‘Don’t.’ I heard a heavy sigh. ‘Primavera …’ I waited for her to continue, ‘if I say sorry about last night, can we forget it ever happened?’
‘Susie,’ I said, ‘I’m surprised you can remember what never happened last night.’
‘I wish I couldn’t. I was horrible to you. I should just have ignored the whole thing, but I got drunk, and yes, I know I shouldn’t drink, I know that my treatment doctors warned me about it, but for fuck’s sake, I’m a realist and I know that it probably isn’t my liver that’s going to kill me but something else, so what the hell.’
She was right about that, but I couldn’t say so. Instead, ‘Ach, Susie, I said some stuff I shouldn’t have too.’ I paused. ‘Not about Duncan, though. I’m sorry, but I meant that; the story I told you, about the book, that’s true, whatever his version is. The police here still want me to make a formal complaint. They have him on tape, Susie, on tape.’
‘Oh God,’ she moaned. ‘Please, Primavera, don’t do that. I just couldn’t deal with it right now. You say one thing, he says another; I just don’t know.’
‘Which of us have you known longer?’ I asked.
‘You, of course. But I’m married to Duncan now …’
‘What’s that got to do with it?’
‘A lot,’ she sighed.
‘Susie, tell me something: when he came back, did you send for him, or did he just show up.’
‘He came back; said he had missed me too much. When I told him I was ill he was really shocked, Primavera.’ Her tone was pleading; she really did want me to believe her, but I’d seen the real man, so I couldn’t.
‘Whose idea was it that he go with you to Arizona?’
‘He asked if I wanted him to come. I told him I did. Primavera, Audrey’s great, but even so, you have no idea how lonely I’ve felt going through this thing, having to isolate myself from the kids, having to keep it a secret from them.’
‘That’s blown, I’m afraid.’ I felt I had to admit it, even if it enraged her again. ‘You underestimated your daughter. She’s smart, she did some guessing and she put me in a position where I couldn’t lie to her any longer. So I’m sorry, Susie, but I had to tell her that you had a serious illness, that it had been detected early, and that you were having the appropriate treatment in America.’
She was silent for a few seconds. ‘You didn’t use the C word, did you?’ she asked.
‘No; what I’ve just said, that’s as far as I went. Nor did Janet. She knows as much as I reckon she wants to.’
‘But not wee Jonathan.’
‘I certainly didn’t tell him,’ I assured her, ‘and neither will Janet … but to be honest, Susie, I really don’t know what’s going on in that boy’s head.’
‘Did you mean what you said about him and Duncan? That he was worrying about him being back?’
‘Yes, and he is. The wee chap’s going to need careful handling when you come home. So’s Janet, for that matter,’ I added, ‘but she’s a strong character already, like you are.’
Her sigh was so long drawn out that I thought it might evolve into tears. ‘Not any more,’ she moaned, ‘not any more. I’ve been running the Gantry Group since my dad gave me the reins when I was twenty-four. I’ve always been in control, always been sure of my decisions, never had a moment of self-doubt. But now, I don’t know what to do, I don’t know where I am. Without Phil Culshaw in Glasgow, and Audrey, who’s much more an executive than a secretary now, the business might have collapsed through my dithering. I’m lost. The only thing I know with any degree of certainty is that I’m going to die.’
‘Susie …’ I exclaimed, ready to tell her she was talking nonsense, but …
‘Primavera, you couldn’t lie to my daughter, nor can you to me; you know it. I’m not dumb, or in denial. I know the type of leukaemia I have and I know what the survival stats are. I know my own prognosis too; doctors here never want to be specific in case they get it wrong and you sue them for malpractice or causing emotional distress or anything else that a smart lawyer can come up with. But I asked mine, if he was a gambling man, how many Christmases would he put his own money on me seeing. He wouldn’t go beyond one. When I asked him if he’d bet his house on that many, he looked away and shook his head. I asked him if that meant I got a discount off the bill.’
‘Christ, what did he say to that?’
‘He smiled and said the odds against that are far longer.’
‘Are you still smiling?’
‘As best I can,’ she replied, ‘because I’m well looked after. I don’t have to worry about the kids, thanks to you, and Audrey and Conrad are bricks. But that doesn’t cover everything. I still need shoring up, and that’s where Duncan comes in. I don’t have a single adult relative, girl, not one. He’s all I have in the way of emotional support and I couldn’t do without him, now I know what I’m facing.’
‘I understand,’ I told her. ‘I’m not so insensitive I can’t see that. It’s just-’
‘Look, I know you don’t like him,’ she interrupted, ‘and I know you’ve got reason, with him hitting Tom. His story is that Tom was cheeky to him, but worry not, I don’t believe that, ’cos I know the lad too well. Anyway, he’s promised me he’ll never lay a hand on any of them again.’
Especially Tom, in case he gets another kicking, I thought, but I let it lie.
‘Thing is, Primavera, I need Duncan.’
‘I understand,’ I said, and I did. ‘But tell me. Who did the proposing?’
‘Mmm.’ She mused for a few seconds. ‘Nobody did, really. When the treatments were over and I’d begun the recuperation programme, Duncan suggested that we should get out of the hotel, for a break. He said that Vegas wasn’t that far away, and that we could go there if I was up to the flight. The doc said I was, for that short a trip, so I had Audrey book a private plane. When we got there, the place was full of bloody brides. We laughed about it, then I think Duncan looked at me, and I said, “Why the hell not?” and before I knew it we were taking vows before some fat eedjit in a white cat suit. And I still think, “Why the hell not?” Where’s the harm in it?’
‘For you, none,’ I agreed. ‘One thing you never told me before,’ I continued, quickly, ‘other than very loosely, was how you and he met up.’
‘Phil introduced us,’ she explained. ‘I was over in Glasgow for a board meeting. Before it started he took me into his office and Duncan was there. Phil told me who he was, and what, and asked if I was all right with him doing some freelance stuff for the company, things like a newsletter and maybe even the text for our glossy annual report. I said it was, and gave him my phone numbers if he needed to talk to me about anything. He called me next day and asked if he could buy me lunch at Rogano, to talk over some ideas. One of them was for a newsletter feature about my modest home life, in my Scottish house, to distract attention from where the kids and I really live. I liked that and I went for it. Then I found that I liked him too, and me being without a man at the time, one thing led to … well, you know where it led to. That’s how it kicked off. I was really gutted when he left, you know. How do I put it, Primavera? He’s the devil I know, I suppose. Don’t worry about me, please; he’ll look after me.’
I sighed. ‘Can I be brutal, Susie?’ I asked.
‘Go on then,’ she chuckled, ‘stick the boot in.’
‘It’s not you I’m worried about,’ I confessed. ‘Well, I am, but not as far as he’s concerned. It’s your kids.’
‘Then don’t. I’ve made it clear to him that we are not into physical punishment.’
‘I don’t mean that. Look, from what you’ve told me about the wedding, clearly you haven’t done any sort of pre-nupital agreement.’
‘No,’ she agreed, warily, ‘but I don’t plan to divorce him.’
‘That wasn’t what I was thinking about.’
‘Then …’ she read my meaning ‘Oh, I see. You mean when I pop off?’
‘Yes, exactly. If that happens, God forbid, he would be their stepfather.’