wanting nothing more than for her to tell me everything would be OK.
But Liz was having none of that. She clicked on her bedside lamp, looked me up and down. My eyes were red and swollen, and my cheeks stung from the salt of drying tears. My clothes were peppered with blood. Gunpowder burns had seared the flesh of my right hand, although the damage was hard to see, because try though I might, I couldn't stop my hands from shaking. She said, "Jesus, Sam, what happened to you?"
"Nothing — it's not important."
"The hell it's not! I haven't heard from you in days, and now you show up in the dead of night, looking like some kind of crazy person. And what is that all over your shirt? It's blood, isn't it? Oh, God, what kind of work are you doing for that man, anyway?"
"Believe me, you don't have to worry about Dumas anymore," I said.
Elizabeth's eyes went wide. She recoiled, her hands to her stomach, retreating to the far end of the bed. "You didn't. Tell me you didn't."
"You don't understand — this guy was as rotten as they come."
"Tell me you didn't," she repeated, tears welling in her eyes.
"I had no choice, Liz."
"Just please tell me that you didn't," she said, pleading now, tears pouring down her cheeks.
"I did what I had to do," I said. "I did it for us."
Elizabeth buried her face in her hands, her body racked with sobs. In the darkness, patients stirred around us, their sleep disrupted.
"I'm sorry, Liz, but there was just no other way. It's over now, though, and we can start fresh, you and me — maybe head back to California, or get that little place in Maine you're always talking about. But we gotta go now, if we're going. It's like we always said, love: it's just me and you, and to hell with everything else. C'mon, baby, what do you say?" I rested a hand atop her shoulder — a comforting gesture, I told myself, and I was only half-lying. The comfort was real. I just had the who it was comforting part backwards.