The truth is, when I glanced over those books in the library I couldn’t help thinking (like the young reader) that being told to “please remember all this” was, indeed, a rather tall order. Of course, I stopped reading your novels somewhere around the middle of Letters to a Nostalgic Time—though I did continue reading your essays, since I illustrated the bulk of them. But anyway … you know how Soseki writes that Sensei found himself automatically tallying the years on his fingers? Well, when I did that just now I realized it’s been twenty years since I decided to stop reading your fiction. And even now, to be honest, I don’t feel any desire to use my downtime in the hospital to catch up on your books.
That’s why I’d like to ask you to go through your work and extract the passages where you quote things Akari has said. I remember you once told me in all seriousness that you write down Akari’s comments verbatim, without embellishment, because you can’t very well hand over the rough draft and ask him whether he wants to make any corrections.
6
Dear Kogii,
Maki sent me a copy of the charming little My Own Words book she put together after you went through your novels and picked out a number of the quotes attributed to Akari. (Of course, his remarks would have been easy to spot because they were always in bold type — or in italics, in the English translations.)
Unaiko was completely enchanted with the compilation, from the very first page, and she’s been running around quoting from it ever since. However, Maki enclosed a note saying that she didn’t necessarily agree with the way you chose the excerpts, although I gather she hasn’t shared those thoughts with you directly.
Chikashi once told me that Maki was very outgoing and vivacious as a young child but her personality suddenly changed when she was halfway through middle school, and she became much more subdued and withdrawn. Also, she started having bouts of extreme melancholy and she would just say whatever she was thinking, without any of the customary filters. I remember the conventional wisdom in the nursing community at the time was that many antidepressants contained an ingredient that could cause an abnormal degree of aggressiveness in patients. In any event, I know Maki is taking antidepressants now, and I’m telling you this because I think it may be relevant to what’s going on between the two of you.
In her note, Maki expressed the opinion that there have been many other times when you were very controlling toward Akari. (She used the word “oppression,” which seems to keep popping up.) She reminded me of a time you described in your autobiographical novel Rouse Up O Young Men of the New Age! when you went over to Europe, during the rise of the grassroots antinuclear protest movement there, to participate in the making of a television documentary. You ended up staying quite a bit longer than expected, and Akari became convinced you were dead. “Is that right? Is he coming back on Sunday? Even if he is, right now he’s dead! Papa is really dead!”
Of course you know this story better than anyone. Anyhow, in the book Akari started talking back to his mother, who was very much alive. He kept responding to her questions in a belligerent way, and when the father finally did get home he gave Akari a good scolding, and that triggered a rift between them. However, not long afterward, when the father was laid up with an acute attack of gout, Akari addressed his dad — whose ailment had temporarily transformed him into the weakest member of the family — through the intermediary of the father’s badly swollen feet. As a result, amicable relations were restored, both in the book and in real life, but as Maki points out there are some significant differences between that situation and what’s going on now. On second thought, I’m just going to copy the rest of what she said instead of trying to paraphrase:
If Mama is hoping to orchestrate some kind of peaceful accord, like what happened before, and if Papa created this little book of Akari’s quotations in the hopes that it will miraculously smooth things over, then they’re both being way too optimistic. If Papa really thinks the same approach will work this time, when the damage is so much more severe, it only shows that his oppressive attitude toward Akari hasn’t changed a bit. At least that’s how it seems to me. And isn’t this exactly what Mama has been talking about all along as well?
Those were Maki’s main points, but she ended her note by raising an interesting question: “Don’t you think everyone’s getting a kick out of the My Own Words booklet just because of the unique way Akari uses language?”
Since Chikashi went into the hospital earlier than expected and I wasn’t able to adjust my own departure date to accommodate the change, I’ve been talking to Maki on the phone quite frequently these days about various practical matters. During one of those conversations I mentioned offhandedly that I would be interested in hearing an explanation of the rationale behind the harsh things she’s been saying about you lately and her unforgiving attitude toward you in general. I had heard from Chikashi about how rough things were at your house, but I didn’t really understand what was going on.
Maki was completely candid. She told me, “Papa flung some unspeakably cruel words at Akari, not once but twice. The first incident was bad enough, but there’s no way he can forgive himself for letting it happen again. Papa knows this is an intolerable situation, and I’m sure he’s been trying to figure out how to make it better, but suppose Papa and Akari don’t manage to work things out this time and they just go on living completely separate lives. Would that really be so bad? Akari could come live with me. I’ve been talking to Mama about that solution, too.”
That seems to be where Maki stands right now. As I see it, we might be able to make allowances for the first incident by saying that when Akari innocently defaced the flawless Beethoven score — a memento of your friendship with Edward W. Said — you were so upset that you simply lost control of yourself. However, the second lapse is a different story. I mean, you had already gone to bed, but you got up and made a special trip downstairs to confront Akari, and then you called him that shocking name again. True, it was the middle of the night and you were probably under the influence of your usual nightcap. Even so, there’s no excuse for such appalling behavior, and I was literally speechless when I heard about it.
I don’t want to end on an unpleasant topic, so let’s get back to the delightful little book Maki assembled. As I said earlier, Akari’s quotations made a deep impression on Unaiko. She and Ricchan have both been working very hard to get everything ready for when you and Akari arrive, but even though Unaiko already knows you fairly well she told me she’s been feeling nervous about meeting Akari, so she gave the little booklet an extra-careful reading. I gather she has also been trying to formulate a strategy that could lead to an eventual reconciliation between you and Akari. Apparently she found a glimmer of hope in the passage where your foot was inflamed and swollen from gout, and Akari’s response was so sweetly solicitous. She thinks that scene has great dramatic potential, too, although she was saying they would need to find a way to make a stuffed-toy likeness of your gouty foot!