— Well, she’ll be delighted tae see you, Greg says, as we make oor wey oantae the main road. — Hear that, boys? Your Uncle Frank flew in all the way from California, just to see your mum!
— Didn’t Auntie Melanie come with you? says Thomas.
— Naw, she’s got the girls to look after, pal. They all send you guys their love, by the way, I go, enjoying watching the poor wee cunts get a beamer.
It’s only a ten-minute walk. It doesnae look like a proper hoaspital tae me, mair like a bank that smells ay bleach, a place where they just take yir poppy. Suppose that’s mainly what it is. Elspeth is sat up in bed watching the telly, but she isnae looking well. She gapes at ays in disbelief. — Frank!
I gie her a hug, smelling the hoaspital and auld sweat on her. — How are you?
— Awright, she says, then goes aw hesitant, her brow furrowed, — well, aye and naw. I feel bloody weird, Frank, she says, as she greets Greg and boys. — But here are my big, strong men!
— Bound tae, ah nod, — a hysterectomy’s a big thing for a woman, ah’m gaun. Though ah ken fuck all aboot that. But when you’re a bairn in Leith, ye hear wifies gaun ‘she’s pit oan an awfay lot ay weight since her hysterectomy.’ Ah dinnae ken whether that’s through depression wi ‘the change in life’, as they caw getting yir fucking womb ripped oot, leading tae overeating, or if the metabolism just slows doon. Either way, Elspeth hus tae watch cause she’s packin oan the coral as it is.
— That’s what I’ve been saying, Frank, Greg cuts in, — there’s bound to be an emotional reaction.
Ye kin see that this bugs the fuck oot ay Elspeth, but she’s biting her tongue. She goes tae me, — So what brings you over then? Another show? Some business?
— Nah, just flew over to see you. I was worried.
Elspeth doesnae believe a word ay it. But at least she isnae takin the strop. — Pull the other yin, she laughs, — it’s goat bells on it.
Ah look at Greg. He’s a trusting cunt, but even he’s doubtful.
I turn back tae her. — Naw, really, I came to see ye. Nae ulterior motive. I was worried, I had air miles wi aw the travelling ah’ve been daein, so I just went tae the airport n jumped oan a standby flight.
Elspeth bursts intae tears, and extends her airms. I step intae her grip. — Aw, muh big brother, muh Frankie boy, I’ve been awfay hard on you. You’ve changed, you really have changed, my darlin Frankie… she’s slaverin pish now, but I let her carry on. She came late tae the perty, but she got there.
I tell her, Greg and the laddies a few wee tales, about collectors ay my stuff, n the people that commission ays, like poor auld Chuck. A young doctor cunt comes in wi a big smile on his face, looking at me. — It is you, he goes. — I love your work.
— Ta.
Elspeth’s eyes are popping oot her heid, she probably fancies this doctor cunt n she’s aw flushed. — This is Dr Moss! Ma brother Frank!
The boy starts asking me about exhibitions and what ah’m workin on. It makes ays think that ah should be in ma studio now, grafting, no hinging aboot ower here, but faimlay is important. For the first time since I brought her back chips fae Methuen’s, eftir comin fae the pub when she was a kid, I’ve got my sister feeling good about ays. That hus tae count for something.
When it’s time tae go, ah think ah’m gaunny have tae shout for an orderly tae get Elspeth tae release her grip. Eventually we’re outside under the squally grey sky. Greg wants ays tae stey at thair place, but I telt them I’m spending the night with an auld pal.
— She was quite emotional, I says tae Greg, whae’s a wee bit glassy-eyed himself.
— Yes, a hormonal thing. Look, Frank, I can’t thank you enough for making that awful trip, it hardly seems –
— No hassle. Sitting on the plane wi my sketchbook, working on new ideas, it’s bliss tae be honest. And nice tae see you guys again. Maybe California for the school hollybags, boys?
