«Oh, honey.» Strong hands slipped around her. «C’mere.»
She fell into his arms, into the way he held her and the comforting strength he represented. «I know you’re not like that. Really, I do.»
«You know it,» he agreed. «But do you believe it?»
She wanted to, so badly. «I believe you’re a better man than he could ever be.»
«I’m a different man.» His hand came up, fingers lifting her chin. «I’m not a good man, Carmen. But even so, I wouldn’t change you.»
She felt the undeniable truth of it, saw it in his eyes. «I know.»
«Good.» A smile finally curved his lips. «I’m out of practice at dating, but I’m pretty sure we’re going about it a little backwards.»
«I think we’re doing all right. Well, except that I just cried on you. Then there’s the ton of childhood trauma I unloaded.»
Alec shook his head. «And I gotta say, I don’t usually lock a woman in a cage until the third date.»
He was nervous, odd when she was the one burning with embarrassment. «What’s wrong?»
For a long time he didn’t speak. His hand fell to her hip, a strong grip that kept her body tight against his. «I follow my instincts. A lot of times, I get accused of doing it without thinking, and some of those times it’s true. Now, it’s true.»
«You mean me,» she said slowly. His admission didn’t scare her, but the bewilderment and fear lurking behind the words did.
«Not just you. Everything. I’ve charged into your life and I’ve dragged you halfway across the country and this isn’t a fucking date and we both know it.»
«I wanted you in my life, and you haven’t dragged me anywhere. But you’re right.» Her rational mind clamored for control, but it couldn’t overcome her heart. «It’s not just a date. I’m falling in love with you.»
His fingers tightened and purely masculine satisfaction swelled through him. Then came a slash of fear, and he shook his head. «Not now, not yet. Part of what’s got me turned around is knowing the only time you’ve ever seen me without magic clouding things up is the first day we met.»
She couldn’t fault him for doubting, not under the circumstances, but his words provided an uncomfortable reminder. «The converse is also true, isn’t it? Your instincts might tell you something entirely different about me once the magic is gone.»
«Maybe.» He touched her cheek. «A couple of rational people might think that was a good reason to slow the fuck down.»
The words made sense, but every last bit of his body language defied them. «But this isn’t a fucking date.»
«Because you’re already mine.»
Carmen laughed even as a shiver of satisfaction ran through her. «Now I’m all turned around.»
«Welcome to my world, honey.» His fingers crept under the hem of her shirt, warm and rough against her skin. «There’s no up or down, but clothing’s optional.»
No sense in fighting it, not when the slightest touch flooded her with heat. «Take me to bed.»
Alec rose and lifted her with him, hoisting her up until she wrapped her legs around his hips. «I can do that.»
In a more familiar place, she would have kissed him, trusting him to find his way blindly. Instead, she bit the side of his neck, a little harder with every step until they reached the bed.
He growled and dropped her to the mattress. «Making sure everyone knows I’m taken, are you?»
«It’ll heal.» The reality was blunt, simple. «I want you to know.»
If anything, his eyes darkened. He pulled open his belt, dragging the smooth brown leather free of his belt loops before dropping it to the floor. «Might have to do it again, just to drive the message home.»
«Whatever you need.» She whispered the promise as she unbuttoned her shirt. Alec watched her movements, and he didn’t hold himself back. She felt the spike in desire when her shirt gaped open, and the twist of hunger as his gaze traced the satin and lace of her bra.
He needed her.
All their talk had been just that — talk. Desperate words detailing what they should have been doing instead of what they wanted more than breath. Rational people would slow down, Alec had said, and it was true.
But they weren’t rational people, not about this.
She held out her arms, and he came to her.
Chapter Twelve
Alec was on his third cup of coffee by the time Mahalia made her appearance.
She looked good. Her smooth dark skin bore a few more wrinkles, and her dark eyes held hints of worry, but some of those wrinkles were smile lines and there was peace in her gaze along with the sorrow.
Alec lifted his mug in greeting, then nodded to the window. «Just admiring the view.»
«You should see those mountains in the wintertime, after a heavy snow.» She sat in another of the rocking chairs with her own steaming cup, but the scent that wafted out of it was herbal tea. «No coffee for Michelle,» she explained. «I’ve switched out of sympathy.»
There was something comforting about her presence. Mahalia had been there for him during the rockiest time of his life, and the soothing timbre of her voice still gave him the hint of peace his own mother’s had never managed to. «Next you’re going to tell me you stopped smoking. For real.»
«It’s not good for babies, especially premature ones, even if they are shapeshifters.»
It looked like Mahalia finally had someone to play doting grandma to. Alec hid another smile beneath a sip of his coffee. «Not good for grown-ups, either. How many times did I tell you to quit?»
She flashed him a look and arched one dark eyebrow. «Do we want to talk about all your bad habits now?»
Bluster wouldn’t fool him, but it made him feel better. «Sure. Haven’t heard the list in a week or two.»
«And here I was, trusting Jack to take care of that in my absence.»
«Jackson’s busy making big eyes at the kitty-cat who’s got him wrapped around her dainty pinky finger.» Alec grinned at her. «Your little apprentice is all grown up and thinking about engagement rings and picket fences. Poor guy.»
«Uh-huh.» She rocked her chair gently and smiled. «You know I see through you, right? Poor guy, indeed.»
He wasn’t going to say it. He wasn’t going to give her an opening.
He wasn’t.
Damn it. «And what do you see, Mahalia?»
Her smile faded. «If you don’t poke a little fun, people might figure out how bad you want something like that again.»
The words brought the expected pain, but tempered with something he’d never felt before — guilt. «I’m not supposed to want it again.»
Mahalia’s brows drew together, an expression of confusion that quickly turned to sympathy. «Oh, Alec. You really think your wife would have wanted you to stay locked up and alone for the rest of your life?»
No one ever said her name. Sometimes it grated on his nerves. «No, Heidi would rise from the dead and dent my head with a frying pan for even thinking it.»
«But you think it anyway.»
He didn’t. Heidi had barely believed in marriage, but she’d adored love. She’d be the first to tell him to grab at any chance of it with both hands.
No, it wasn’t about Heidi anymore. Maybe it hadn’t been in a long time. Alec set his coffee cup on the wicker table. «You know what my mother told me when Heidi died?»
«I shudder to think, honey, I honestly do.»
She didn’t want to hear it, but Alec told her anyway, because he needed to say it. «She said she was so very sorry, and it was a terrible loss, but I should try to remember that someday I’d meet a nice shapeshifter girl and realize that what I had with Heidi wasn’t real.»