He squatted down next to Jane and produced a tube from his own pocket. He removed the stopper and waved it under Jane’s nose. She began to groan and sputter as she turned her head away from it.
Wesker gave me a look of contempt as he stood. “I’m telling you to see the bigger picture here, newbie. Ideas like ‘a man shouldn’t hit a woman’ don’t ultimately matter in the fight between good and evil. You hold on to these archaic notions and these cultists will kill you while you’re still processing which chivalrous deed to act on first. I’m as sorry she got punched as I would be foranyone being punched, equal rights amendment aside, but you want to know what I’m most sorry about? That this woman here is actually relying on you to save her.”
I looked at him, and all I wanted was to smash his face in. “Why are you helping me if you hate me so much?”
“It’s not about you, newbie. Again,think of the big picture! You think I’m going to let my personal dislike of a snot-nosed upstart like you distract me from my purpose here? Think again.”
I pushed him away from Jane as her eyes fluttered open and I helped her to her feet. “You okay there, Janey?”
“Owie,” Jane said. She was trying to play off the pain. She winced as I stood her upright. “You sure we’re not dead yet? It sure feels like I’m dead.”
“I’m afraid that’s just wishful thinking on your part,” I said.
She smiled, but it faded as she caught sight of Faisal Bane lying on the floor. “My God, did you do that?”
Before I could answer, Wesker snorted. “Him? Please! He couldn’t fight his way out of a fifth grade choir practice!”
“Who’s he?” Jane asked, eyeing Wesker suspiciously.
“Wait,” I said. “You both worked for the Sectarians and you don’t know each other?” Of course, their paths had crossed the night Wesker cut Jane’s line-but with a rare show of discretion, I decided not to bring that up right now. We had some pressing things to accomplish right now.
“It’s a big organization,” Jane said. “There’s a lot of skulking that goes on. There was even an official Lunch and Learn: Skulking 101, but no, I haven’t had the displeasure of meeting him.”
“Oh, believe me,” Wesker said snidely. “The displeasure is all mine.”
“Well, you’re awfully unpleasant,” Jane said with a look.
“Yes,” he said. “I know. It’s part of my mystique. Look, I’d love to stand around and chat all night with you and Prince Harming here, but I do believe we have more pressing matters to attend to.”
“Such as getting out of here alive?” Jane asked. She must have been feeling better because she seemed to be back to her feisty self. Wesker ran to the door, peered out, and then shut it. He turned to Jane.
“Faisal’s been talking about you,” Wesker said. “Do you know that the Sectarians set that corporate headhunter-Jason Charles-after you? We don’t want to make it easy for him to find you now, do we? I don’t think it helps that we’re hanging around in your old office. We need to get out of here.”
My guilt rose up at the mention of Jason Charles, and thoughts of vengeance over Tamara filled my head.
“I already know he’s looking for me. I’ve been evading him for days,” Jane said proudly. Score one for Team Petty Victory!
It didn’t last long, though. Wesker snapped out of whatever state he was in and looked the two of us up and down. “Why the hell are you wearing matching outfits?”
“It’s how we got in,” I explained. “Delivery people.”
“Classic,” he said with a roll of his eyes.
“Hey! It worked, didn’t it?” I fired back.
“Ahem…guys?” Jane said. She ran back to her desk and began to pack the last of her things. “I really hate to get in between the two of you verbally assaulting each other. It’s very macho and all-thanks for the effort-but we really need to come up with a plan and quick. I don’t see how we’re going to get Faisal out of here.”
Jane was right. We were falling apart here. Connor would have been disappointed. Lock picking our way into Irene’s apartment was one thing, but I knew he wouldn’t have approved of us breaking into the Sectarians’ office. And the petty way I was losing focus of our objectives by letting my emotions over Tamara and my dislike of Wesker rule the situation went against everything Connor had trained me for.
“Look,” I said. “I’m sorry. For everything. Thank you for saving us.”
“Finally!” he said with exasperation. “A little gratitude!”
“You know,” I said, “you’re really not making this easy.”
He shrugged and said, “Why don’t I make things real easy for all of us then? I think I know how we’re going to get our large European friend out of here without drawing too much attention on ourselves.”
Thaddeus Wesker smiled with the perverse pleasure of one who relished the role of leadership. “You two dress-up playmates should be tickled pink about it. I’m promoting you.”
I had a sneaking suspicion that I wouldn’t like what he was about to suggest.
“Welcome to the world of professional carpet cleaning,” Wesker said.
31
The plan was this: Jane and I would roll the unconscious Faisal Bane into a carpet, essentially making a human burrito, and sneak him out of the building. The foolishness of the plan was further complicated by the fact that as we rolled Faisal Bane into an oriental carpet, it looked exactly like a carpet with a body rolled into it.
My gut reaction to Wesker’s plan was alarm bells going off in my head, screaming STUPID STUPID STUPID. But since I had nothing better to offer in the way of cohesive escape, we were stuck with it.
Wesker and I hefted one end of the Faisal carpet burrito onto my shoulder.
“Won’t the zombies try to stop us?” I asked. “I mean we’ve essentially made a giant joint with their master inside of it. Won’t that set their zombie senses tingling?”
It was Jane who put my fears to rest as Wesker moved to help Jane lift her end of the carpet roll.
“Zombie sense?” Jane said, shaking her head at me. “What are they teaching you at the D.E.A.? There’s no such thing, Simon.”
“You sure?” I asked.
Jane nodded. “I don’t think they’ll even notice us leaving. I’ve worked with that lot of undead word processors, and without their zombified brains being directly controlled on a project, they have the functionality of a small child. A regular person might look at us and be able to figure out we’ve got a body in here, but a zombie, like a child, couldn’t figure it out. It’s like if you cover something up with a cloth, a baby will forget it’s there. Object permanence, it’s called.”
I tested the weight at my end of the bundle and it was much heavier than I thought.
“It’s the same for the zombies,” Jane continued. “Unless they’re ordered directly by their master or they see him in jeopardy specifically, they’re not likely to attack.”
“Good enough for me,” I said. “That sounded very professorial of you.”
Wesker cleared his throat pointedly. “If you two don’t mind…”
For once, I was glad to hear him chime in because our carpety coffin was not getting any lighter. Wesker opened the door for us and waved us out.
“Aren’t you coming with us?” I asked.
“I’ll meet you outside,” he said. “I’m going to go a separate way so as to not draw attention to our secret partnership. I’m worried that my cover might be blown, remember?”
“I doubt it,” said. “The way you clocked him, he probably won’t even remember whohe is.”
“You’d be surprised,” Wesker said, shutting the door behind him. “These Sectarians are a hardy sort. Still, there might have been enough confusion in the fight.”
Without another word, Wesker headed off in the opposite direction as Jane and I headed for the lobby.