She settled against him and stroked his bearded jaw, trying to soothe him back to sleep.
«Won’t work,» he mumbled, but the corner of his mouth curved up. «But it feels good, so you can keep at it.»
«I shouldn’t have woken you,» she whispered, «but I had to kiss you.»
«Good reason.» His hand landed on her hip, fingers spread wide.
Another muscle twinge made her groan. «Maybe we should have slept more and had less…sex.» Sex, without a condom in sight. «Oh.»
«Oh?» He still sounded sleepy. Oblivious. «You want less sex next time?»
She’d never been so mindless, so unthinking. «No,» she murmured, «but maybe more birth control.»
His hand tightened so fast she sucked in a sharp breath and grabbed his wrist. He released her with a muttered curse, then rolled onto his back. «Well. That answers that.»
Carmen rubbed her hip absently. «Answers what?»
He reached over and covered her hand, his touch soft. Apologetic. «You’re exactly the second person I’ve forgotten a condom with, and the first wasn’t an empath. She could keep her head.» He turned his head and gave her a rueful smile. «We might have to acknowledge that this could happen. A lot. Making babies is pretty much the ultimate instinctive drive.»
«Honestly? I’m surprised we lasted this long.» She kissed his shoulder with a soothing hum. «There’s a regimen I’ve been on before, and I don’t mind restarting it. It might be easier than trying to keep our heads.»
«Do you know—?» His voice turned almost hesitant. Nervousness, and a purely masculine confusion. «You’re a doctor. What are the chances — I mean, do you know if this is the right time for…?»
A quick calculation gave her an answer he’d likely be relieved to hear. «There’s a possibility,» she admitted, «but it’s a slim one. It’s a little late in my cycle for me to get pregnant.»
«Oh.» Uncertainty still twisted between them.
His ambivalence gave her pause. «Alec?»
He released his breath on a long sigh. «Sorry. Just…forgot it was possible to be anything other than overwhelmingly relieved about this shit. The last thing either of us needs is a kid to worry about, but…»
Part of him still wanted it, and she understood. They hadn’t known each other long, but she knew him. It could take months or years to tease out all the threads of someone based on what they would honestly show or tell. But she’d seen inside Alec, the deepest parts he might not be able to articulate even if he wanted to share them with her.
She knew him, and she loved him. Everything between them was new, but she couldn’t help but yearn for the chance to hold his child, to share that bond with him.
His nervousness spiked, and she gripped his hand. «I love children, and I definitely want to be a mother. If it takes a few years, that’s fine, but if it happened earlier, I wouldn’t cry.» Carmen raised her head and met his gaze. «You’d be a good father.»
Judging by the look in his eyes, her simple words had been a gift. He smiled and touched her cheek. «We can figure it out after we fix the world up a little, huh?»
«That sounds like it involves leaving this room.» Something she didn’t particularly want to do now that they’d forged a new intimacy.
«Need to get moving before too long anyway. Have to check with your brother and Kat, see if they got all the money moved around.»
Julio would never allow himself to be distracted from a task. «If they had run into a problem, he would’ve called.»
«Good. Suppose I’ll have to get used to trusting him.»
«Yes.» He knew Andrew well already, had apparently taught him everything he knew about being a wolf. «I think Julio’s relieved, in a way. It must be hard, knowing you could be doing more if you only had an idea of where to start.»
Alec smiled. «I always knew where to start. I just didn’t know how to keep going.»
Now, he did. «You’re really going to do this, aren’t you?»
«I’m really going to do this.» His hand drifted up her side, and he curled one finger in her hair. «This world the way it is… It’s hopeless. It can be hard, it can be awful…but it doesn’t get to be hopeless.»
Her chest swelled with an emotion she knew he would feel, though she gave voice to it anyway. «I’m proud of you. It’s not the easy path.»
«Don’t be proud of me yet. I’m counting on you walking that path with me.»
She rolled to her side, took his hand and pressed it to her heart. «I love you. If you have to face something, anything, you won’t do it alone.»
His brown eyes stayed serious. «Do you really know what you’re saying? This isn’t like the human government. We don’t spend four years dicking around and then worry about reelection. This is a lifetime job, and when it’s not, it’s because you’re dead, or damn near.»
Most of her family had held no dearer ambition for her. She’d avoided it, simply because she didn’t believe in it, but things were different now. Alec was different. «I’ve lived my life focusing on the bad aspects of wolf society, and I probably still haven’t seen the worst of it, but that doesn’t matter. It doesn’t change anything. Don’t you see why?» She sat and tucked her hair behind her ears. «You take care of people. That’s what you do, who you are, and I understand that. You can’t walk away from it.»
«And I won’t walk away from you.» He caught her hand and threaded their fingers together. «But you might want to walk away from this. You’ve known me two weeks. We’re walking down one damn crazy path.»
«I know you, and I love you.» Echoing her own thoughts, though it occurred to her that he might not be as certain. «Do you need more time?»
«Not a minute.» Quiet words, but no doubt shaped them, and none lingered in his heart. «I know love when I feel it, and I know how it feels to lose it. I’d marry you tomorrow, just so I wouldn’t waste a second of having you be mine.»
The declaration stole her breath. «It wouldn’t change anything. I don’t need rings or a ceremony to be yours.»
«Yeah, but you’re going to end up with both, you know.» His thumb stroked over her bottom lip. «Still time to run. If I’m on the Conclave, it means big fancy weddings and half a dozen bridesmaids and, God help us all, my mother. My mother alone should send you screaming into the night.»
Part of her was terrified of the responsibilities, the expectations. As much as Alec would have to play the political games, so would she have to deal with the social ones. «High tea with your mother doesn’t scare me nearly as much as the thought of running away.»
«Maybe you should join the Conclave,» he murmured, dragging her down against him. «That woman scares the piss out of me.»
«It should tell you how much I love you, then. I’m willing to make nice with your family.» She stretched out over him, gliding her thumb absently over his collarbone. «What about you? Can you deal with mine?»
Foreboding slashed through the room, sharp and uncomfortable. «Most of them, yeah. Your uncle — can you deal with me dealing with him?»
Not an easy question to answer. She’d flown to Atlanta to be with her Aunt Teresa and her cousin Veronica the previous year when the Alpha’s son-in-law challenged — and killed — Noah Coleman. It hadn’t mattered that Noah was an angry, awful man who’d treated them both badly. He was still their family, and they had cried when he died.
Carmen met Alec’s gaze. «If you can find a way to spare Cesar, I know you will. But don’t do it for me. He crossed a line, and we all have to be prepared for the consequences of that, even if we had nothing to do with it.»