‘We could indeed,’ I said, ‘but I’m left wondering why you’d buy a dog and bark yourself. What are you up to?’
He offered me his tight, crooked smile.
‘You’re being very paranoid, Margot.’
‘Not paranoid. Direct. It’s completely different.’ I cocked my head at him. ‘Did you call me last night?’
‘What?’
‘Call me,’ I supplied again. ‘Last night.’
‘No,’ he said, but there was a rising note in his voice, and I wasn’t sure he was telling the truth. ‘Are you going to invite me in?’
I considered him for a long minute. ‘This isn’t a good time. I need to get to work in an hour and a half.’
‘It won’t take long.’ His hands fell into his coat pockets. ‘And it’s urgent, Margot.’
I raised my eyebrow at him, but I was already applying my key to the lock. ‘Really?’
‘Yes,’ he said, with a little shrug. ‘I need your help.’
So once again he was in my kitchen, and I was making him coffee. He took a seat at the pine table, and as I stole surreptitious glances at him in the reflection of the kitchen window, I could see he looked older, tired, and there were dark pouches under his eyes when his face tilted forwards.
Despite myself, something within me clenched in pity. I wanted to go over, put my hands on the tense muscles of his shoulders, knead the knots out of his hard flesh, feel the warmth beneath my palms; in short, to get on with pretending that none of this had happened.
It was impossible, but I wanted it anyway.
‘You said it was urgent,’ but there was a soft note in my voice.
‘Yes. I need some money,’ he said.
This was so frank it took me a second or two to parse it. I put the kettle down.
‘You want me to lend you money?’
He shook his head. ‘Yes. No. In a way.’ He sighed, leaned back in the chair, and there was no disguising his tiredness any more as he rubbed his eyes. ‘Ara and Gareth are trying to force me out at Sensitall.’
I blinked at him. This was very bad news for Eddy. Everybody knew the company was going to do very well indeed in due course, but for now, things were still building. If he was forced out, a great deal of his work would have been for nothing.
‘Gareth has issued me with a parting offer that’s worth about…’ he paused, as though catching himself before saying too much, and there was a flash of banked cunning in his expression that hardened something in my heart, ‘… about a third of my real share.’
Gareth was the other partner in their start-up business, who contributed capital and had got them the lease for the offices. My mind ticked and whirred – of course, he’d been an ‘old friend’ of Ara’s, and she’d brought him in.
I’d met him a couple of times at dinner parties and company social events at expensive restaurants and hotels – a squat, short man with thinning ginger hair and a pronounced underbite beneath his moustache. He’d always been extremely charming and gallant with me, exercising a flirtatious banter that seemed to maximize my personal vanity without ever crossing over into insolence.
That said, charming or not, he was Ara’s man at the end of the day. She had called and now he was answering.
‘Tell them you won’t take it,’ I said. On the face of it, it seemed a simple enough riddle to solve, if you weren’t too greedy about it. ‘If they want rid of you that badly they’ll raise their offer or liquidate the company under you. Get them to up your share offer, so you’ll see a profit when the business does.’ I shrugged at him. ‘In any event, I don’t see what this has to do with me any more.’
I put the kettle back on the stand, snapped it on.
‘Margot, you don’t get it,’ he said, with a deathly earnestness. ‘If I can get the retainer together, there’s a solicitor in London who thinks she can get my offer doubled…’
‘Then complete the arbitration I sent you and mortgage that flat of yours,’ I said as the kettle switched off, gouting steam into the air.
He raised his chin, his eyes meeting mine, and a hateful light burned within them.
He had become someone I didn’t recognize.
‘I didn’t work and sweat like a fucking bastard for two years just so that pair of twats can kick me to the kerb now.’
His voice was low, harsh and very cold. I found myself a little afraid of him.
‘That’s great,’ I said, moving to fill the mugs with boiling water, so I didn’t have to look at him any more. ‘But, like I said, it’s nothing to do with me.’
‘If we hold off on the divorce we could get a loan out on this house,’ he said.
‘Hold off?’
‘I mean, forget about the divorce.’
I had been about to pour water into the waiting mugs.
‘What do you mean, forget about the divorce?’ I asked carefully, my back still to him.
‘You know what I mean,’ he said. ‘Stop pretending you don’t.’
I wanted to be reasonable. I had promised myself that I would be reasonable, and calm. And to be honest, there was something in me that had wanted him to show up here again, for us to talk.
It was tough doing this alone, this life, to sit in here in the dark at night, to be haunted by thoughts of shadowy stalkers and lost girls and silent phone calls.
If this had panned out some other way, I would probably have taken him back, I realized.
I turned to face him.
‘I don’t want to forget about the divorce, Eddy.’ I crossed my arms.
‘Margot, I know I-’
‘I don’t want to be married to you because I don’t think you love me.’
And as I said it, trembling as I was, I realized that it was completely true.
‘In fact, if we’re doing full disclosure, I’m not sure you ever loved me, but be that as it may, I’m really quite positive you don’t love me now.’
‘Oh come on,’ he said, and he was clearly angry, his chair squeaking as he drew back, ‘I made a mistake, I admit it! I know I was a bastard, and you’re still furious about Ara, but-’
‘No,’ I said, and felt the truth of it. ‘I’m not furious about Arabella, not any more. You didn’t love her either.’ I pulled the band out of my sweaty hair, to let the cool air nearer my burning brain. ‘You’re a liar – it’s the company you really want.’
‘What?’
My promised calm was fraying and snapping like a weak tent in a strong wind. ‘You went after that woman for her money and now you’re bricking it because she was more than a match for you. And there is no way in hell I’m going to risk my house because your sexual takeover of the company went tits up.’
He looked stunned, as though I had slapped him.
‘Everyone makes mistakes, Margot. You should know that better than anyone. And you might want to think about that before you decide to get all self-righteous. What if they found out about your old mistakes at that school of yours?’
I gripped the kitchen counter behind me, numb with horror. ‘Was that supposed to be a threat?’
‘Oh for God’s sake, I was just pointing out a fact.’ He had gone an angry scarlet. ‘What’s the matter with you? You’re twitching all over the place. Are you off your meds again?’
I flinched inwardly. I had forgotten that he knew me just as well as I knew him.
He pointed his finger hard at me, with something like triumph. ‘I knew it! I knew it when I saw you on TV!’
‘I think you should leave.’
‘Margot, you don’t realize this, but you need me-’
‘Get out. Get out now.’
He looked about to say more, but instead merely held up his hands and shrugged. ‘Suit yourself.’ He got to his feet, snatched up his coat and offered me a bitter smile. ‘But if you need someone to ring next time you’re thrown in the loony bin, you might want to remember this conversation.’