Today he had a problem, however. Brian, Katie’s stepfather, had been in the office for over an hour, and Estella, who taught in the class below, had been hard pressed to stop her students from muttering and giggling at the low boom and roar of Mr Morris’s voice as he, in the parlance of the day, ‘Tore Ben a new one’.
Accordingly, Ben solved this problem by calling me in. I must have appeared a suitable enforcer to him.
‘Clearly that’s you,’ I said coldly to Amber. I haven’t taught for years without picking up a few social media tricks. ‘I can tell it’s you. Once you’ve finished libelling Katie and her stepfather, you then go on to “like” Tabitha’s party photos and post the stats for your latest game of Bejewelled.’ That rage, that Stygian rage that bubbled up from within me on Arabella’s doorstep, was roaring at the gates of my ears. That man. That poor man, having to read that about Katie. And her mother. The thought of it smote me.
It was all I could do to stay calm. ‘It was absolutely you.’
Something of all this must have shown in my face, as within moments Amber paled and her defiant jaw unclenched.
She took a step backwards.
‘ISN’T IT?’
Ben stirred, as though I was frightening him too.
But she nodded, once, and her eyes flicked to the ground.
‘I just…’ She swallowed and blinked her eyes hard, trying to conjure tears. ‘I was just so angry at Luisa, because… because Luisa didn’t know Katie at all and yet there she was, trying to get attention, trying to get everyone to feel sorry for her, and I just had a go and then Sorcha, who is supposed to be my friend, was pulling me up in front of this idiot, trying to make me look bad, and I just… I don’t know, I just wanted to show them both up.’ She blushed hotly. ‘I mean, I’m not stupid. I know it looks bad.’
‘Her father could read that.’ I folded my arms. ‘Did you not even consider that?’
‘Her stepfather…’
‘Her father to all intents and purposes. Don’t try to excuse your behaviour on those grounds.’
She glanced up, her eyes red but dry, despite her best attempts, and I have to confess I did, in a warped way, understand her, even if it was an unforgivable way to behave. In the same way that Luisa was a slave to attention, Amber was a slave to her status. Sorcha had challenged her while she’d been in the process of putting Luisa down, and Amber had had to prove that she feared nothing and no one and could not be ruled by mere beta females, which meant not appearing to care what she said.
Neither she nor Luisa cared about Katie. Katie was a cypher, an alibi, something they could hang their interpersonal politics upon.
The girl herself remained missing, a footnote in their lives, just as she would become a footnote in a dreadful book like Snatched in Plain Sight.
Like Bethan Avery had.
I felt very tired suddenly.
‘We’ll need to discuss what we’re going to do with you, Miss McGowan.’ Ben stood up. ‘And contact your parents.’
For the first time Amber’s eyes grew round, and then pooled with genuine tears.
‘No! You can’t tell my parents… you don’t understand. They’re very… stressed right now…’
A flicker of sympathy shot through me. Amber got all of this from somewhere, after all.
‘Come on, you,’ I said, guiding her towards the door. ‘It’s no good crying now. What do we tell you in pastoral care? About the Internet?’
She screwed her lips tightly together. ‘Don’t post anything anywhere that you wouldn’t be happy to repeat on television.’
‘Hmm. So you do listen to me sometimes.’
After school that day I decided to follow Martin’s advice. I took the second letter with me, and half an hour later I was parked outside Narrowbourne Hospital.
The hospital made me cringe like no other place could. I had spent two weeks in an institution like this during my breakdown after university. I could still remember what it felt like to be totally dehumanized – mashed down to my lowest common denominator – with very little effort. I could taste the never-ending rising panic of those wretched days on the tip of my tongue.
Maybe, if someone here recognized the letters, something good might come out of it, and with this in mind I climbed out of the car.
I had come to this particular hospital again as an outpatient three years ago, after a series of misunderstandings that would have been comedic in other circumstances. I accidentally overdosed on my medication – it’s one thing to take too much aspirin, quite another to take too much Zoriclorone. No one at the school ever found out about that – about me being a Narrowbourne patient, that is.
‘Hello,’ I said. ‘Is Staff Nurse Marriott on duty?’
The receptionist looked up. I remembered her. ‘What’s it in connection with?’
I pulled out the ID card Iain had provided me with shortly after I started work at the Examiner. ‘I just need to ask her advice on something for the paper.’
‘Do you know which ward she works on, love?’
‘Chamberlain,’ I said, and waited as she dialled through. I was wasting my time and I knew it. There was no way Lisa would instantly recognize the writer of these letters, even if it was one of her patients. But what else was there? Even if the letters were genuine, finding Bethan was going to be a huge, huge task. And, anyway, I had to be able to tell Martin that I had completed this errand.
For some reason his good opinion mattered.
I was trying to think of a fresh approach to the problem when Lisa appeared.
‘Margot, how are you? I haven’t seen you for ages! How’re you keeping?’
‘I’m fine,’ I replied, perfectly truthfully. I’d never felt better. ‘I’m actually here on business. You knew I did some work for the local paper, didn’t you?’
Lisa nodded. ‘I gathered there was some reason for all those secretive phone calls requesting leaflets and so on. What were you up to?’
I laughed. ‘I must have surprised you a few times – sterilization one week, alcoholism another.’
‘The one that got me was Sickle Cell Anaemia,’ remarked Lisa drily.
I smiled. ‘The thing is, I was wondering whether you knew if someone in here had written this,’ I said, producing a photocopy of the first letter. ‘We’ve been getting a few of these at the paper.’
She scanned it, tiny lines crinkling the corners of her eyes. ‘I’ve not the faintest,’ she said after a long moment. ‘Spooky, isn’t it?’
I took the letter back.
‘You could ask around,’ she suggested. ‘If these things are a real nuisance. But I don’t think it’s from here, to be honest.’
‘I thought as much,’ I said.
‘I’m on my break now,’ she said. ‘Coming for a cup of tea?’
The place made my skin crawl and even Lisa’s pleasant face brought back unpleasant memories.
‘I’d love a cup of tea,’ I said, smiling right through the heart of my fear.
Perversely enough, I went to the Examiner before I went home. I turned my office key in the lock and was surprised to find Wendy there, even though it was Tuesday and seven o’clock at that. She was bent over a piece of paper.
‘God, Margot, you’re efficient. This has been every day this week.’
‘I was passing,’ I said with a shrug. ‘Thought I’d call by for my post.’
She eyed me curiously. She reached behind her into the cubbyhole. It occurred to me that she never let me check the cubbyhole myself if she was in the office. ‘Here you go.’
I glanced through the letters. I was wasting my time, I told myself. Then the familiar shaky, childish handwriting leapt out at me.
I was on the brink of asking Wendy when it had arrived and only just stopped myself. I shoved the bundle of letters into my bag. I could feel her staring at my back. I daresay she thought me very strange. But then, what the hell was she doing here?