‘Mabs,’ I said. ‘Jane’s has got short sleeves and no collar.’
‘Easy as that?’
‘Unless we sneak off to the loo and swap.’
‘I shall write a thesis proving that Shakespeare was terrorised by the twins next door when he was a baby. It would explain quite as much as the usual theories about his mother. And then there was Casanova . . .’
‘Supposing it was true.’
‘Mabs, you ought not to know about that.’
‘It tends to come up. I didn’t think you, though . . .’
‘Cheap liquor cheapens the accompanying conversation. Haven’t you noticed? We are all going to have appalling hangovers.’
He finished his glass and smacked it down on the table where the books had been. He was drunker than I’d realised, and upset about something too.
‘What’s the matter, Tom?’
‘Noticed Jack’s not here?’
I hadn’t, though I should have. At a gathering like this the laugh would have been almost continuous, and audible too through the racket.
‘He’s leaving,’ said Tom.
‘Leaving?’
‘Told us not to tell you. Said he didn’t want to spoil your party.’
‘You mean resigning?’
‘Sacked.’
‘No!’
‘Better for him, apparently. Allows him to claim compensation on his contract.’
‘But when . . .’
‘Been brewing. Letter on his desk this morning making it definite.’
‘From Mr B?’
‘Who else?’
Then he must have written it yesterday. We’d eaten alone last night, at the Escargot in Greek Street. It sounds dull, but it had been a lively, easy evening with a lot of talk. We’d gone back to the flat, slept together, kissed when we woke. Surely he could have . . . Perhaps he didn’t want to spoil my party either . . . Then couldn’t he have waited one more day?
‘Who’s going to . . . I mean are you . . . ?’ I said.
‘Not been told. I’d like the job. When this sort of thing has happened in the other departments Brierley seems to have had a man ready.’
‘Oh. But you’ll stay, won’t you?’
‘Will you?’
‘Of course. If he’ll have me, I suppose. I absolutely adore being here.’
‘It may not be the same.’
‘Please stay, Tom. It certainly won’t if you go.’
He laughed, but then his eyes left me. Some of the guests had started to go but others were still arriving, so the terrible old lift was groaning up and down almost continuously. I’d been standing with my back towards it but turned to see what Tom was looking at. B was coming out of the lift, talking to a youngish man whom I recognised but couldn’t put a name to for an instant. Then it came to me. On the stage, about a fortnight before, acting in a revue called Backbites, which I hadn’t thought specially funny but was being talked about because it was different—not just gently bitchy in a revueish way, but rude about real people as though it meant it. The Lord Chamberlain had refused to pass some of the sketches. This man, Brian something, was supposed to have written the unkindest bits as well as being one of the principal actors. B brought him towards us.
‘Brian Naylor, Tom Duggan, Margaret Millett,’ he said. ‘They’re on the literary side.’
Mr Naylor was a round-faced, stupid-looking man with short gingery hair and small gold-rimmed spectacles. On stage he used a monotonous flat voice with drawling vowels—Midland, somebody had told me. His main joke was to apply this oafish-seeming approach to touchy subjects. For instance he’d done a monologue about how he didn’t mind his Jewish dentist poking around among his molars but he was disgusted by the idea of letting him hack divots out of his favourite golf-course. Part of his technique was not to smile at all. It all seemed such an act that I was surprised to hear him speak now in exactly the same voice.
‘This is a typical press day, I suppose,’ he said.
Tom was looking greyish but answered in a normal voice.
‘It’s a party to celebrate the publication of Mabs’s book.’
‘So you’ve written a book, Margaret?’
‘Only a little one,’ I said. Wrong answer. Wrong tone. I felt totally bewildered.
‘A vade-mecum to the upper reaches of the class system,’ said Tom. ‘No social climber should be without it.’
‘Is there anything to drink?’ said Mr Naylor. ‘Scotch, for preference.’
‘Find Mr Naylor some scotch, Duggan, and introduce him to the rest of the staff,’ said B.
He turned to me.
‘Congratulations,’ he said.
‘Thank you. It’s going very well.’
He was actually about to move off when I stopped him. He was furious. Nobody else would have known, but I did. He thought I was going to say something about Brian Naylor.
‘Mummy’s here,’ I muttered. ‘She wants to meet you.’ His eyes opened very slightly.
‘I don’t know how,’ I said. ‘Something to do with my account at Harrods.’
He nodded. He still wasn’t pleased, but it was better than if I’d tried to use our affair to interfere with office matters.
‘Look after me,’ I whispered. ‘Please.’
‘Out here, then.’
She was near the door in Mrs Clarke’s room and had obviously been watching for me. As soon as I appeared she came forward. She had a horrid look of triumph.
‘Some woman has just asked me to sign a photograph, darling,’ she said.
‘Oh dear. I hope you were nice to her.’
‘I made it clear that I would do no such thing.’
‘A lot of your friends have. She’s got a whole collection.’
‘I am not a stamp. Are there any more of your interesting friends you’d like me to meet, darling?’
‘One more,’ I said.
I led her back between the swing doors.
‘Is that him?’ she whispered. ‘Oh, darling, how could you?’
‘Very easily, if you want to know.’
I introduced them formally and let them get on with it.
[1] About three years later, when that U and Non-U business got going in Encounter, people remembered my book and asked me where the word ‘ponsy’ came from. I used to tell them that it was really ‘poncy’ but Petronella had spelt it wrong, and if they then said it didn’t mean that I explained that my great-great-uncle applied the word to anything he disapproved of, being a man of limited vocabulary, and that we’d picked it up and used it without knowing what a ponce was. The bit about my great-great-uncle was true, but in fact we’d adapted the word to fit poor Miss Pons, who had come to us as a governess and fully lived up to her superb references, except for insisting that we used a vocabulary my mother had absolutely forbidden. Many people assume that ‘real’ aristocrats are not snobs. This is rubbish in my experience. The truth is that they guard their exclusiveness ruthlessly, but in obscure ways. Though Miss Pons was much the nicest governess we were ever likely to get, all four of us agreed that my mother had done right to dismiss her. I couldn’t explain about Miss Pons in 1956 (was it?) because she was probably still alive.
[2] I worked it out years later. It had been my fault for being too pig-headed about the nature of my relationship with B to give a false name for my accounts. My mother had one at Harrods but used it so seldom that I’d forgotten. Hers was in the name of Countess Millett, but she always referred to herself as Lady Millett and had done so when she’d ordered an emergency wedding present for someone; so the item had got on to my account, which B had settled without question. When my mother had telephoned to ask why she hadn’t had the bill the confusion had persisted long enough for somebody to try and clear things up by telling her who had signed the cheque.
I have just been down to wake her up and give her her pill. It was one of the mornings when she doesn’t know me, except that she took it. If anyone else had tried to give it her, other than Fiona, she would have spat it out. Even so only about half the water I give her to wash it down with goes in. It struck me while I was mopping up that in all our lives together there had been two special rituals which had bound us to each other—when I was young, the witch-ritual; now the pill-ritual. Coming back to finish my stint I re-read the paragraph to which this footnote is attached and felt it to be almost extraordinary, a measure of my then freedom, that I had been able to write it in the past tense.