Usually.
Now he had control. He dragged in a deep breath, filled himself with Carmen’s scent — and found it no less arousing. Attraction was still there, even sharper now that he could find the boundaries of it. It was real. It was his.
She would be his too. Soon.
Mahalia dropped her hand from Alec’s neck and stepped closer to Carmen. «I wish I could say that was the worst of it, honey, but that was only the beginning.»
«I know.» She stared up at him, the vicious bite of loss darkening her eyes. «But I’ll be fine.»
«You’ll be fine,» he repeated, making the words firm. «I’ll be right here, Carmen. Through all of it.»
«Sure you will,» Mahalia cut in, «but later. You have to go now, Alec.»
Everything in him, wolf and man alike, rebelled. «Like hell.»
«It’s too risky for you to stay. Right now, the only thing keeping her magic from latching on to you again is that Michelle and I are holding it at bay. We can’t afford to expend that energy, not if we’re going to help Carmen.»
The woman knew how to cut his legs out from under him. Alec reached up to touch Carmen’s cheek. «You gonna be okay?»
«Don’t worry too much about me,» she whispered. «I’ll see you in a little while.»
«Yeah, you will,» he promised. He dropped his hand from her cheek. Stepped back.
Turning and walking out of the room was the hardest thing he’d done in years.
Nothing had prepared Carmen for how much it would hurt.
Another burst of pain splintered through her, and she bit her lip until she tasted blood. Hurt didn’t describe the tearing that grew worse as each second ticked by. It didn’t belong inside her, this magic, but it had rooted itself in her anyway, and every rhythmic word that fell from Mahalia’s lips ripped away another layer.
The soft chanting faltered, and the witch blew out a shaky breath. «I think…we might need to stop for a minute.»
Carmen opened her eyes, and marveled with slight detachment at the way her vision swam, with lights and colors playing at the periphery of the room. Then she realized it wasn’t her eyes at all, but actual magic swirling around them. She wasn’t used to such displays, and it made her shudder.
«Nothing to worry about.» Even as Mahalia spoke, the sparkles died away, fading into nothingness. «Just a little flashy magic.»
The woman’s dark skin was ashen, and Carmen wondered what the hell she looked like. «Want to tell me why you really made Alec leave the room?»
Mahalia answered with a rusty chuckle. «Never can put anything over on the empaths. Y’all feel too much.»
«Maybe.» She’d seen her share of loved ones freak out at the sight of someone in pain, and sometimes ignorance was bliss. For a man like Alec, though, waiting would be torture. «How much longer?»
«Depends.» She cast a look at Michelle. «What do you think?»
Michelle, at least, looked composed — if you ignored the tension around her eyes and the thin sheen of sweat on her forehead. «We’re getting toward the end of the most painful parts, but there’s a long way yet to go.»
Carmen gripped Mahalia’s hand. «She said this wouldn’t harm the two of you. Was she lying to make me feel better?»
«Michelle doesn’t lie, honey. It’s not in her nature.»
Michelle smiled. «I wouldn’t say that’s entirely true, but in this case…no, Carmen. It’s not dangerous for us. It does take a lot of concentration, though, which is why a few minutes of rest won’t hurt.»
«Okay.» The truth of the Seer’s words was clear, and it allowed Carmen to relax. The echoes of pain had already begun to drift away. Her body expected more agony, some sort of lingering wound to show for it, but she felt fine, and the end result was disorienting. «It’s strange, almost…»
«Easily forgotten. Not anything like physical pain,» Mahalia agreed.
«It’s all in your mind.» Michelle smoothed a few stray hairs back into her otherwise immaculate bun. «The easiest pain to recover from.»
In every way but one. Alec had left, and the ache of separation was fresh and sharp. It was useless to worry about it, to wonder what would happen between them with the magic gone. He would feel the same or he wouldn’t, and foreknowledge of neither outcome would change the decision she’d made.
She had to be herself.
«You think too much,» Mahalia observed.
«So I’ve been told.»
Michelle tilted her head and studied Carmen, an odd curiosity in her eyes. «It’s not a common tendency in the empaths I’ve known.»
Something Carmen had heard time and again. «I was like this before I even remember being psychic. My mother used to tell me it was a good combination.»
«Heart and mind. It is a good combination. A powerful one.»
«Sometimes it gets me in trouble.» Like when there were no rational answers to be had, only trust and faith. «Like when I can’t shut my brain off.»
«Ohhh.» Mahalia lowered herself to a leather chair and shook her head. «At least you and Alec won’t have the same problem in that respect.»
«Be nice, Mahalia,» Michelle murmured.
«I’m not being ugly, and Alec would be the first to tell you it’s true. He’s all about—»
«Instinct,» Carmen finished for her.
«That’s right, instinct.» Mahalia leaned forward in the chair, bracing her hands on her knees. «Gut.»
Michelle didn’t relent. «Instinct’s just another way of thinking. A faster way. Some of it we’re born with, and some of it we learn. Instinct is experience reminding us of the things we’ve already thought about.»
«You’re right, of course.»
«Alec thinks,» Carmen told them. «All the time, about everything. Every single possibility in every single circumstance.»
Mahalia smiled. «Michelle’s definition of instinct.»
«And while we’re on the topic…» Michelle’s smile faded. «My instinct tells me that the sooner we get this done, the better.»
From the way Mahalia’s expression sobered, as well, it wouldn’t be pleasant. «I’m ready.»
«Carmen?»
It won’t last long. Get it over with. «Like you said, the sooner, the better.»
Michelle stepped forward and held out both her hands. «This next bit will be the worst. Mahalia’s laid the groundwork. She’s separated enough of the magic to protect you for this. But now I have to tear it out.»
A terrifying thought, because surely this had to be the dangerous part. «It’s only in my mind, right? The pain?»
«It’s only in your mind,» Michelle confirmed. Then she hesitated. «Are you a strong projective empath?»
«No, not usually. I have to try» She broke off and bit her lip. «Should I take a few minutes, make sure my shields hold?»
«No. If you’re not very strong, I can contain it. But if you’d been like Kat… Well, it would have been different.»
«No.» She’d felt the sheer amount of power that emanated from Kat. Even with shields and iron will, it spilled over. «Nothing like that.»
«Good. In that case…» Michelle’s fingers tightened. «Just hold on.»
Oh dear God.
Everything before was nothing compared to the thick blaze of anguish that rocked Carmen. Her head pounded, and she wanted to scream but no sound would come. She felt as though she was teetering on the edge of a void, a deep, dark vortex, and with one more tiny push, she’d disappear into it.
It’s in your mind. The voice, her own and not, echoed through her. Meditate. Build your walls. If it kept her in and the world out, surely it could protect her from this torment.