Liss had to laugh. Was Rikke doing his talking for him now? Only then did Zako turn round. His eyes were shining, and it might have looked as though he was having fun, but she knew him by now. He leaned across the table, put a hand on her arm, and looked very closely at her. – Been working right up till now? she made out through the music.
Zako was always on the alert, even when he was high. Always asking questions about what she’d been doing and who she’d been with.
She was hungry. Hadn’t eaten since the early afternoon. She picked up a Marlboro packet, lit a cigarette and leaned against the wall. Zako still sat there studying her face as though he were seeing her for the first time. Up on stage, the bass player, whom Liss also knew through the school, was taking a solo. His head was in constant motion; he was playing with it. It looked as though he had a fishing line between his teeth with which he was pulling and drawing out notes from the massive instrument.
A clumpy, damp-smelling joint was passed across to their table. Liss passed it on to Rikke, who was resting her head on her shoulder, girlfriend-like.
– Need something completely different from camel shit.
– Agreed. Come with me.
Rikke went up the stairs first. Liss could feel Zako’s gaze on her back, at a point just below the neck.
They let themselves into the toilet. Rikke fished an envelope out of her handbag, a mirror and a straw. Handed it to Liss.
– Might as well have a pee while you do the honours, she said. She lifted her short skirt, yanked down her tights and slipped down on to the toilet seat.
Liss made a line ready. Kept her hair back out of the way with one hand. Rikke held it for her. Liss bent forward, inhaled as deeply as she could along the mirror, ended up with her mouth almost down in her cleavage. Another line in the other nostril.
– What would I have done without you? she snuffled once they had changed places.
Rikke took her two lines, leaned up against the toilet door and watched as she peed.
– Christ, Liss, have you any idea how pretty you are?
Liss enjoyed hearing her say this, even though she knew she would never actually be pretty. She stood up, kissed Rikke on the mouth. Just long enough, before pulling up her trousers.
Zako was standing there when they came out. – What’s happening?
He was looking straight at Liss as he said this. Rikke put a finger over her mouth and disappeared down the stairs.
– Why didn’t you come yesterday? he wanted to know.
– Did I say I would come?
He took her by the arm, not hard. – I know you’re pissed off about this thing with Rikke.
She raised her eyebrows. – Why should I be pissed off? You can fuck each other as much as you like for all I care. Be my guest.
Now he grinned. – You are pissed off. I know you.
– Wrong on both counts, she said, smiling back at him, pulling free from his grip.
He pressed her up against the wall, looked down into her face. His pupils were like pins, and still the eyes looked black. She wondered what he was on.
– I’m dumping her.
– Who?
– I’m dropping Rikke.
Liss couldn’t help laughing. – I thought there was nothing going on between you. And now suddenly you’re going to drop her?
He made a face that was perhaps intended to convey the comedy in the contradiction.
– Sorry, he said.
– For what?
– I haven’t treated you very well. I’ll try to improve.
She was surprised. Had never heard anything resembling an admission from Zako before. That pride had attracted her, the way he never needed to make himself small. And now here he was asking to be forgiven. Not that he meant it. But as a tactic it was doomed either way.
– It has nothing to do with Rikke, she said. – Or with any other girls. I don’t need you, Zako.
As she said it, a jolt went up from her chest, passed through her throat. Her head was filled with bubbling gas. Anything could happen. And she was stronger than anything.
– We have an agreement, he said calmly, but now there was an undertone of suppressed anger in his voice. She wasn’t the least bit afraid of it.
– Agreement?
– Listen here, Liss. He paused briefly, obviously so that what he was about to say would carry more weight. – All the photo shoots you’ve had, I got those for you. If you want any more of that, you need to know the right people. When it comes to fashion, Amsterdam is fucking nowhere. I know a whole heap of other people in other places. People who matter. You’re not going to end up with Wim and Ferdinand and all the other wannabes.
– I’m hugely grateful to you, she said, stressing the hugely. – But you don’t need to worry about the future. Not mine, at least. No more sleepless nights on my account.
His eyes grew harder. – The flat, he said. – You’re living in my flat.
That wasn’t true. He’d helped to get it, but he didn’t own it.
– I’m moving out next week, she said. – Found somewhere else.
Maybe he realised that not even that was true. But nothing could hurt her in the place where she was. She started walking down the stairs.
– Wait, he said hoarsely behind her. She stopped and turned; it cost nothing to hear what he had to say. He had one hand in his inside jacket pocket. For an instant she thought he had a weapon, a knife, a gun. Not even that thought frightened her.
It wasn’t a weapon he was holding. She saw it was a photograph. And knew instantly that there was a new twist to the game. He remained standing at the top of the stairs, but she wouldn’t climb back up to him, instead waited for him to come down the four steps.
– Recognise her? he asked, holding the photo at an angle so the light from the wall lamp fell on it.
Three days had passed since Zako had mentioned Liss having a sister. Afterwards she’d thought he’d just been taking a chance. Still, she couldn’t shake the thought of what he was hinting at.
The photo was taken at a bus stop. Mailin was leaning against a wall, looking at something just outside the frame of the picture. It was taken from the side, some distance away. She had clearly no idea she was being photographed.
Liss held on to the banister. The light changed, pulled away but became more intense. As though it wasn’t her who was standing there. And when it wasn’t her, anything at all might happen. Maybe she was holding her breath, because there was a pain low down in her lungs, and black dots began to appear through the bright, distant light. Mustn’t react now. This was what Zako was like. Went on and on and never realised when he’d gone too far… She knew about most of what he was capable of. It didn’t frighten her. She’d taken everything into account. But not that he would get someone to go and check on Mailin. Suddenly she felt nauseous. Hadn’t eaten all day. Must eat. Must come down. Get away.
– Where did you get that picture from?
He wasn’t smiling any more.
– Why are you showing it to me? she continued, her voice as controlled as she could make it.
Again he scrutinised her face. If she carried on standing there, for the very first time he would manage to strip it, layer by layer, until it was quite naked, and the slightest twitch would reveal what was going on in her thoughts.
She turned round, went down the stairs and sat close to Rikke, put an arm around her shoulder, as though to protect her.
She dreamed she was holding an electric drill. It wouldn’t work. She squeezed the trigger as hard as she could. Suddenly it roared into life with an explosive banging that made her hands jump. She released the trigger, but the machine wouldn’t stop.
When she woke up, the room was still vibrating, the bed she was lying in, the walls. Then it subsided. It was a tram passing. She remembered where she was. She’d left the Café Alto late last night. Couldn’t bear the thought of going back to the flat. Maybe Zako would tag along, or appear after she and Rikke had gone to bed. It was the sort of thing he could do if he felt like it. She’d left the place without a word and booked in for the night at a hotel in Leidsestraat.