The laddies look excited at the prospect. Nae wonder. Couldnae get tae fuckin Burntisland when ah was their age!
It’s rainy but quite warm when I get off the tram back in toon. I meet Terry, in his cab as arranged, parked in that wee shagger’s lane ay his in the East New Town off Scotland Street. The lassie’s sittin in the back. I nod to her and she heads off, and I take the bag ay tools. — Thanks for sortin this oot, Terry, I appreciate it, ah say, pillin on a set ay waterproof trousers.
— Ma pleasure. You mind the code tae text?
— Aye, as if I could forget, ah nod. Then I head doon the street, following the lassie fae a distance back, watching her head doon the steps ay the basement building acroass the road. This section ay toon is cameraed up tae fuck, there’s yin ower the way, but the punters comin tae a knockin shop generally dinnae want tae be seen, so a black beanie cap n dark blue waterproof cagoule n trews disnae exactly stand oot as ah walk doon the steps. A quick glance ower tae the wee knot ay folk huddled intae the bus shelter, tae escape the rain that’s comin doon heavier. Breathe… nice n easy.
The door’s no locked, so ah let myself in. The gaff smells ay bleach and old spunk, and it’s caulder inside than oot. Ah can hear noises, first the lassie’s voice, then, as it stoaps, a sly cunt’s takes ower. It sounds agitated. As ah get closer, ah see through the crack in the door the bird gieing that Syme boy a gam. I place the bag oan the flair, open it up and pill oot the sword. Feels fuckin barry.
Ah raise the sword ower ma heid n spring through the door, interruptin the blow job. The lassie jumps back at the right time like ah said, n jist as well for her, or her fuckin neb would have come right off n aw. Ah wisnae hingin back, swinging it doon the opening space between her coupon n his groin. The Syme cunt is shriekin oot, — WHAT THE FU — and he’s lucky his erection fuckin crumbled quick n eh turned tae the side slightly, or the best part ay his knob would be oan that fuckin tiled flair. As it is ah’ve just sortay filleted the base ay the cunt’s cock wi ma blade, and as it travelled doon, sliced open a baw. Ye git an exquisite split-second glance ay the blood sluicing in the gash, before it flows. It’s like slo-mo choreography with this cunt sliding tae his knees n the bird rising fae hers at the same time. It’s a thing ay beauty, as eh cups his weddin tackle n the blood explodes through the fingers ay his hands. He’s lookin fae his sliced baws tae me, n soas the lassie, n eh goes tae speak, — What the fuuuck…
Aye, the cunt was lucky. But that luck isnae gaunny fuckin last. — Shhh, ah goes, n turns tae the lassie. — If ma lovely assistant here could help me…
She’s on her feet, dragging the bag in and getting a throwin knife oot. She hands it tae me.
— WHAT IS THIS?! WHO ARE –
— TELT YOU TAE FUCKIN SHUT IT, ah goes, hurlin the knife at the cunt.
It thuds right intae the fucker’s tit as eh lets oot another scream. — WHAAAAT… WHAT THE FUCK…
Terry did fuckin good getting they throwin knives. Ah hand yin tae the lassie. — Take a shot. Goan!
She looks at ays and huds the knife.
The Syme cunt’s eyes are bulging, that barry mix ay fear and rage. Ye kin see that fuckin self-loathing at his ain stupidity, at bein too arrogant tae ever see this day comin. Eh takes one bloodied hand away, leaving the other yin tae hud his cock n baws thegither. He raises the blood-soaked free hand slowly as he looks at the lassie. — What?! You’d better fuckin no —
She screams in his pus, — You think I am fucking scared of you now?
— C’moan, darlin… he pleads, as she lets fly at his face. It skites off the side ay his coupon opening up a wound oan his cheek. — FUCKIN HOOR!.
— Nice yin, hen, ah goes, — but mibbe best you dinnae witness the rest. Go on, and meet ays later as we arranged.