James Swain
Deadman’s Poker
For Margaret Swain
You’re never so slick that you can’t stand another greasing.
— Old gambling expression
A Brief Glossary of Useful Cheating Terms
Action — Any gambling activity.
Beef — A complaint.
Bleed — To cheat a game slowly.
Bustout joint — A casino that cheats its customers.
Cheater — One who practices fraud or deception. Also known as an advantage player, grifter, hustler, mechanic, rounder, or scammer.
Classmates — Two people working in collusion in a card game.
Cooler — A prearranged deck that is secretly switched for a deck in play. Also known as iron man.
Cooler mob — A group of cheaters who switch decks of cards.
Crossroader — A cheater who specializes in ripping off casinos.
Doing business — Cheating.
Feel a breeze — When you feel something unnatural going on, but don’t know what it is.
Gaff — A cheating device.
Gamer — Someone employed in the gambling industry.
Giving the office — Communicating through a secret code.
Greed factor — Winning too much, too often.
Grift sense — The ability to spot a scam or hustle. A compliment among hustlers.
Hairy leg — A moneyman who backs a game.
Half smart — Someone who thinks he’s smart, but isn’t.
Heat — Unwanted attention. Also called steam.
Hot seat — Where the sucker sits.
Joint — A casino.
Juice — Influence with the right people.
Muck — To switch cards.
Mucker — A cheater who specializes in switching cards.
On the square — A game that is played legitimately.
Peek joint — A setup allowing a hidden person to see someone’s hand during a card game.
Paper — Marked cards. Also known as paint.
Proposition bet — A bet that you can’t win, and won’t win. Also known as a proposition.
Ring game — A side game in a poker tournament.
Shiner — A reflecting device used to spot cards as they are dealt.
Shoot the pickle — To make a huge bet. To go for it.
Suckers — 99 percent of the people who gamble. Also known as chumps, marks, pigeons, rubes, and vics (victims).
Tell — An unconscious signal that may be spotted by a knowledgeable player.
Texas Hold ’Em — A variation of poker invented by twelve ranch hands who had only a single deck of cards between them.
Tip your mitt — To inadvertently expose your hand or otherwise give away secret information.
Turn out — To teach somehow how to cheat.
Tush hog — A dangerous muscle man.
Whipsaw — Two partners in a poker game who try to force a third player out by raising and reraising each other.
Part I
Mr. Black and White
1
“I can beat any poker player in the world,” Jack Donovan whispered.
Gerry Valentine leaned on the cold metal arm of the hospital bed while staring into the eyes of his dying friend. They’d gone to grade school together, gotten hauled into the principal’s office a few dozen times, and when they’d gotten older, broken a bunch of laws together. They were as close as brothers, and to see lung cancer take Jack’s life away had been one of the most painful things Gerry had ever experienced.
“Think we should go find a game?” Gerry asked.
A weak smile crossed Jack’s lips. Gerry had flown into Atlantic City from Florida that morning and spent the afternoon at Jack’s bedside, reminiscing with his friend. When nightfall had come, the nurse on duty had allowed Gerry to stay well past visiting hours.
“I’m serious,” Jack whispered. “I can beat any player in any game.”
“Is this a scam?”
Jack was on oxygen, his voice barely audible. “Yeah. Came to me when I was getting chemotherapy. The gaff is invisible, and there’s no evidence left behind.”
Jack had been a scammer since they were teenagers, and he knew all the angles. A scam that didn’t leave evidence could make someone rich beyond their wildest dreams.
“And have you actually tried it out?” Gerry asked.
“What, you think I’m going to hustle the nurses?”
“So you don’t really know if it works,” Gerry said. “Stuff that looks good on paper doesn’t always work in the real world. Remember that time you fell in the fountain outside Caesars, and nearly drowned?”
Jack rolled his eyes. “Did you have to bring that up?”
“Sorry.”
“Look, Gerry, this is the crown jewels of poker cheating. I taught it to some guys who want to scam a poker tournament in Las Vegas. Only, now they’re reneging on their end of the deal.”
“How?”
“They won’t pay me. They know I’m dying, so they think they can screw me.”
Gerry didn’t think there was anything lower than what Jack was describing. Whoever had said there was honor among thieves hadn’t known many thieves.
“What do you want me to do?” Gerry asked.
“Remember Vinny Fountain?”
“Sure.”
“Vinny wants to buy the scam for a hundred grand. I want you to sell it to him and give the money to my mom. She’s living on federal assistance.”
Jack’s feet were sticking out at the end of the bed and Gerry pulled the blanket down to his toes. As a kid, Jack had been a runt, and everyone in the neighborhood had called him Little Jack. Then one summer he’d shot up like a beanpole, and lost the adjective.
“I need to stretch my legs,” Gerry said. “Want me to get you something?”
“What’s the matter?” his friend asked.
“I just need to think about this.”
“You scared your father will find out?”
Jack knew him too well. Gerry had joined his father’s casino consulting business a year ago. The casinos paid them to catch cheaters, and he didn’t think his father would be too happy to find out his son was selling cheating secrets to scammers.
“I could get somebody else,” Jack offered.
“No, I’ll do it,” Gerry said. “I just need to figure out how to keep my father in the dark. What’s this scam, anyway?”
Jack lifted his head and looked straight down at the floor. Gerry looked as well, and spotted a canvas bag lying beneath the bed. He knelt down and parted the bag with his fingers. Inside were a dozen decks of cards, and a metal strongbox with the words DANGER, DO NOT OPEN! printed in white letters across the front. Jack had always liked practical jokes. Gerry closed the bag, stood, and went to the door.
“You want something?”
“Get me a Coca-Cola,” Jack said.
The night Jack had fallen into the fountain outside Caesars Palace in Atlantic City and nearly drowned had been a classic example of a perfect scam gone wrong. Gerry knew this better than anyone else because he’d orchestrated it.
He walked through the hospital’s cafeteria and found the bin with iced sodas. He pulled two out, then selected a couple of sandwiches from the pre-fixed food section. When he went to pay, he caught the cashier yawning.